Showing posts with label free lunches get links. Show all posts
Showing posts with label free lunches get links. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I'm a Basement Dwelling Blogger Who Keeps His Word

A few months ago, I promised friend of the blog Jeff Pearlman I would plug his new book. It's called "Boys Will Be Boys." It's about the Dallas Cowboys of the 1990s. And it's available today. Although Jeff is a pretty cool guy, the real reason I made this promise was because I hoped it would induce him to offer me a free copy of the book before it hit shelves. Alas, that didn't happen and as a result I obviously haven't read it yet. So how can I still plug it? Easy. Kissing Suzy Kolber has done my work for me. And if reading their preview doesn't make you want to drop some money on the book and read the whole thing, well, I don't know what to tell you. Obviously you're either a tightwad or you don't like things that are funny.

Also, I forgot to link them when I initially made the post, but my implication from yesterday night that Rex Grossman is the kind of QB who thinks any pass not thrown into the end zone is for pussies isn't my own idea. It also came from KSK.

Monday, July 14, 2008

BACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACK........ GAWWWWWNNNNNNN!

Wow. What the fuck. I just rewatched pieces and parts of last year's home run derby, which was being shown on ESPN2. Of all the annoying things Chris Berman does, I think I have a new favorite: his referencing of local cities/landmarks when describing how far a home run went. During a total of maybe twenty minutes worth of HR derby, I think I heard him awkwardly drop in about fifteen Bay Area points of interest. Not once was it funny. Not once was it clever. Not once did it add to my enjoyment of the festivities. Which begs the question- assuming he's commentating tonight, what NYC-area locations will he blurt out? Follow along at home, and see how many you catch!

-Statue of Liberty!
-Empire State Building!
-Times Square!
-Central Park!
-Ellis Island!
-Staten Island/Manhattan/Brooklyn/Queens!
-Laguardia/JFK!
-Mount Vernon!
-White Plains!
-Union City!
-Yonkers!
-Connecticut!
-Harlem/East/Hudson River!
-THE ATLANTIC OCEAN!
-CANADA!
-OUTER FUCKING SPACE!

I bet he hits at least 10, maybe 12 of those.

Also- I'd like to take this opportunity to mention two blogs that are pretty fucking awesome. The first might already be familiar to a few of you- it's BenGoodFella's blog The Bottom of the Barrel, and it's very well done. I think he does more work for it on his own than our entire "staff" of six writers does for this piece of crap. And it's funny, too. So basically... it's better than this blog. Damn.

The second is a little more random. I only found it by looking at all the sites that have linked us in the last month via Google Analytics. It only has six total posts, hasn't been updated since June 18th, and doesn't even allow outside comments. But in spite of its anonymity and relative lack of content, it fucking rules. It's called Fire Michael Ryan Gebhardt. Who's that guy? Just read it and find out. And if you're out there reading this, "The Jackal," please please please update your blog more regularly. This MRG dude sounds like a real zero- don't tell me you can't bait him into emailing stupid shit to you more often than once every three weeks.

That's all I've got for now. I'm off to HACKENSACK! in hopes of catching a home run tonight. Hey, if any of you regular readers or commenters have a blog that you think is better than ours, email a link to firejaymariotti@gmail.com. If it's any good I'd be happy to link it in a post like I did for these two guys.

Friday, October 19, 2007

The End of an Era

It's noon on a Friday and I notice "SportsCenter Special" is on the screen. What is it for? The Yankees. Joe Torre not signing with the Yankees. In the middle of Rockies vs. Indians/Red Sox, there is somehow hours of Yankees coverage. Honest to God - it's called SportsCenter Special: 2007 Yankees The End of an Era Take a look. If this is the new direction of 'This is SportsCenter' ads, then you can count me out. How is this any better than the repeat of the west coast show? At least then I could have seen highlights of the Rutgers/USF game... instead I'll have to watch FSN's Final Score. The ALCS is still going on. I know nobody is really watching ESPN in the middle of the day, but c'mon. I'm watching in a bar and there's no volume or captioning, so I borrowed a computer and TiVoed it on over the internet. Here's the best of the best of what I heard from Joe Torre's news conference. All times are central. 1:17 pm - and not very important - The TiVo was awakened from recording a suggested recording of Card Sharks to record. I join the press conference in progress, which is a shame. I really wanted to hear what was said when I was in the bar. 1:20 pm - Budd Mishkan, NY1 - "We've seen some strange things from the Yankees in years past. Managers fired, then the decision is reconsidered in the next couple days. Billy Martin was announced at an Oldtimers day a couple days after he was fired. I know it's a long shot, but in the next couple of days, they reconsider for whatever reason would you or is the door absolutely shut?" I bring this up not because of how confusing the question seems at the end there, but what's on the screen. TheBottomLine has JOE TORRE STATISTICS scrolling along the bottom instead of who will play tonight and a meaningless stat about that match up or a player in that game. Moments later, the SportsCenter Pièce de résistance of live action split screen with vaguely related stat gives us Longest Tenured GM/Manager. No doubt that somewhere in Bristol, makers of these stat screens were sitting at the screen like parents at a children's beauty pageant. Quickly, they pace around a control room hoping that something is asked that kind of resembles their stat so that THEY get picked. Sure it's interesting that the four longest GM/Manager relationships all broke up this year, but maybe it's time that they moved on. I'm sure there are other managers looking for a GM out there. Better managers. Managers with feelings. And a boat. 1:23 - Amy Nelson, ESPN.com - "What is it that you're going to miss most about being manager of the Yankees?" Hard hitting questions today. I can name a couple of the things that I would miss about being a manager: The money. Bottomless buckets of bubble gum and sunflower seeds. Being the only coach that wears a uniform, therefore being the only coach allowed on the field in all of sports. But let's see how Joe answers: "Well, spring training is wonderful. Even though George'd never agree with me, I said spring training is great because you don't have to win games." ...and then he talks out of the side of his mouth, waiting for uproarious laughter from the press. Nothing. Boy, tough crowd. Maybe something a little blue will crack them up yet, Joe. Quick, SAVE IT! "...but that didn't always sell on my part. I had a lot of fun with it though. The thing I'm gonna miss most are the players... I mean, the players and the game itself... uh... and my coaches. That was the most fun for me." Well I guess I missed the mark. He could have two of the three of those things with a fantasy team and MLB Extra Innings. 1:30pm - Joe Torre: "I know Brian [Cashman] as General Manager has a lot of balls to keep in the air at the same time. As fas as I'm concerned it's pretty simple..." A little out of context, juvenile quoting for you. I was actually typing the intro when I heard that and pressed pause so I could get right back to it. 1:34 pm - CJ Papa, TV55: "What was it like for you this morning when you woke up knowing you were not the manager of the Yankees anymore?" Torre at the Improv: "Well, you know, it wasn't that tough. I mean, which time when I woke up?" Torre brings out the laughs with incontinence. I really hope there's a follow-up question coming from NY1 that involves holding a lead. CJ Papa hiccups into the microphone laughing. Torre is probably kicking himself that he forgot his fart machine. That thing would have killed. 1:37 pm - Bob Wolf, News 12: "All of the sudden, the Yankee front office seems to believe that a 3 out of 5 series is more important than a 162 game campaign. Have you ever been able to convince them that it's just a matter of luck, you're going to do a short series like that? Let me check real quick... nope, they still play a postseason. That would make a 3 out of 5 series more important than a 162 season. It would appear winning the regular season didn't get the Yankees a championship. 1:47 - Back to the studio, where we are told to tune to ESPNews What's interesting about this is the last question that aired on ESPN was from ESPN, then they cut away. The studio crew takes us to the top of the hour, where the coverage is accidentally summed up by Karl Ravech as he throws it to Buster Olney to close it all out. "Let's get Buster in here quickly. We had Donald Trump talk about the early 70s and we know how they struggled in the 80s. What crossroads do you think the next 6 months will be for the Yankees?" That's right. To talk about baseball, ESPN called Donald Trump. They can bring in an endless parade of sports writers to be talking heads. But somebody said "GET ME DONALD TRUMP!" and it was so.