ZOMG!!!! TeH ANGELS IS TeH BEST TEAMZ EVERR!!!!!!

Bert Blyleven's writing is one very small step above the quality of that title.

Final stretch: Breaking down the playoff races
Angels look like MLB’s best, but who will join them in postseason?

Gee golly, Bert. We've been over this before. You seem to be the only person in the world who thinks that the Angels are this good.

This is going to be fun.

With the All-Star Game and trade deadline behind us, it’s time to look ahead to the playoffs.

Whew. Thankfully that there All-Star Game is over, so now I can care about which baseball teams will go on to the postseason.

Back in April, I predicted the winners of each division race and the wild card races, then took a leap and chose a World Series winner.

That was a good time. You chose the Angels to win the World Series.

Let’s take a look back at my picks, see if they’ll hold up for the rest of the season.

Yes, let's! Skipping to the flagrant parts, of course.

AL CENTRAL

Preseason pick: Minnesota Twins

I expected the Twins’ deep young rotation to make a big difference this season, but things haven’t quite worked out that way. Kevin Slowey is done for the season and Francisco Liriano has struggled. They’ve needed some young pitchers to step up, and aside from Scott Baker (6-1 over his last 11 starts), that hasn’t happened.

Well Nick Blackburn has a 3.79 ERA, against the odds, but I guess that isn't considered "stepping up", I guess.

The White Sox and Tigers both made big deadline deals, with the Tigers bringing in Jarrod Washburn and the White Sox acquiring injured right-hander Jake Peavy.

Chicago took a big risk in trading for Peavy because they dealt a fine pitcher for him in Clayton Richard. Peavy threw on the side on Sunday and his ankle was ok, now he must build up some arm strength.

I laugh that you think Clayton Richard was the centerpiece of that trade. Hilarious.

For the Tigers, Washburn was a nice pickup who fits in nicely. He’s not the ace

Eh?

— that’s Justin Verlander —

Oh.

but he’s a solid veteran who gives them an edge down the stretch.

"Gives them an edge". You see, when the second place team similarly acquires a pitcher who is a solid veteran, you need to say something to compare these pitchers, Bert. What if I told you that Peavy gives the White Sox "the edge"? Gives them the edge over who?

Miguel Cabrera is having an MVP season,

Fair...ish. He shouldn't win.

Magglio Ordonez is starting the swing the bat better

Not really, like at all. Please look at that game log and tell me that he's doing any better now than he has the rest of the season. Oh yeah, and let's not forget that $18M ticking time bomb attached to all this playing time!

(Well....$15M considering the buyout....)

Their question mark is in the bullpen, and I’m surprised they didn’t address that before the trade deadline.

Hmmmmm...that's interesting. I would have argued that their "question mark" would be "How the hell are we going to score runs when we start Gerald Laird, Adam Everett, a broken Brandon Inge, Clete Thomas (in LF??), and Carlos Guillen (at DH?????????) every day?" But that's me, and I tend to think about things before publishing them to a major news website.

Updated pick: Detroit Tigers, as they have fewer questions than the White Sox and Twins.

....as listed by Bert Blyleven. You listed the Tigers' bullpen as a weakness. Could you....could you even name me one pitcher in the Tigers' bullpen?

AL WEST

Preseason pick: Los Angeles Angels

I liked the Angels at the start of the year,

Everyone who has been in a 1,523 glorpulon radius of msnbc.com knows you liked the Angels at the beginning of the year. And always.

based mostly on their pitching,

Oops.

though I also expected a big season out of Bobby Abreu, and he is delivering.

Bobby gon' win the MVP then sign a fat contract. Just like the plan.

The more the season progresses, the better that pick looks. I got a good look at the Angels against the Twins over the weekend and was impressed as they scored 35 runs on 52 hits in the three-game series. They’re hitting .290 as a club and that’s almost scary.

About as scary as being only 3.5 games in first place and having the 3rd worst ERA in the AL to fall back on.

And Chone Figgins is the catalyst. He gets on base, he steals bases, and he’s a good hitter from both sides of the plate. If the Angels continue this way, you have to look at him as a possible MVP.

No. Shut up. Shut up. Shut the FUCK up. Chone Figgins is very useful. But he doesn't even have a .300 EqA, and he's not even the most valuable hitter on that team.

See people? This is why blogs like this have to live on. Bert Blyleven shouldn't be
allowed to say things like "Chone Figgins is a possible MVP" and get away with it.
He just....shouldn't!

They have a couple of question marks in their rotation,

That's putting it very mildly.

and could really use some improvement out of Ervin Santana and/or Joe Saunders. Jered Weaver is very consistent and John Lackey is pitching some very good baseball. If you have three good starters in the postseason you’re in good shape.

You just listed two good starters.

Updated pick: The Rangers are a great surprise, but I’m sticking with the Angels.

Excuse everyone while we all don't die of shock.

NL WEST

Preseason pick: Los Angeles Dodgers

Manny Ramirez, as popular as ever, has a little “Fernando Mania” thing going on out there, and less well known is the fact that Casey Blake is a very steady player.

Shhhhhh...don't let the secret out.

But you're right....sooooo steady!

Blake is one of the keys to their offense.

Interesting, un-crazy, go on......

He won’t put up MVP numbers

I agree! It's good that you're noticing him......

but three out of five times he’ll get the big hit.

I quit. Game over.

Three out of five times.

Casey Blake is more than just steady. He's the best player in Major League Baseball.

And THAT, friends, is "less well known".

World Series: The Phillies will get past the Dodgers in the NLCS, only to fall to the Angels in the World Series. Los Angeles will rely on its speed and defense to get past Philly for its second title (2002).

I don't want Bert Blyleven to make the Hall of Fame anymore.

Bert Byleven, Make the Hall of Fame and then SHUT THE HELL UP

With the usual apologies to reader Tonus.....it's time for some Halo-bashing. Although it's not really "bashing". Let's call it "accurately-assessing-that-mediocrity-of-a-team-in-a-way-that-no-one-paid-to-write-about-baseball-seems-to-be-able-to"

Despite departures, Angels will win AL

I demand to know right now. What the fuck is the obsession that the media has with this team? It's like Eckstein never left!

The Angels won 100 games last season, but over the winter they lost Mark Teixeira, Francisco Rodriguez, Jon Garland and Garret Anderson.

They watched Hunter and Guerrero slide further down the path of "old". They inexplicably gave Juan Rivera another job, and instead of hiring a first baseman, they gave the job to a wedge of cheese.

They did add Brian Fuentes and Bobby Abreu, and they remain not only the class of the AL West, but also my pick to make it to the World Series.

There are at least eleventy-five better choices to win to the World Series. They are jusssssssssst barely better than the Oakland Athletics.

Under manager Mike Scioscia, the Angels are so fundamentally sound, and that leads to victories.

Hit that cutoff man! Tag up on a fly ball! Keep playing that mediocre defense!

They are division favorites because even with the departure of Teixeira, they will win with solid pitching, dependable fielding and a productive enough offense.

"Solid"...."dependable"...."productive enough". Gee Bert, don't get too excited about these guys!

Abreu in left field makes their lineup look even better.

"Even better". Wow Bert, "even better" than 10th in the AL? That's amazing! Oh, and did I mention that you just swapped out Teixeira for Abreu and claimed that the lineup got BETTER? You fucking serious?

Offensively, they are a very solid club,

WRONG! And just a couple paragraphs up, I thought they were "productive enough." Now they're "very solid"? Did they acquire Manny Ramirez between the time you wrote those two paragraphs?

especially in the middle of the order, with Scioscia most likely hitting Abreu second, Vladimir Guerrero third and Torii Hunter fourth.

How is this remotely considered GOOD? This is EASILY in the lower half of the league as far as "heart of the order" is concerned. Probably bottom 10.

Their starting rotation is impressive, especially the top three.

I would agree.

Ervin Santana is growing in wisdom as a pitcher,

That's a fun way to describe a 26-year old.

Jered Weaver is the fourth starter,

Naming a pitcher and not saying anything else about him is a great argumentative tactic.

and Dustin Moseley appears to have the leg up on a wide-open battle for the fifth spot.

Blyleven: Ahem...yes...that appears to be what this depth chart I'm reading names off of says. I'm just going to keep making nondescript shit up about each one as we go.

Fuentes is not K-Rod,

He's just as good.

but he has 30 or more saves in three of his past four seasons in Colorado.

And might have saved 63 if he played for the Angels last year.

There are other AL teams being more highly touted,

The better ones.

but sometimes as a former player, your gut just tells you good fortune is going to shine on a certain team in a certain season.

THE ANGELS WERE LUCKY AS SHIT LAST YEAR TO WIN 100 GAMES.

Seriously Blyleven, go to Vegas. I wasn't aware pitching in the MLB gave you a supernatural ability to determine what teams would get lucky in a given season.

You know, I kind of like the Atlanta Braves this year....because....because I just think they'll get lucky! That's why!

Even though the Yankees spent $423 million this offseason on free agents CC Sabathia, Mark Teixeira and A.J. Burnett, the Red Sox, who made some low-risk moves that could yield high rewards, will win the AL East.

The Red Sox starting rotation is a big plus. And it’s not just Josh Beckett, Jon Lester, Daisuke Matsuzaka and Tim Wakefield. The free-agent signings of Brad Penny (one year, $5 million), and John Smoltz (one year, $5.5 million, with a possible added $5 million in performance bonuses) could be huge positives.

Let's see, that's 6 starters, plus Clay Buchholz.....hey Bert, how many guys get to be in a starting rotation?

Even without Manny Ramirez, the Red Sox have plenty of offense in Dustin Pedroia, David Ortiz, Kevin Youkilis, Mike Lowell, J.D. Drew, Jason Bay and Jacoby Ellsbury. As long as they stay healthy, they have a lot of ways to protect Ortiz in their lineup in the post-Ramirez era.

Protect....David Ortiz? What year is it again? 2006?

The Yankees will have to settle for the wild card. Their rotation begins with Sabathia. It also has Burnett, Chien-Ming Wang, Joba Chamberlain and Andy Pettitte.

Again, really a great way to inform me about the quality of the Yankees' pitching staff! By the way, are the Rays just irrelevant or.....

Chamberlain is penciled in at No. 4. This is a move I disagree with. Chamberlain should stay in the role he has excelled in, and that is the setup man to closer Mariano Rivera. That’s Chamberlain’s greatest value to the team.

And perhaps they should plug his spot in the rotation with like....Jaret Wright (didn't that work out well that one time?). Or maybe a live donkey.

With Chamberlain starting, the question of whether the Yankees have enough reliable arms out of the bullpen to get games to Rivera becomes even greater.

You see getting to Rivera is really only important if you have the lead to begin with, and that begins with a quality starti-....oh you're not done. Sorry. So sorry.

And what about Rivera? He turned 39 on Nov. 29, and he’s coming off surgery in early October on his right shoulder. Will he be the same dominating closer as he has been in the past?

Well he was the best closer in baseball last year, if that's any indication.....

The Rays will find it too difficult to again finish ahead of the Red Sox and Yankees simply because seasons like the magical one they enjoyed in 2008 are hard to repeat.

And there you have it folks. Give Bert his paycheck. He's done his job.

It was all magic. Not the fact that they had (and still do have) the best pitching in baseball. Magic. Abra-cadabreraweablabala.

Lean toward the Twins to capture the AL Central mainly because of their impressive young pitching staff. But this division race should be an extremely interesting one with the potential of all five teams being in the mix.

Name 3 players on the Kansas City Royals before saying that. No...wait...don't just name them. I know by now that you're very good at that.

The Twins are a solid club, but they need more depth off the bench and more power.

This is the nicest thing I've ever said about Carlos Gomez, but the Twins have 4 outfielders capable of carrying a starting job. They also have Brendan Harris, who has to be one of the best bench bats you can find, and probably one of the best backup catchers in baseball in Mike Redmond. I don't understand where you got the idea that this bench needed to get any better.

I can't end on that....it wasn't funny.

Poop.

Bert Blyleven: Great Pitcher, Awful Analyst

He's been writing pieces for MSNBC.com, and I'm finally ready to call him out.

Here, he ranks the top aces in baseball

Here are his AL choices.

1) Roy Halladay, Blue Jays.

OK sure. I don't agree, but you're welcome to that opinion.

2) Josh Beckett, Red Sox

Yeah, yeah...

3) Erik Bedard, Mariners

He's filthy, and might be my #1. Totally deserves mention in this list.

4) Justin Verlander, Tigers

Good, good, nice choice.

5) C.C. Sabathia, Indians

Also an outstanding young pitcher.

6) John Lackey, Angels

Great work, you're on a roll!

7) Jon Garland, Angels

STOP!

Garland has a 105 ERA+. He's perfectly "above average". He is not an "ace". You already have John Lackey on this list, so why did you choose another Angels pitcher, unless you're really trying to rank the best overall starters in the AL?

Where's Kazmir? Vazquez? Wang? Greinke? Possibly the biggest sin of all, where's Fausto Carmona? And hell, why not rattle off Burnett, Buchholz, and Blanton? Felix Hernandez? James Shields? Healthy Rich Harden? There's guaranteed a few more to name, but where the FUCK did you get the idea that Jon Garland was the 7th best starter in the AL? Jon Garland?????

Wait, there's more, he tries to justify this crap.

After winning 18 games in 2005 and 2006

Hi Bert. Wins are not good for evaluation, Bert. Matt Cain was 7-16 last year, Bert. The White Sox crushed the ball on offense in 2006, Bert.

the right-hander posted just 10 victories last season and had a losing record (10-13).

But he pitched better in 2007 than 2006, Bert.

But the White Sox experienced a tough 2007 and for 2008 Garland has changed uniforms, traded last November to the Angels, where he should flourish with increased run support.

Bert, the offense scoring more runs does not make Garland a better Bert. I mean pitcher, Bert. It just means he'll accumulate more of an outdated pitching statistic intensely correlated with run support, Bert.

Bert.

Garland induces a lot of groundballs

But his GB% has alarmingly declined from 48% to 43% to 41% over the last three years, Bert.

and he does not give up a lot of home runs.

You win, Bert.

He will battle hitters hard and can handle throwing a lot of innings (he’s pitched over 200 the last four seasons).

Jason Marquis has averaged something like 200 over the past 4 seasons, Bert. Jon Garland is like Jason Marquis with less homers, Bert.

He has an aggressive approach aimed at getting ahead of hitters

Which contrasts to Fausto Carmona, who tries to get behind hitters in the count, Bert?

He stays around the plate and doesn't give up many walks.

But he also doesn't strike out guys, Bert! Is striking people out important, Bert? Is the combination of 4.5 K/9 and a decreasing ground ball rate a good sign, Bert?


Garland grew up in Southern California and with him going home a big year might well be in the cards, maybe in the range of 18 to 21 wins.

Please send me a historical report showing statistical data that pitchers pitch better in their home states, Bert. Do you even know who James Shields is, Bert?

For Garland the positives with the Angels are not only on offense

None of the positives for Jon Garland are on offense, Bert. Jon Garland doesn't hit in the vast majority of his baseball games, Bert. If Casey Kotchman decides to break out and club 67 homers, this does not make Jon Garland a better pitcher, Bert.

but also on defense where he can expect solid fielding behind him all season long.

That also does not make Jon Garland a better pitcher, Bert. It makes Jon Garland look like a better pitcher, Bert. That's why we have things like Defense Independent Pitching Statistics and Defense-Adjusted ERA, Bert.

I can't believe I just had to convince Bert Blyleven that Jon Garland is not a top 7 pitcher in the American League. I'm literally kicking myself for bringing that "Circle me, Bert!" sign to the last baseball game I saw in the Metrodome.

Just kidding, I've never been to the Metrodome. I actually want to be the one who gets to push down the trigger for the dynamite when that thing goes up in smoke.

For the interested, Jon Garland currently boasts a 5.50 ERA. He has started 3 games, thrown 18 innings, and has struck out a fuckingwhopping (yes, that's a word) 2 hitters.