Brief MMTMQR: Good Players Only Play for Good Teams, Everyone Knows That

I wish I had more time to make a longer post. Unfortunately I don't right now. But I do have time to briefly marvel at the levels of retardery to which Gregggggggggggggggggggggg (get it?) will stoop.

Tuesday Morning Quarterback Non-Quarterback Non-Running Back NFL MVP: I gave up complaining that the MVP award always goes to a quarterback or running back -- 90 percent of football action occurs away from the ball!

And with players who were undrafted and played their college ball at NAIA schools.

-- and created my own award in 2001. Three years ago, an impressive-looking trophy was added, along with a presentation on media day at the Super Bowl.

Number of recipients who have not been creeped out/annoyed by this process: zero.

"SportsCenter," show the trophy presentation live next year!

Ah, two of ESPN's crappiest institutions in one place at one time. I can only imagine.

This year's finalists were Gary Brackett and Dallas Clark of Indianapolis, Jahri Evans and Darren Sharper of New Orleans; Nick Mangold and Darrelle Revis of Jersey/B; and Sidney Rice and Kevin Williams of Minnesota.

Are you ready for the good stuff?

Only players from the championship round were eligible: My reasoning is that if you would wear the mantle of Most Valuable, you better have created some value.

And again.

Only players from the championship round were eligible: My reasoning is that if you would wear the mantle of Most Valuable, you better have created some value.

And one last time.

Only players from the championship round were eligible: My reasoning is that if you would wear the mantle of Most Valuable, you better have created some value.

Here's a very short list of non QB/RBs who, according to Gregg, did not create value this year:

Andre Johnson
Ryan Clady
Vernon Davis
DeMarcus Ware
Haloti Ngata
Nnamdi Asomugha

Your own in the comments! Oh my God, this man is so fucking dumb.

In addition to watching way too much film of these players, I consulted experts. My oldest son's high school football coach, James Collins,

Ah, presumably coach of the official son of TMQ, the WASPily-named Spenser.

favored Evans, the league's best offensive lineman. Aaron Schatz of Football Outsiders favored Revis, the league's best corner. K.C. Joyner, the Football Scientist -- who actually reviews every snap of every game; he is a brave man --

As opposed to Gregg, who turns on the game, waits for a blitz to not work so he can write about that, notes which coach is wearing more clothing so he can write about that if the team loses, and then goes back to his West Wing DVDs.

favored Clark, because of his disruptive impact on opposing secondaries. Unlike many Pro Bowl voters, all three of my insider sources pay close attention to actual NFL performance, as opposed to hype.

The Pro Bowl voters are a group of questionable intelligence. For my money, though, they ain't got shit on Mr. "If the team that lost on a last second field goal had just run up the middle instead of throwing an incomplete pass on a play with 14 minutes left in the 4th quarter, they would have won because the clock would have expired before the final field goal!" over here.

In conclusion: maybe next year you'll be eligible to receive a dinky trophy from Gregg Easterbrook (in what must be a painfully awkward ceremony) if you just get out there and create some value, Charles Woodson!

Michael Wilbon sounds like an idiot

On Wednesday, Kornheiser and Wilbon were discussing some of the Pro Bowl snubs. Some of this is word for word, other is paraphrasing.

Kornheiser: I like Brett Favre, but I think Pennington probably deserved to go over him.

Wilbon: Forget Pennington; I want to talk about two other guys: Kerry Collins and Matt Cassel. I don't want to hear about QB Rating or TD/INT ratio. They've led their teams. The best record in the league still belongs to Tennessee. Kerry Collins and Matt Cassel belong in the Pro Bowl ahead of Brett Favre.

Surprisingly, Michael Wilbon didn't cry at all last year about Adrain Peterson making the Pro Bowl, despite the Vikings going 8-8 and not making the playoffs.

Kornheiser: By the way, Matt Cassel's record is the same as Brett Favre's this year.

Wilbon: I don't care; he's had a better season than Favre this year.

So apparently stats do matter after you get facialed by Tony Kornheiser.

Korneiser: You see I'd put in Pennington over Favre because Pennington has a +8 TD/INT ratio to Favre's +4.

Wilbon: Would you put in Collins and Cassel?

Kornheiser: Collins: no. Cassel: Maybe.

Wilbon: How?

I know it's hard to believe, Mike, but it seems as if Kornheiser has (perhaps mistakenly) locked onto a rational thought process. Seriously though, what does it say about you when you're getting schooled in logic by Tony Kornheiser.

Kornheiser: You know who I would put in? PHILLIP RIVERS WHO HAS 28 TOUCHDOWN PASSES TO 11 INTERCEPTIONS!

Wilbon: STOP! Stop with the stats. Don't turn yourself into a stat geek. Phillip Rivers' team stinks and he is the leader of the offense. I don't care if he has 100 touchdown passes, he has failed in the clutch.

Whereas Kerry Collins has been decidedly awesome with his 78.7 QB Rating, sandwiching him in between Neckbeard and Tyler the Skeleton Fucker on the QB Rating list. The only thing that matters is the win/loss record, which in no way effected by variables such as the other 52 guys on the team, coaching, officiating, weather, dumb luck.

Yes, lets just throw out all the stats when deciding who goes to the Pro Bowl and just base it off win/loss record (which may or may not be a stat). If only there was some sort of Bowl game that was just the best team from the NFC vs. the best team from the AFC. Man, that'd be Super.

UPDATE:

For those who don't know why I referred to Tyler Thigpen as "Tyler the Skeleton Fucker."