Wednesday, February 2, 2011

A nice visit with some morons from the past

About three-ish years ago, I watched Around the Horn and PTI almost every day. It's true. I won't say what I was doing with my life at that time that enabled me to do so; it's mildly embarrassing and unimportant. I will say that after a few months of watching I got used to the buffoonery I absorbed on a daily basis. Sure, I knew I was watching a bunch of morons. But I didn't take the time to really process any of the specific instances of moron-ness I saw. It was just one big loud 60 minute shout.

That brings me to yesterday. I had a spare hour in the late afternoon/early evening and decided to take a trip down memory lane. Hoooooooooooo DOGGIE did it hurt. I didn't DVR the shows so I will relate to you only the worst bit I remember from each.

From ATH, I'll go with the panelists' responses to a (very reasonable- and I say that with no sarcasm) question: on Monday night, the Nuggets traveled to New Jersey for the first time since the Melo-to-the-Nets rumors died. Melo scored 35 but the Nets won. Who feels better about the night: Melo or Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov? Lots of interesting angles one could take here. Melo feels better because he got to stick his talent in Prokhorov's face even though it was Melo's refusal to sign an extension with the Nets that killed the deal. Or maybe Prokhorov gets to feel better because his team got to show Melo they don't give a shit about him. I dunno, be creative. Come up with something that is 1) responsive to the question and 2) not boring. Unfortunately the entire panel failed on both counts by each goin with some variation on

Well, Prokhorov has more money. So he's got to feel better about the game.

Fail.

The PTI bit I remember most vividly was much more infuriating because it was dumb analysis on a dumb topic (instead of just dumb analysis). The utterly irrelevant subject matter: Wilbon interviewed Ben Roethlisberger and asked Roethlisberger whether or not he feels like he's turned his life around. WELL BY JOVE, ROETHLISBERGER SAYS HE HAS! NOW THAT'S NEWS! A pro athlete that was skewered by the press and the public recently for being a total asshole is asked if he's still a total asshole. His shocking answer: no!

Anyways, Kornheiser of all people had to play the voice of reason once Wilbon brought this up and say that he (Kornheiser) was still pretty skeptical about Roethlisberger and that Roethlisberger still has some work to do to repair his off field image. Wilbon's indignant, snarky, wiseass response:

Well I'll tell you where he doesn't have any work to do: on the field. He's doing just fine out there.

Great. What were we talking about again? Thanks for the shiny, beautiful red herring.

Mike Wilbon in 2005: Barry Bonds tells me he's gotten past his animosity towards the general public and will no longer be an asshole to anyone, ever. I gotta say I'm buying it. He seemed sincere when he said that into my tape recorder during our interview that was scheduled well in advance and set up on friendly terms.
Me: Geez, I don't know, he's got a pretty long track record of being a complete douche. I think he's probably going to have to do more to-
Wilbon: WELL HE STILL HITS LOTS OF HOME RUNS MAYBE YOU FORGOT TO CONSIDER THAT.

Have you ever noticed how I always pick on Bonds when I do analogies like this? Wonder why that is.

In conclusion, ATH is still full of idiots (although some of them are new idiots), and more importantly Mike Wilbon is still a total piece of shit. Kornheiser gets a pass from me. This time.

9 comments:

PTI JTS said...

You might not know this if you haven't been watching PTI, but Wilbon's been absolutely offensive with the whole Roethlisberger deal. He was a major cheerleader for "he wasn't convicted, so the NFL shouldn't punish him." He was a cheerleader for "The NFL should reduce his suspension, he hasn't gotten in trouble in four weeks!" He's still at it. Yes, Kornheiser's been pushing back a bit, but I swear Wilbon must have been helping Big Ben's buddies guard the restroom door that night or something.

Elliot said...

Roethlisberger: great football playing rapist, or the greatest football playing rapist?

Chris W said...

I'd ned to see big ben go a year without sodomizing and unconsenting woman before I can believe he's changed

Chris W said...

*an.

damn "smart" phone

CHart said...

is there a racist tag we can add? As in, Larry, stop being such a huge racist.

First Name Last Initial said...

Real question here: Is Jay Mariotti still on Around the horn?

Dan said...

Michael Wilbon: Steelers, 28-24

"As great as Tom Brady and Peyton Manning have been for an entire decade, I think "Big Ben" and Aaron Rodgers are now the two best quarterbacks playing in the league. Roethlisberger is still underrated by his peers and the people who watch football, and we're going to be reminded of that Sunday."

That's ridiculous

Chris W said...

Football analysts just like it when people pay attention to them. They're like dogs. Dogs that have been hit too many times by passing cars.

Bill Brown said...

I hope you guys are going to rip Skip Bayless to shreds. He actually said on "First Take" yesterday that Andy Pettite is a no doubt about it first-ballot Hall of Famer. I guess he drew the "I'm the idiot today" straw in the production meeting?