According to Rick Reilly, the person most hurt by Lance Armstrong's lies was Rick Reilly

I don't think Rick has a baseball HOF vote, but he should.  He gives any of those assholes a run for their money in terms of ability to make everything revolve around himself.

Among my emails Wednesday morning, 

The first time I clicked into this article, I clicked out after reading this far.  I begrudgingly went back when I realized I was overdue for writing a post.

out of the blue, was one from Lance Armstrong.

Riles, 

What do you think Reilly called Armstrong?  Hopefully something as cringe-worthy as "Riles."

I'm sorry.

All I can say for now but also the most heartfelt thing too. Two very important words.

L

And my first thought was ... "Two words? That's it?"

Armstrong, as has been documented in hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of places, is a legendary assfuck.  I'm so sorry that the personal apology he emailed you wasn't contrite enough for your tastes, but you should be thrilled you got one at all.  

Two words? For 14 years of defending a man? And in the end, being made to look like a chump?

/smallest violin

Wrote it, said it, tweeted it: "He's clean." Put it in columns, said it on radio, said it on TV. Staked my reputation on it.

Staked your what on it?  Oh, that?  Good news, no one noticed.

But here's the thing. When he says he's sorry now, how do we know he's not still lying? 

Oh my God, who cares?  He's another dirty competitor in the dirtiest sport on Earth.  Like 90% of all pro cyclists are on something.  You're a complete and total hack, a complete and total tool for athletes to use to push their agendas (as you're about to admit in this very column), and that's not their problem.  They might be terrible people but they don't owe you an apology.  They're not your friends.  They didn't steal anything from you.  Get the fuck over yourself and stick to writing stories about disabled children who get to play sports just like everyone else because gawrsh sports are just beautiful aren't they?

And I guess I should let it go, but I keep thinking how hard he used me. 

You're a 15 year old girl realizing the guy isn't going to call.  You're a fucking child.

Made me look like a sap. Made me carry his dirty water and I didn't even know it.

Because you're a bozo.

Look, I've been fooled before. I believed Mark McGwire was hitting those home runs all on his own natural gifts.  I believed Joe Paterno couldn't possibly cover up something so grisly as child molestation. 

Holy God, you are dumb as fucking rocks.

I bought Manti Te'o's girlfriend story. 

OK, that one, woosh, I'm not touching that one.

But those people never looked me square in the pupils and spit.

Pathetic.

It's partially my fault. I let myself admire him. Let myself admire what he'd done with his life, admire the way he'd not only beaten his own cancer but was trying to help others beat it.

YOU ARE ATROCIOUS AT YOUR JOB.

I didn't realize that behind those blues was a bully, 

Everyone realized that!  It's, like, the #1 most well known thing about his personality.

a coercer, a man who threatened people who once worked for and with him. The Andreus. Emma O'Reilly. Tyler Hamilton. Armstrong was strong-arming people in the morning, and filing lawsuits and op-ed pieces in the afternoon. We'd talk and his voice would get furious. And I'd believe him.

How do you have any money?  How have you not been scammed out of every single penny you own by deposed princes of Nigeria who ask for help getting millions into American banks? God you're gullible.  

I guess I should forgive him.

Fuck that.  What you should do first is 1) get off your fucking cross, 2) try to develop a perspective that doesn't place you at the center of the goddamn universe, and 3) stop being bad at your job.  Worry about forgiving Lance later.

Matt Sussman uses giant soapbox to whine

The only thing I know about Matt Sussman is that he is a contributing writer for the site Deadspin, which I read every day. Today he wrote this really crumb-bum article:

Was That A Great UFC or What? (No, Really, Tell Me)

When I first read this, I assumed that this article would be about a non-MMA enthusiast having watched UFC 100. But I was wrong. Dead(spin) wrong!

Not to break wind on the parade of the 18-35 male demographic, but it seemed from this comfy couch that everyone was watching UFC 100 because everyone else was.

Yeah, that, or maybe it was the Welterweight and Heavyweight title fights, which included possibly the best pound for pound fighter in the sport and the most physically dominant heavyweight ever respectively.

So, not being one to fall behind on today's hip happenin' trends, I turned it on. And let me tell ya, I don't know what the big deal was. All the view was obfuscated by the letters "SORRY, THIS CHANNEL IS NOT AVAILABLE." I was later informed that you have to pay money to see this event, because it is important.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. I did not see that coming!

I then inquired why such a huge event in a sport trying to constantly prove itself to the mainstream isn't available for free. The dog had no idea.

Just a wild guess, but maybe it has something to with money.

I really want to formulate some kind of thoughts on the sport — and I'm sure others out there are curious too — but, c'mon, I don't have that channel. Especially as a guy who has to keep a site like this warm on the weekends, it's beneficial to be at least competent in boxing and MMA and the Premier League.

Argh, if only Deadspin or the Gawker network had some sort of revenue stream. Then they could pay for you to watch both.

But I'm not going to spend another $30 a month to get certain premium soccer channels or spend ... really? Just 55 bucks for the fights in HD?

God forbid, you'd go to a bar and watch it for the price of drinks/some cover charge.

Were the Super Bowl to be aired on pay-per-view, the live blog of it would be much less descriptive. All the sports websites would still be talking about it, and you'd feel left out, too.

Yes, NFL : UFC :: Apples : Apples

Except for the fact that the NFL is the most popular league in America, with every regular and post season game being broadcast on network television (save for MNF on ESPN). Additionally, the Superbowl (which happens once a year) rakes $90 billion per 30 second ad spot.

Compare that to the UFC (whose best fighters fight 1-3x per year) which has a couple shows on Spike TV, and has pay-per-views an average of once per month. Those ppv's draw powerhouse sponsors like Mickey's Malt Liquor, and for UFC 100: The USA Today Sports Section, the Cadillac of sponsors. But I'll be darned if I can figure out why Dana White would want people paying $55 per ppv.

So I understand how MMA is ever-proving to everyone that it's legitimate entertainment and how far they've come, but ... um, would ya mind showing the rest of us cheapskates?

Yes, they would mind because they like making money.

If not, then I'll be damned if I ever have the desire to write about the sport anymore.

This was the MMA article that Deadspin, the most prevlant non-msm sports blog in America, ran the day after UFC 100. Sheesh.

Pat Forde: Columnist/Grand Marshal for Coach K Pity Parade

Pat Forde wrote this article prior to USA winning the gold medal in men's basketball titled such:

Coach K didn't have to take this gig, which is why he should lauded for it

Wait, Coach Kredibility wasn't forced to participate in the olympics? That means that he's like oh I don't know, maybe about 100% of the other people involved in the USA olympic teams.

They introduce the United States basketball team before each game, and every time it's the same.

Roars for Kobe Bryant and LeBron James. Enthusiastic cheers for the rest of the roster. Silence for coach Mike Krzyzewski.

Egads, the coach didn't get the same level of applause as two of the most skilled, exciting, charismatic, etc. players of all time? What is wrong with olympic basketball fans?

It's a long way from the collegiate love bubble of Cameron Indoor Stadium to NBA-crazy China. The idolatry Krzyzewski is accustomed to at Duke is lost in translation here.

As it is in literally every other arena in America.

A billion Chinese really don't give a damn who coaches this collection of superstars.

Nor should they, as that orang from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back could probably coach this team to a gold medal.

Coach K's mission was to go from college basketball emperor to Olympic facilitator. From the guy with every answer to the guy with everything to lose.

Just note what Forde says here, and then read this next paragraph.

They've called this the Redeem Team, but Krzyzewski needed no redemption. His basketball legacy is secure: three national titles, Hall of Fame membership, status as the most accomplished and authoritative active coach in college basketball. He's in the thick of the debate over who is the all-time greatest college coach not named John Wooden.

So in other words, he really has nothing at all to lose.

Despite all that, the 60-year-old voluntarily stepped out of his considerable comfort zone and put his rep on the line alongside the 12 guys wearing the uniforms.

Again, he was risking NOTHING. If they didn't win the gold, everyone would say that NBA players just can't play international basketball even with the greatest coach ever in the history of sports. Or, if they won, people would say that it had a lot to do with Coach Komendable's incredible koaching.

If the U.S. does win the gold medal Sunday against Spain, the credit will go to the players, who have done everything right these Games. They'll deserve it. They've played with passion, togetherness, respect for the ability of their opponents and appreciation for what the Olympics are all about.

Krzyzewski? He'll receive some ancillary praise for his caretaker's role.

Which of the following was an ancillary reason for the US winning the gold medal:

A. Team USA being so insanely stacked that Dwayne Wade, Chris Paul, Chris Bosh, and Darrent Deron Williams came off the bench.

B. The head coach, who had 5 college/NBA coaches working under him. The Koach who's won all of 1 NCAA national championships in the past 15 years despite consistently having teams filled to the brim with McDonalds' All-Americans.

But if the U.S. loses, repudiation will rain down on the college guy who somehow found a way to screw up a royal flush of professional talent. These days, the loser always gets killed for being out coached -- and if the loser has LeBron and Kobe, he definitely won't be the guy with lesser talent.

Or much more likely, he would dodge blame, just like he does in every year where Duke under performs. Meanwhile, Kobe and Lebron would get raked over the coals by dumb fucks like Skip Bayless who would say crazy shit like "Kobe and Lebron are holding Team USA back."

So far, so very good. The U.S. has won its seven games by an average margin of 30.3 points, and there are no signs of unhappy campers on the American roster. Hell, the All-Star subs are on their feet and cheering as much as the walk-on Dookies Krzyzewski coaches during the winter.

Ubuntu, thy name be Team USA.

And now he's 40 minutes away from joining his former mentor, Bob Knight, as the owner of three NCAA titles and one gold medal. Only a monumental collapse could stop the completion of this redemption mission.

So even Forde realizes it's harder for this team to lose than win.

When America does beat Spain on Sunday, there once again doesn't figure to be any appreciable applause for Mike Krzyzewski in Beijing. But he'll deserve it, for taking a greater risk and accepting a lesser reward.

Jeez, what's that weird ringing sound? It's getting closer. Oh shi--

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMbulance.