Friday, January 2, 2009

Jon Heyman Is Now Writing Things Just to Get Attention.

Anyone want a good laugh?

Jon Heyman ranked his top 20 Free Agents. Here's the list!

1) Bobby Abreu
2) Milton Bradley
3) Pat Burrell
4) Orlando Cabrera
5) Joe Crede
6) Adam Dunn
7) Jon Garland
8) Jason Giambi
9) Orlando Hudson
10) Derek Lowe
11) Oliver Perez
12) Andy Pettitte
13) Manny Ramirez
14) Ben Sheets
15) Jason Varitek
16) Randy Wolf
17) Garret Anderson
18) Freddy Garcia
19) Cliff Floyd
20) Tim Redding

Oh. I just thought you should all know that Joe Crede is a lot better than Manny Ramirez.

Orlando Cabrera, your $25M/year contract awaits...


Venezuelan Beaver Cheese said...

Freddy Garcia? Really?

Larry B said...

Hmmmmm... there's something about numbers 1 through 16 on that list... strange. Almost like Heyman used something very arbitrary to put them in "order." Something almost as arbitrary as what their father's last name was. (Assuming that's what he was doing, why the fuck did he not just do it all the way through from 1 to 20? Afraid that putting Garrett Anderson 2nd would look too ridiculous? Oh, but Jon Garland at 7 isn't dumb at all.)

CitizenX said...

I hate to be that guy, but Joe Crede actually has his mother's last name. His parents divorced when he was 6, and since she had primary custody, it was determined that he should take on her name, rather than keep his father Randy Morgan's.

It wasn't that they stopped loving each other -- they'd been to much for that ever to be plausible. But at a certain point, the relationship wasn't making either of them happy. They kicked around the idea of sticking it out for little Joey, but in the end determined that a household covered in a thin film of bitterness was worse than the prospect of happy-yet-split households.

Joe took it hard at first, but with the help of an excellent therapist and truly supportive parents, eventually blossomed into the number 5 free agent of 2009, if you sort of sort them alphabetically.

Movie rights have been optioned to Paramount, tentatively titled, Joe and the Tough Splitter.

Will Smith is attached to star.

Anonymous said...

what a no talent ass clown this guy is. i would love to hear his "intangibles" argument as to why anyone from 1-12 is more valuable than Manny.
I hate Manny, but I understand he is THE elite hitter on the board now that Tex is gone.
Dumb fucking assclown!

pnoles said...

I can't believe I didn't notice that. But on another note, wtf? He clearly believes the bottom 4 guys on this list are the worst of the bunch, and the top 3 are legitimate-ish.

Whatever, I got punked. You win, Heyman.