Friday, January 9, 2009

Punday, Bloody Punday

Sorry Chris W for burying you again. I HART you.

When I read an Associated Press game recap, I want the basics. Give me information on how the game unfolded, game implications, maybe some quotes or stats, etc. What I don't want is fluff, or even worse, puns. If I want puns, I'll try reading Woody Paige or some other columnist. Not you the AP, not youuuuuuuu......

Their first pun:

National chomps, indeed!

I can see it now: a lone AP reporter sits in a dark Miami pressbox, long after the game has ended. He needs to spice up his game recap, but how? Wait a second...the Gators are National CHAMPS, and sometimes Gators can CHOMP. Brilliant.

Still though, something feels off. The article feels a little too... "reporty" and "unbiased". What do all those other reporters who get bylines say that makes them special? Oh, they love scrappy, white athletes!!

His [Tebow] passing wasn't so precise -- 18-for-30 -- yet it was his sheer will that kept the Gators going.

Yes, his sheer will alone carried the National Chomps to victory! The reporter nodded his head as he typed these words. This fluff and cock-sucking is sure to get me noteriety, he thought. Just when he was almost finished he paused, smiled, and added one more clause to the article. As he emailed his editors, he made sure to CC the Pulitzer committee...

He [Tebow] got off the team bus, walked over to a clutch of Florida fans, waved his arms and then ripped off his tie and threw it into a bunch of tailgaters -- tail-Gators, in this case.

Ugh, alright, enough with the AP guy story. This is horrible, and honestly, totally inexcusable. Tail-Gators? Really? That needed to get added to the AP game recap? Disgusting.


Bengoodfella said...

They did not need any Gator-aid because Tim did not get Te-bowled over by the pressure of playing in such an important game.

My puns were much worse than his but does not excuse the fact his were horrible and should not have been written.

Chris W said...

The Florida team is Gator than a motherfucker

Elliot said...

Okay, I don't have a pun, but can we talk about how the Florida "Go Gators" chant is ridiculous? It's ridiculous.

Bengoodfella said...

For some reason I did not hear that chant. What I did hear is that the Gators will never be Meyer-ed in a national championship slump for a long time. Just don't go Haden on me for saying that.

This is some of the stupidiest shit I have ever typed.

Passive Voice said...

Didn't you guys see Tebow make like 13 tackles, including 4.5 for a loss? Couldn't you smell his aura of determination as he broke up pass after Sam Bradford pass? Dude's a champ, is all.