Monday, November 24, 2008

Peter King: Fat, Stupid, and an Embarrassment to Journalism

Is there any way he could ask dumber questions? I understand that not every question a reporter gives to a star is going to be hard-hitting and thought-provoking. But this asshole takes the idea of tossing softballs to ridiculous levels. Check out his interviews with three NFL quarterbacks from this week's MMQB. After each section, I'll write what I think he probably asked each in order to get the answer. When you're done, ask yourself if King has helped you learn anything substantive about these players.

First, Ben Roethlisberger and his risky decision to dive for a touchdown on a scramble towards the goal line in spite of having a hurt shoulder:

"Heck no,'' he said after I asked if he had thought twice about exposing his shoulder to that risk. "I will never ... Casey Hampton said to me on the sidelines, 'What are you doing scoring? Why didn't you just go down at the one?' I said, 'Hamp, don't you know by now? That's my heart.' I'm a competitor. I want to get in the end zone. And I want to win. Period. I don't think about running the clock out. I don't think about saving myself. It'll take someone to bring me down. It's the competitive side. [Coach Mike Tomlin] tells me, 'Don't take a hit. Get down, slide.' You have to pick your battles. You have to know when to do it. In that situation, it's competition.''

King's question: "So, Ben, do you like to win? Are you the kind of guy who wants to give it all for his team, play like a champion, and be an inspiration all of America? Or would you rather play it safe, and not play like a champion and not try to win?"

Next, a certain Jets QB who Peter would be happy to butt-tongue if given the chance, regarding (surprise, sur-fucking-prise) his future:

"And it's been great. It hasn't been all smooth, but I've enjoyed it. I'm having fun. Now, if we were 3-8 instead of 8-3, I know I'd be back on the farm next year and it'd be over. But I'm just going to play as hard as I can every week the rest of the way and we'll see how it goes.''

No promises about next year. He just doesn't know yet, and he's not allowing himself to think ahead. He did think ahead about one thing Sunday, though.

King's question: "Brett, are you pretty much done thinking about this season? Have you pretty much decided that it's time to stop worrying about anything that happens between now and February, and just start thinking about whether you will grace us with your presence for one more year? Or are you still kind of thinking about how your team is 8-3 and rapidly becoming a playoff contender? And if so, what is your strategy for the rest of this season- are you actually going to try, or are you just kind of going to half-ass it?

Also, can I drink some of your urine?"

Similar idea for New England's Matt Cassel:

The easiest way to get put off by the polite Cassel is to mention he's about to be a free-agent, and he's about to make a jillion dollars somewhere in 2009. He knows. He's not stupid. He just doesn't want to hear about it now.

"We'll see,'' he said. "I honestly don't think about it. I just want to keep playing, and let that take care of itself when the end of the year comes.'' Smart man.

King's Question: "Matt, are you at all thinking about this season anymore? Granted, your team is still in the thick of the wild card and division title hunt. But have you decided not to worry about that, and just pretty much mentally check out? Do you spend all your time obsessing over getting a big contract from a new team next summer?"

Seriously, fuck this guy. What a zilch. Oh, and a nice little hypocritical complaint from PK at the end of his predictably awful 10 things he thinks he thinks:

If I read one more story about where LeBron James might play two years from now, I'm going to puke.

Yeah, you've never run a story into the ground or anything. Never happened. No way you would ever strongly contribute to the media's infatuation with a story that gets incredibly fucking old.


Tonus said...

Those are some tough questions that Peter King asks!

"Hey Ben, are you a pussy, or ARE YOU A FUCKIN' MAN?"

"Hey Matt, you're gonna hit the jackpot this off-season and make more money than Bill Gates, did you know about that?"

"Hey Brett... you, me, and this bottle of baby oil... meet me out back?"

Peter King is like the True Yankee of journalism. Honest!

Bengoodfella said...

I don't think awful is the correct word that should be used to describe Peter King. He is not even a journalist. He is a player's best friend who writes weekly puff pieces.

It is ironic that his entire job is to cover the NFL, yet he only gives a strong opinion when it comes to coffee, baseball, television, and traveling around the country. I appreciate his "reporting" that is actually a series of puff pieces but if anyone could actually give a strong informed opinion, it would be him. Yet he refrains and sticks to strong opinions on coffee.

Larry said...

So this is totally unrelated but did anyone see in the newest SI that they talk about I was like wtf man why not firejaymariotti?!?!

Bengoodfella said...

Peter King also started talking about LeBron James two sentences after he was talking about how much he hates reading all of the articles about LeBron James.

I get depressed every week when I read his MMQB because I know it is going to be bad.

Bengoodfella said...

I saw that! I think it is just because Ken Tremendous did an article for them one time. I thought it was very ungracious for them to not at least throw a mention of how Fire Jay Mariotti is still going strong, despite the fact Jay Mariotti is not around anymore.

In completely related news, I wish Jay Mariotti would leech on somewhere so we can get angry at him again.

Larry said...

Did anyone else notice in King's quick hits portion that he mentioned they might start playing the Pro Bowl the week BEFORE the Super Bowl? This seems mind boggling to me. What team in their right mind that is about to play in the Super Bowl would ever let their star athletes go play in the Pro Bowl?

Larry B said...

You guys are the coolest. Seriously, my ego is swelling over here.

Anonymous said...

This site is hilarious!

Tony Kornheiser should definitely try out one of these hair cuts instead. lol

cb said... > I always thought the latter was overrated, while this one is grossly underrated. Keep up the good work, sirs.

CitizenX said...

You guys win because you humour my ramblings.

Jeff said...

Two things that Firejay has over Firejoe.....

1.) Joe Morgan is still going strong.

2.) It's as entertaining despite the fact that it's not staffed with guys who get paid for writing comedy.

I mean...yeah....those guys are better than me....I'm an accountant, what do you want?

Bengoodfella said...

Jeff, I have to agree with you on that. FJMorgan guys did get paid to write comedy and when they actually put effort into it, they were really funny. You still get great comedy here, and other places on the Net as well, but here mostly of course, by others who do not write or write comedy for a living. I think....

FJMariotti: You guys aren't really writers for According to Jim are you?

dan-bob said...

Actually, I wrote most of the episodes of Yes, Dear.

Jack M said...

We should start referring to Peter King as Puff Daddy!

/shows self out to car; drives to office where he's a staff writer for Jay Leno.

p.s. I think both FJM's are pretty gay.

Larry B said...

I've done some writing for Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy Kimmel, OK? Yeah, THAT Jimmy Kimmel. Me and him are friends. I've even done some writing for him. Did I mention...?

Larry B said...

X, are you trying to talk again?