Monday, August 31, 2009

Just Bad Old Writing

Figurative language is a dangerous thing when employed by a man named Mark Sheldon. I know the Reds have been pretty bad since the ASG, but I wouldn't wish this sort of writing on any team except maybe the Cubs.

CINCINNATI -- With a day-night doubleheader looming for the Reds on Monday, manager Dusty Baker wanted to protect his bullpen like a lioness and her cubs or a college freshman and the last slice of pizza.

What?

I mean, I guess I understand the similes, but... what?

Unfortunately for Reds starter Bronson Arroyo, quality starts and victories are mixing like oil and water lately.


What?

Oh, I get it.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Upperclassmen are notoriously generous with pizza, so this all seems kosher.

Stevens said...

Good writing and Mark Sheldon go together as well as Peter King and a diet.

Tonus said...

Mark Sheldon is to shitty writing what David Eckstein is to grit.

Jack M said...

Peter King is definitely that guy who takes the last slice of pizza. Not because he's fat, but he comes off as selfish and oblivious. And fat.

Elliot said...

I think you guys need a "sportswriters using tired clich├ęs" tag.

Anonymous said...

Stop hating the cubs Dan-Bob

dan-bob said...

Never!

Venezuelan Beaver Cheese said...

I'm a Cubs fan and even I hate them sometimes.

LincolnHawk said...

I really liked how Sheldon had to use two similes as if some college student read the lioness reference and said, "What the hell does that mean? Oh wait... like pizza... yeah, I see it now."