Bowl Controversy Series

Do you see what I did there? BCS headline joke, in your face. 

I rarely get fired up about sports controversies, because they're largely manufactured by ESPN and usually matter less than Steven Seagal's character in Executive Decision (ROFL!!!1). However, this Utah BCS thing has got my pickle juiced. Not only my pickle, but the pickles of sports writers everywhere! So, I started reading articles about how Utah is getting jobbed out of a National Championship shot (to be honest, I don't watch ESPN, but there doesn't seem to be THAT much outrage). Here's a little of what I found:

Let's start obscure, what's that you say Weird Head Shaped Lunatic from Topeka? Utah got screwed by epic proportions and you have a great solution? Let's hear it. 

Secede, I say! The five non-BCS conferences in the FBS - Conference USA, the MAC, the Mountain West, the Sun Belt, and the WAC - should award their own National Championship. 

This is a great idea, we could even group those conference together and call them something like... DII, or DI-AA. It's foolproof. Honestly though, this is a horrible fucking idea for so many reasons, mostly, it doesn't solve anything -- Utah (or any future team from a small conference with national title aspirations) is left holding their cocks. 

Alright, shit eating pieces of shit from Kansas aside, there must be "real journalists" to weigh in on this...Oh, my good friend Rick Reilly! He actually writes a pretty good article about the fuckjob that Utah is receiving, albeit, with his usual annoying style and smashed full of dumb references, but pretty good. That is, until the last line of the article:

Lemonades for everybody!

Wait, what? I'm lost, but what does that have to do with anything? Is he making fun of Utah for being Mormon and drinking lemonade? Is it some sort of "when you've got lemons, make lemonade" joke? Who knows?

Alright, who's next? Oh, my man, Bill James. The title of this article is "Boycott the BCS!" Hell yeah, we're gonna get some solid statistical analysis about why Utah deserves a chance at the national title. 

But until that happen, statisticians, quantitative analysts, and all related professionals should have the dignity, the self-respect, and the common sense to have nothing to do with the BCS...

You guys want to make a mess of this, you can make a mess of it without our help. 

Note to Bill James: Nobody Gives a Fuck About Your Computers. Maybe it was because I was misled about what this article was going to be about, but seriously, Bill James just ripped off a 2,300 word opus about how the BCS's computer models aren't statty enough. That is his biggest problem with the BCS: not that half the schools in D1 have literally 0% chance of ever even contending for a title, but that the computers used in the system aren't up to par. This probably isn't popular to say on a stat-favoring sports blog, but Bill James just made himself into a dickfor in my eyes.