That Was One Hell of an All-Star Game, Wasn't It?

Too bad this post has very little to do with the game in question. It's more crap about A-Rod from Rick Morrissey.

Crede is no A-Rod ... thank goodness

Yeah, thank goodness. Because then the White Sox would have an absolute stranglehold on the AL Central and then baseball would be less exciting. That's what you're getting at, right?

No wait....you write for a Chicago newspaper. It has to be the other meaning. The stupid one.

Sitting at a table amid a gob of reporters and cameramen, Alex Rodriguez was talking about his life, which might or might not include Madonna, who, by the way, might be using Jewish mysticism to brainwash A-Rod into thinking the two are "soulmates," according to friends of Rodriguez's estranged wife, as reported by the New York Daily News, which keeps track of these things.

This is pretty much entirely the media's fault, when you think about it.

"Look, everyone has distractions, everyone goes through personal issues," Rodriguez was telling the gathered media Monday. "Mine are on the front page of the papers."

See? And you're making it worse. I saw the front page of the actual Chicago Tribune newspaper today, and these words of Rick Morrissey were written on it. It's like circular reasoning, man. "Thank God that Crede is no A-Rod, because A-Rod has widely publicized personal issues that are exacerbated by me writing this sentence on the front page of a newspaper."


A few minutes later and several tables away, Joe Crede was talking to five reporters about his distractions, which would be "A" material for the cover of Parenting magazine only if he came up with something like a revolutionary toilet-training method.

"The biggest excitement in my life are my two girls, 4 and 2," he said. "That's all the excitement I need right there.

Awwwwwww!

Alex Rodriguez, Joe Crede. I always get them mixed up.

This is sarcastic, I know. But what's your point?

They're both third basemen. They're both American League All-Stars. They used to be connected at the agent, Scott Boras, until Rodriguez decided to work out his own deal last year.

Uh huh....great.

That would pretty much sum up the similarities between the New York superstar and the White Sox's resurrected infielder.

This is interesting because......

This is Rodriguez's 12th All-Star Game, Crede's first.

::rereads and copies article title::

Crede is no A-Rod ... thank goodness

You serious, dude?

Rodriguez is the Yankee with the two-ton contract. Crede is the guy who would like a new contract from the Sox.

Again, true statements, but these have no relevance to any point you are trying to make.

The Sox didn't exactly leave him for dead in the off-season, but they were seen holding a stethoscope.

Are all the sports cartoonists in the room done laughing yet? The rest of us didn't find this one to be all that witty.

And they sure were talking a lot about an ascendant Josh Fields at third.

Maybe because he hit 23 HR in 373 AB last year?

Whether you believe they were furiously trying to trade Crede and his balky back depends on the person doing the talking.

No, it fucking doesn't. They were absolutely trying to dump him. They were showcasing him for a trade all spring and he played like Tomas Perez. Kenny Williams asked Brian Sabean for Fred Lewis, and even Sabean understood it was a ripoff and laughed in Kenny's face. Kenny Williams literally would have taken a vending machine in exchange for Joe Crede in spring training.

But it's indisputable that Crede is here at the All-Star Game.

Of course it's indisputable you fucking twat.

"Hi, I'm Rick Morrissey. It's indisputable that Joe Saunders is a pitcher."

Sometimes standing still — or being forced to stand still — is the best thing for a team.

God, that's great philosophy. Do you write books, sir? Maybe you should be a GM.

Forgive Crede for taking some pleasure in this. Thirteen months ago, he couldn't lift his children because of his back. Six months ago, as he rehabbed from back surgery, he was the subject of trade rumors.

Sure, of course he should be happy about his comeback. I don't think he should go around bragging about his .325 OBP or his .259 EqA though. Did I mention he in no way deserved to be on the All-Star team? Because if I didn't, let me declare this to the world.

Ahem.

Joe Crede in no way deserved to be on the All-Star team. If you are being generous, he has been the 7th best 3rd baseman in the American League this year, behind A-Rod, Lowell, Rolen, Longoria, Guillen, and ::gasp:: Adrian Beltre. He has 17 errors, which people with a fully functional brain would deem terrible. The fact that he made the All-Star team this year is living proof that you can't use All-Star game appearances at all to prove that a player has played well in a given season.

But yeah, I mean all that stuff about not being able to lift his kids and rehabs and back surgery and rainbows and lollipops and trade rumors and....shucks, you're probably right, Morrissey.

Now he's backing up A-Rod at the All-Star Game.

Which is an honor because A-Rod is great, but.....

Crede is no A-Rod ... thank goodness

So it's awesome, because Crede deserves a world of respect for his comeback, which you are epitomizing by saying he's backing up an awesome player at the All-Star game, an awesome player whom, as your title states, you are glad Crede is nothing like.

It has come to my attention that several readers have developed migraines upon reading these things Morrissey has said. Remember, friends, don't kill the messenger!

If the Sox are smart, they will work something out with Crede.

If the Sox are smart, they would realize that having a pretty good 3B prospect at AAA that has already proven he has a future at the big league level would merit passing on Crede, an overrated player that is guaranteed to demand more than he is worth as a free agent, no matter how much he is worth at season's end.

But I mean, he couldn't lift his kids 13 months ago, so eh, I dunno Morrissey, what do you think? The evidence in both directions is astounding!

The All-Star selection would seem to be proof that his formerly aching back isn't an issue.

Again, we've had this discussion. Jason Varitek was an All-Star. He is hitting .218/.299/.354. What. The. Fuck. Is. Your. Point. Question. Mark?

Aside from a first half uncharacteristically filled with errors, he has been a rock at third base.

::reads sentence again to make sure that he isn't dreaming.::

Aside from a first half uncharacteristically filled with errors, he has been a rock at third base.

This might be the stupidest sentence I have ever read.

Okay readers, I can't do this one justice. We'll turn this over to you. What would be the funniest line to write here? Make it in the form of "Aside from _______, (something) has been (phrase basically saying (something) has been good)."

Here's an example. "Aside from all the holes in the bottom, this plastic bag has been great for containing water." You guys are creative, I trust you'll make them good! FireJay bloggers, get in on this one as well!

Computers Don't Know Anything....After All, They Can't Love Or Hate Or Feel Pain!

Rick Morrissey has his own theories about how to predict the fortunes of baseball teams. There's a thing called a "hunch", people. We don't need no stinkin' computerboxes.

If computers ran the world, Steven Seagal probably would have won a few Oscars by now, assuming they judged him on the $2 billion his movies have earned. If computers had a way of measuring acting ability, he'd be running a martial-arts school in a strip mall.

Okay, equating judging an actor by how much money his movies make is sort of like evaluating hitters using batting average and evaluating pitchers using wins. It's stupid and useless. The computers you're about to declare worthless don't do anything that simple. Chalk up another to "terrible similes and metaphors."

But they don't run the world, yet, which means we can still type in our credit card numbers online without worrying that all our money is being sucked into a fund earmarked for global dominance by a dastardly computer.

Attention all forms of cerebral parasites: do not feed on the brain of Rick Morrissey. It is clearly diseased and "possesses the properties of the insane."

Computers have no use for heart, or least they can't quantify it. They can't analyze what's inside an athlete, for example. They can't tell you who has the heart of a lion or the backbone of an earthworm.

They can't!?!??!??!?! Whew. Good thing for computers that having the heart of a lion doesn't make a human being any more likely to hit a curveball. In one corner, we have a computer using projected stats to formulate run totals from run elements to predict a final season record of a team. In the other corner, we have Rick Morrissey arbitrarily placing people on a scale of (Earthworm) Jim to Simba to calculate wins. Vegas's odds on Ricky are 234.5:1. If you like Eckstein a lot, financial opportunity is knocking......

Computers can't tell you that White Sox first baseman Paul Konerko is upset with how he played last season.

They don't need to. Everyone who knows anything about Paul Konerko knows that. The job of computers (not that dissimilar to that of journalists) is to tell people things that they don't know.

All they can tell you is that he hit .259 in 2007, that he just turned 32 and, therefore, he must be on the downside of his career because that's what the model says is supposed to happen to him.

Really, that's it? How totally uninformative.

(Interesting side note: BP 2007 listed Tino Martinez as one of Konerko's top PECOTA comparables and pointed out that Martinez had a severe production decline at age 31, which was exactly what happened to Konerko. Damn unreliable squawkboxes!)

If you saw the piece about Baseball Prospectus' 2008 predictions in Sunday's Tribune, then you know the publication's computer has the Sox going 77-85 and finishing third in the AL Central, and the Cubs going 91-71 and winning the NL Central.

I know as much about computers as I do about astronomy

Which puts you in just an oh-so-good position to dismiss them as irrelevant, doesn't it?

but I believe the computer term for Baseball Prospectus' Sox prediction is "fatal error."

The prediction for the 2008 White Sox literally made the computer implode. Rick's not joking.

I have the Sox winning 85 games and giving Cleveland a run for its money for second place in the division.

Okay, sure. I'm positive you'll tell me what this is based on shortly. But as long as we're being insanely optimistic, why not go all the way and say they'll contend for the division lead? After all, there's no way Cleveland is that far below Detroit (if you ask me, Cleveland's slightly better).

I know, I know: The Indians are loaded with talent, and if it weren't for Detroit spending gobs of money, they'd be the favorites in the AL Central.

Actually....BP still has them as favorites anyway. But, moving on, moving on.

But, again, what about heart?

That thing that beats out grounders to first base? No....that's speed. That thing that makes the ridiculously tough play in the outfield? No....that's speed too, and good judgement and athleticism. Hit home runs? No....that's power. Striking players out? No.....good arm strength and pitch placement. And we all know that it can't be walking, because walking is like the anti-heart. Where does "heart" fit in there, Rick? I'm pretty sure that the Sox aren't trying any more gooder than the other teams. Plus, they punted Erstad (HAHA! HAHA! A PUN!), so they're already out 51 "cardions" in the heart statistic. See? You CAN quantify it!

Hal (or Smitty or Shecky or whatever the computer's name is)

We'll call him "Slobby", thanks to Ed Hardiman and the slobbermetrics it uses.

and I pretty much agree about the Cubs, which, given my track record on predictions, should make Hal/Smitty/Shecky do a lot of soul-searching

So you're pretty much admitting that you're wrong a lot on predictions? I could never have fathomed this! You base the things you say on so much excellent evidence!

...I...I thought we just named him Slobby.....

which is impossible because it doesn't have a soul, just an evil chip that makes it want to mate with Marie Osmond and produce robots that sing show tunes.

Oh no he di'int!

But: and this might seem like an irrelevant question, Rick. Does the soullessness (I'm inventing words, this guy is so stupid) of a computer stop it from predicting the outcomes of baseball seasons. Does it? Just answer, I won't go crazy and argue it has a soul.

Do feelings count? Or hunches?

Hunches....you mean those things that by definition are based on absolutely nothing? I have a hunch that Alfredo Amezaga will outproduce Matt Holliday this year. Just a hunch. It counts, dammit!

Where is there room in computers for the inexplicable?

Nowhere, just like there's no room in baseball for it either. Improbable, yes. Inexplicable, no.

Does the fact that it's the Cubs' 100th season since their last World Series title mean anything in the computations?

I dunno, Rick? Do you think that the last 100 Cubs seasons (which, by the way, primarily featured players not currently on the Cubs' roster) have any bearing on how many games this team will win?

Does it mean anything that the Cubs could be driven by the challenge of a century of dryness or, conversely, that they could cave in under the pressure of it and finish 10 games below .500?

Okay, let's assume that's true. Those two possibilities cancel each other out approximately, leaving the same initial prediction. The computer doesn't think these things CAN'T happen, Rick, just that they are unlikely. It just takes the record in the middle of the range of the most likely outcomes. Why is this so fucking hard to understand?

I believe the Sox are embarrassed by what happened last season and, not to belabor the point, there is nothing in a computer's innards that can measure the effects of that.

So what are you saying, an embarrassed with-something-to-prove Jose Contreras will be better than his physical ability?

That the Sox dropped from 90 victories in 2006 to 72 games last season was one of the shocks of the baseball season. But not to Baseball Prospectus, and the people who run it deserve their props. They chalk up a lot of what happened on the South Side last season to the inevitability of time catching up with older athletes. I chalk it up to a number of players having down years at the same time.

Right, you attribute it to that because you're not paying attention at all. The team is losing, so you exacerbate what went wrong, and fail to pay attention to what went right! For every player on the Sox who had a bad year (relative to the expected), there's one that had a pretty good year by his standards. Jim Thome fought aging very well, and had a very good season. Bobby Jenks broke out. Mark Buerhle, Javier Vazquez, and Jon Garland all had very good seasons by the standards of their ability. Players stopped being so absurdly healthy like they were when the team was performing very well.

Isn't there room for a number of Sox to have good years at the same time? Say, in 2008? If Jim Thome stays healthy, he could have an excellent season.

Just like he had last season! .328 EqA+!

The Cubs don't have a good enough rotation to do the impossible and win the World Series

The '06 Cardinals were famous for having an AMAZING starting rotation. Guys like Jeff Suppan and Jeff Weaver. Top-of-the-line talent, really.

but perhaps Carlos Zambrano's feistiness becomes contagious and the staff starts pitching like the '69 Mets did. Can a computer comprehend feistiness? I don't think so.

Oh dear Lord! The computer's calculations were leaving out feistiness! Silly computer! Move the K/BB ratio and GB/FB ratio projections, and remember that Carlos Zambrano has a fire in his belly! Ryan Dempster and Jon Lieber will rediscover their youth! Jason Marquis won't suck anymore, inspired by Zam punching random objects and pointing to the sky after every inning! I plan to destroy the computer on which I am typing after this post. How could it have missed this?

This is the time of year for predictions, so it's not surprising there would be a few bad tidings, especially for the Sox.

The problem with computers is that you can argue with them until you're blue in the face, and they don't even blink in response. There's no satisfaction in it. You can, however, achieve a higher level of contentment by hitting them with a baseball bat.

Agreed. So long, Compy. I hardly knew ye. I'm sorry for shouting aimlessly at you until my face turned blue.....I just....I just don't understand how you can't comprehend the grittiness of Pablo Ozuna and Ryan Theriot! Forgive me, we're from different worlds. Maybe we'll just never understand each other. ::sniff::

::CRASH!::

www.FireRickMorrissey.Jayspot.claims

It's a well known fact that Rick Morrissey hates Jay Mariotti. Rick thinks it's laughable that Mariotti won't show his face in the Chicago White Sox clubhouse (he literally fears for his life) but constantly slams the Sox from a distance. Mariotti, in the most immature of stunts, posted this, claiming with ridiculous evidence that Rick Morissey is "stalking" him.

I have nothing more to say about this. It looks like Jay is right. It's just funny that actual sports analysis is taking a progressively lower portion of his writing, and when he writes on topics like this, it just vanishes completely.

Nothing but this little nugget, actually.

As I've said for years, the Trib should have hired Michael Wilbon when it had the chance -- or never should have let Lincicome, Verdi and Bayless go. Those gentlemen seemed to develop opinions without reading the Sun-Times first.

Yes, that's right Jay. The Tribune would be in way better shape if it kept Skip Bayless on their staff. He's not pointless, retarded, and an ignoramus or anything.

It's Not That I Particularly Like Rick Morrissey...

...but this is a very good article. If every sports journalist could follow the lead Morrissey at least lays out in this article, this site might not exist.

Here's some highlights:

If you use swear words, as Guillen did, you might be referred to in the newspaper as "potty mouthed," a term that is so matronly, it's hard to know where to begin. If this keeps up, the Sox aren't going to need a manager, they're going to need a schoolmarm.

This is absolutely 100% true. In case you hadn't heard about the flap, AJ Pierzynski was on the Mike North sportstalk radio show on AM 670 in Chicago. AJ criticized manager Ozzie Guillen's decision to start backup catcher Toby Hall in the meaningless first game of the meaningless interleague series vs. the Cubs. Ozzie called in to confront AJ and North, and let drop a few "shit"s on live radio.

Some columnists in Chicago acted like this was a crime against humanity, the latest in Ozzie's various sins against the pure-hearted baseball loving public. I don't think Rick Morrissey or I are trying to say it's ok that Ozzie cursed on the airwaves, but the fact is, everyone who listens to sports talk radio has heard the word "Shit" before. It's also likely that most everyone who listens to sports talk radio has said the word "shit" before. Every baseball coach I've ever had has used the word "shit" before and I didn't respect them any less for it. So I guess what Rick Morrissey's trying to say here, and what I would echo, and will echo, is that it's not that big a deal.

Say what you will about the decline in decorum in American culture, but that's the way it is. You may say that this is sending the message that it's ok to say "shit" in casual conversation. But guess what: it is. When you reach a certain age (let's say, 18) it doesn't become a big deal. If the situation calls for it (say, you ding up your car on a lamp post, or drop a brick on your toe, or have some shithead catcher on your team question your judgment) you curse. And people generally understand.

Too bad the airwaves, FCC, and moral compass of the media is always harping on completely ridiculous, irrelevant shit. The whole Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction, for instance, was completely ridiculous. It was a fucking stupid publicity stunt, but to use that to completely enforce state sponsored censorship seemed to be an extreme. The party line "we must protect our kids from ever seeing tit again" seemed to belie a kind of accepted ignorance to the fact that football is a violent sport played by assholes. The fact that the NFL wants the Super Bowl, a collection of ruthless borderline criminals running into eachother (beautifully) at high speeds, to be a "family entertainment hour" despite the fact that it's hopelessly violent and mostly unappealing to the majority of women is underscored every year by nauseatingly saccharine half-time shows (even the most innocuous of which are always protested by clueless morons....see this year's phallic silhouette flap for proof) and "the commercials" (as in the ever-annoying "I only watch it for the commercials").

Meanwhile Roger Goddell and David Stern continue to bite the hand that feeds them, eschewing the fact that NFL and NBA's immense popularity in urban milieus (which separate the two leagues in the race for nationwide popularity and ad revenue and luxury box sales from the less popular-in-urban-areas MLB) comes largely from the "street cred" of the two leagues. David Stern is the biggest perpetrator of this shilling and shucking, basically spitting in the face of his urban audience with dress codes and ridiculous suspension policies in preference of the luxury box crowd. Goddell merely enforces a behavior code that seems predicated on suspicion of guilt---something that inevitably seems to vilify certain athletes while ignoring the fact that the league is mostly full of generally criminal ex-collegiates who inevitably lived a lawless life as college players, taking payoffs, showing up to class when they felt like it, and having sex in degrading ways with innumerable groupies. The fact that players like Michael Vick, Terrell Owens and Randy Moss are portrayed as some sort of outsiders, aberration, execptional assholes, and so on, instead of as the rule, while, paradoxically decent guys (who, in my opinion are the vast exception rather than the status quo) like Donovan McNabb and LaDainian Tomlinson are lauded for their being decent human beings---I guess what I'm trying to say is the league sort of acknowledges that most everyone is a scoundrel, but also singles out people for having bad attitudes. It really reminds me of a very funny Onion article about Ray Allen. This one, I mean.

Like, for example, remember Mark Chmura making that very public statement after the Packers's Super Bowl win that he wouldn't go to the White House to accept a congratulations from Clinton because of Clinton's "immoral behavior"...About a year later Chmura was arrested for statutory rape. He was, of course, inevitably acquitted when it was determined that all he did was take the 17-year old girl into the bathroom, lock the door, force her pants off and manually, and only manually, show her the meaning of tight end. Not to single Chewie out excessively, but I think this is a beautiful metaphor for sports journalism today. All the Schillings, Mariottis, Baylesses, and Dr. Z's of the world pointing a finger at the crumbums and ne'er-do-wells of the sports world with 4 fingers pointing back at them. Just saying.

But I digress. Morrissey says this better than I anyway. Let's let his words do the talking:

I'm not sure what's left for them anymore. No swearing. No off-color jokes. No having disagreements with teammates. And, please, whatever you do, no youthful indiscretions. Don't make mistakes as 18-year-olds that you will be spanked for again and again later. Don't dare do that because there's no statute of limitations on immaturity.


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I don't walk with my knuckles dragging behind me, nor can I make a side part with the hair on my back. But sometimes I squirm at what is happening in my profession. It's not that the blowhards are winning, which is bad enough. It's that the blowhards are commando Puritans on the lookout for sinners.

That's why a manager who swears or a figure-skating judge who cheats can get the same indignant treatment as the football player who gets arrested three times in less than two years. It's all the same. There's no distinction, just the same reaction: The humanity!


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All of this poor behavior among athletes arouses some of the writers—in a very pure way, of course. They can't have this sort of thing in society. Next thing you know, we'll be tolerating sports owners who don't shell out big bucks to bring winners to a town that so richly deserves them.

Give me turmoil, not because of the benefits to a controversy-starved columnist like me. Just to know that there's a pulse. That they care. I'll take that anytime over a group that toes the line.

Guillen cares. So do his players. The rest of it is silly stuff.

Not the best-written article I've ever read, nor is Rick Morrissey guilt-free when it comes to writing stupid bullshit, but credit where credit is due. It's a breath of fresh air to hear this thing outside the blogosphere (god, do I love that term) and as an added bonus, it's almost like you can hear him pretending to clear his throat whilst coughing "Mariotti! Mariotti!" after every sentence.

Kudos, Rick Morrissey. Now just try to refrain from writing more "The Cubs are more important than the White Sox" articles for about a month or so.