Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Hey John Kruk, Get Your Head out of Your Ass


Hello there, Tubby. Put down that bacon and have a look at this. It's the National League Wild Card standings, as of last Sunday night.

Team GB
Colorado 0.0
San Francisco 3.0
Atlanta 4.0
Florida 5.0

Guess what you said that night on national TV?

The wild card is the Braves' to lose.

You really said that. You bumblefuck. You imbecile. You fatheaded, knuckle-dragging moron. Back in June, you said you thought the Mets would win the Wild Card. That's fine. I got upset about it, partially because I'm a Rockies fan (meaning I was acting all butthurt), and partially because the reasoning you used to back up your opinion was shoddy at best. But at least it was a reasonable opinion to have, in and of itself. There really was nothing wrong with thinking the Mets were a decent WC contender back then. I'm sure 90% of optimistic Mets fans could have made a more persuasive argument than you did but that's OK. At least your starting point was acceptable.

That's not the case here.

Maybe if the 1927 Yankees were trailing the 1962 Mets and 1998 Marlins in the WC race by three and four games, respectively, on August 24, you could say the playoff berth was "the Yankees' to lose." But here we're dealing with a group of reasonably similar teams. They all have strengths; they all have weaknesses; some are stronger/weaker than others in certain areas. I am of the opinion that the Rockies are the best of the four, but hey, I could be wrong. How might we figure out who's best?

By simple statistics? The Rockies have the best OPS+ of the group and an OPS+ well over 100 (admittedly, the Braves and Giants have better staffs). They also play better defense than any of their WC competitors.

What about by ease of remaining schedule? The Rockies also play 21 of their final 32 at home, with a schedule that is arguably easier than Atlanta's or San Fran's. Food for thought, no pun intended.

What about momentum? Two months ago, the Braves were 5.5 games out of the WC lead. A month ago, they were 3.5 out. After Sunday's games, they were 4 games back. (Now 5.5 back. Oops!) It's not like they've been on some kind of torrid hot streak. Colorado DOES happen to be 52-22 since July 2, 2006 or June 3, 2009, I don't remember which.

What about nerdy stat stuff used for predictions? Baseball Prospectus's playoff odds calculator placed their chances of making the postseason as of Sunday night at just over 10%. It's also not like they've got a great pythagorean record, and are due to go on some kind of hot streak. No, in fact, there is no indication of any sort that the WC is the Braves' to lose.

So... who should receive the blessing as current best bet to win the NL WC? Well... if I had to pick a team from the race to currently apply that label to... I might pick... THE TEAM THAT'S BEEN THE BEST IN THE NATIONAL LEAGUE FOR THE PAST THREE MONTHS, WHICH HOLDS A FOUR GAME LEAD WITH LESS THAN FORTY FUCKING GAMES TO PLAY. YOU FUCKING FAT PIECE OF SHIT. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? ARE YOU BAITING ME INTO MAKING POSTS LIKE THIS? ARE YOU DAYN PERRY? DO YOU JUST SAY SHIT LIKE THIS TO GET ATTENTION? HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY SAY THE WILD CARD IS "THE BRAVES' TO LOSE?" AT THE VERY MOST, THEY'LL BE LUCKY TO HAVE A SHOT AT WINNING IT ASSUMING BOTH COLORADO AND SAN FRAN GO COLD. Seriously, guy, fuck you. Fuck you and fuck your shitty analysis. Your reasoning when you made that claim about the Braves had something to do with the depth in Atlanta's rotation. WELL WHERE HAS THAT DEPTH GOTTEN THEM? FIVE AND A HALF GAMES OUT OF THE PLAYOFFS WITH ABOUT 35 GAMES TO PLAY, THAT'S WHERE.

Look, I'm not saying the Rockies will win the WC. They very well may not. (BP's playoff odds have them at a 61% chance to win it as of now.) I wouldn't say it's "theirs to lose." I wouldn't say it's any team's "to lose" right now. But if you don't think the Rockies have the best shot of this bunch to win it... you are a fucking dunce. If you want to go one step further, and hint that if they're going to win it they'll need to snatch it away (a corollary of it being "the Braves' to lose," I suppose) from someone else, you're a fucking dunce with clown shoes on. There is no hope for you. You have zero credibility. You should be fired and deported to Mongolia so you can't bother anyone with your opinions anymore. Fuck you. Fuck you and fuck your NL East bias. YOU DIDN'T EVEN PLAY FOR THE BRAVES, PIEFACE. FUCK YOU.

Hey, you know, the Rockies are only 2 games back of the Dodgers for the NL West title. I guess it's theirs to lose, huh?

11 comments:

Elliot said...

Didn't he say that Cleveland would win the AL central too? They're only 11.5 games back, so it must be theirs to lose too.

And the NL pennant is the Nationals' to lose!

John Foley said...

This is the same man who once tabbed Chone Figgins as the AL MVP.
I know I keep going back to that one, but, I mean...CHONE FIGGINS?

Richard Prusak said...

Didn't he also say Randy Johnson would win 30 games?

I trust John Kruk's comments on baseball as much as I do his comments on nutrasystem...

Tonus said...

I'd say that the NL West is the Giants to lose.

Chris W said...

quit being a homer, larry.

Angelo said...

mongolia: where chinese freedom meets siberian comfort

Bengoodfella said...

This is your third straight Atlanta Braves semi-related post. I just thought I would point that out.

You need to be nicer to Braves fans Larry. We have feelings too you know. We get angry when John Kruk says stupid shit like that as well, but you don't have to rub it in that the Braves have no shot of winning the Wild Card. We have seen the team going around in circles and getting nowhere for months, like John Kruk at the dessert in a buffett. Pitching depth means jack shit when your hitters can't hit the baseball and score runs, which they can't do.

We know we have no chance of winning the Wild Card and John Kruk saying shit like this is just a cruel joke. Unless of course they take the NL East, which is theirs to lose.

pnoles said...

Larry, we DO have a "july 2, 2006" label, you know.

Also, John Foley, I am in total astonishment that someone besides Bert Blyleven threw out the "Chone Figgins for MVP" line. You've just made my day.

Anonymous said...

Ah likes them french-fried pertaters, mmm-hmmmm.....

Tonus said...

It's hard to feel sorry for Braves fans, considering that they won something like 53 consecutive division titles.

Bengoodfella said...

We still have feelings...and it was only 14 consecutive division titles, but the division wasn't always strong so it wasn't a great achievement.

How would it make you feel to have to watch Jeff Francouer play for your team for 3.5 years and realize he is never going to be any better than the day he was called up? Actually you are right, I don't want to be like the pathetic MLB fans who always want their teams to be loveable losers and everyone to feel sorry for them. I am talking to the Cubs fans by the way.