Monday, July 26, 2010

Old Gold From Jemele Hill

Here's some old crap from Jemele Hill:

Katy Perry tops the Maxim Hot 100 List? Are you serious?

Yes, that's the title of the article.

With all due respect to the brain trust at Maxim, but your top choice for hottest woman on the planet only proves the magazine seems to have forgotten one very important thing: It's the Maxim Hot 100 list, not the Maxim Great Personality list.

If it was "The Maxim Great Personality List," then Katy Perry wouldn't be in the top 1,000, and the top three would be: The Most Interesting Man in the World, Joe Francis, and Jason Statham in that order. However, this is The Maxim Hot 100 list which is a euphemism for "Female celebrities who our readers have been masturbating to vigorously over the past 12 months." I'm sure a quick Google Images search would validate Maxim for putting Katy Perry at #1.

Look, no disrespect to Katy Perry, an accomplished singer and songwriter who now wears the crown as Maxim's hottest woman, but if she's the hottest girl in civilization, why did the mag choose Victoria Secret model Selita Ebanks for the cover instead of Ms. Hottie? Sounds like a subconscious admission that Ms. Perry ain't that hot.

Just what ESPN needs, a reporter who's not afraid to psychoanalyze the Maxim editorial staff.

I realize part of the fun of Maxim's list is that it's always good for stirring debate, but this year's list seems more flawed than usual.

No, you just feel like throwing a stink this year.

From the sports world, Lindsey Vonn, Danica Patrick, Grace Park, Stacy Keibler and ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews all made the list (Patrick was ranked the highest at No. 25). No arguments there.

That's actually Grace Park of Battlestar Galactica fame. Way to get a fact wrong in the most softball of softball articles.

But did Elena Dementieva, Anna Rawson, and Natalie Gulbis, suddenly cease to exist?

No, they're just not well known enough to make it onto Maxim's list.

Surely one of them could have replaced, say, Chelsea Handler?

Maybe, but then again, who gives a shit?

And speaking of omissions, how can any list be taken seriously if it doesn't have Beyonce or Halle Berry as one of the world's 100 hottest women?

And there it is. Two high-profile black females were snubbed, and therefore, the list loses all credibility. You know, all that credibility it had had from being in the pages of fucking Maxim.

Yes, Berry and Beyonce have made the list numerous times and part of the Maxim's challenge is to introduce new faces, but if regulars Angelina Jolie and Brittany Spears made the list, so should Berry and Beyonce.

You almost have to admire the fact that Jemele Hill plays the race card even when discussing one of the most chauvinistic magazines in America's ranking of women as objects.

And let's just face it, women like Berry and Beyonce just deserve automatic bids.

No they don't, but seriously who the fuck cares?

If Maxim's mission was to choose a No. 1 that would get everyone talking, it worked.

Didn't hear anyone mention it until I saw this article.

But let's just say there are a lot of women who feel a lot more self confident today.

Yes, all those millions and millions of women out there who are better looking than Katy Perry can walk around with the confidence that maybe they too will be #1 on the Maxim Hot List, assuming they become one of the eminent pop-singers in the country and don't get bumped from the list to make room for Halle Berry and/or Beyonce.


Dylan Murphy said...

Jemele Hill has no right to comment on attractive women.

Anonymous said...

Beyonce?! Without the weave, the spackle, and a healthy dose of photoshop, she ain't much. In fact, she could be Jemele Hill's slightly better looking sister. And both my children are younger than the last film starring Halle Berry to have a wide release.

Chris W said...

I just want to know who's now!

Frigidevil said...

The mere fact that there are two sentences that have to do with sports shows this garbage needs to be deleted. And how the hell did they manage to find the one unappealing picture of Danica to use?

Anonymous said...

Rhianna was in the top ten. At least Perry doesn't look half Klingon. I'm not saying the list is good, but Katy Perry has two reasons to thank her number 1 ranking.

And wtf is up with this automatic bids bullshit? Maxim planning on rolling out a BCS series now?

JHill, that's a great example of the race card and ima let you finish, but Jesse Jackson is the best race baiter of all time.
/only thing I know about Beyonce as her music hurts my brain.

pnoles said...

This is hilarious

Jack M said...

@Frigidevil, re: Danica

They probably looked through the hundreds of pictures where she's not Hollywood hot before deciding on the one unappealing picture of her.

Alex said...

I can't believe A) ESPN published such puerile crap and B) that I actually read this. How much do they pay this people anyway? Lots I imagine.

Greg Cox said...

how did you miss the fact that she spelled Britney (not Brittany) Spears wrong? ... by the way I love this site