Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Jeff Pearlman: As usual, what the fuck are you talking about?

See if you can follow this flawless logic without having your brain explode:

Just listened to a little bit of Aaron Rodgers’ interview with the NFL Network crew.

Not sure if y’all have heard about this,

You're from upstate New York. Please drop the fake folksyism of "y'all."

but the Packers overcame so much adversity this year.

Like injuries.

And … uh … well … yeah.

Injuries.

And … other, meh, stuff.

Seriously, of all the cliched babble out there, the we’ve-overcome-so-much-adversity line might be my all-time least favorite.

Yeah, the line gets overused. And I'm not sure if the Packers overcame any substantial adversity outside of injuries this year. But...

OK, the Packers had a lot of injuries this season.

Dear Jesus, did they ever. In addition to tons of smaller injuries, like losing Charles Woodson for the second half of the Super Bowl and losing Aaron Rodgers for two games, they ended the season with 13 guys on injured reserve. These weren't little rinky-dink third stringers, either- Ryan Grant, Nick Barnett, Mark Tauscher, and Jermichael Finley were all big time contributors in 2009 and all missed at least 15 games. The Packers got totally demolished by injuries this year. They got banged in the butt by injuries. They got annihilated by injuries. In short, they got incredibly unlucky w/r/t injuries (unless their training staff blows or something, which I doubt is the case). Then they won the Super Bowl. Those two facts are definitely worth mentioning together.

So did the Jaguars,

Missed the playoffs.

the Giants,

Missed the playoffs.

the Saints,

Made the playoffs, then lost in the first round to a 7-9 team.

the Raiders

Missed the playoffs.

and 70 percent of NFL teams.

Untrue.

Hell, the Steelers lost their quarterback to a four-game suspension.

Not an injury, unless being a complete fucktard counts as an injury.

The Bengals had to overcome the death of a receiver. The death.

That happened last season. Last season. And then they lost their first playoff game without putting up much of a fight, probably in part because they were emotionally drained.

In conclusion: most teams that get killed by injuries don't make the playoffs. Those that do fold like a cheap tent when they get there. The Packers might have been the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE team to get hit hardest by injuries this season, and they won the Super Bowl, but that's nothing to brag about because Pearlman doesn't like the "adversity" line. Nothing to brag about at all.

Jeff Pearlman eats paste.

3 comments:

Mike said...

I know Jeff reads this blog and if he sees this, there is something I would like him to clear up:

In "Love Me, Hate Me" (Which I loved, by the way, and thought was better than "Game of Shadows") he mentions a long letter written to Barry Bonds by an 8-year-old boy named Pete Ottone, which he says was likely deposited into the trash by Bonds.

However, I recently read "Boys Will be Boys" (Another very enjoyable read) and noticed his name mentioned again, in a different capacity:

Taken from Deadspin:

During a team meeting, linebacker Greg Lloyd fumed aloud about the "cheap-ass accommodations," when head coach Bill Cowher interrupted him to say, "Greg, I'd like to introduce you to Peter Ottone, the hotel's general manager, who's standing next to you."

Of course, there is a very good chance they are father and son and I will look like a fool for posting this, but I am just curious...

cs said...

Interesting Mike. And obviously you'd have to be a complete asshole to make up sources and use the exact same name. ...Jeff?

Furthermore, Brett Favre on Dancing with the Stars? Fuck. Me. We'd have ESPN articles about Favre clear into May 2011... Thanks Kurt Warner.

Tonus said...

From a piece he did for ESPN's Page 2 in 2007: "[Pete] Ottone -- a Brick, N.J.-based chiropractor -- and I go back 17 years, to when we were neighbors in a freshman residence hall at the University of Delaware."

Jeff probably uses Pete's name as a substitute for stories and rumors where real names can't be verified or it's not worth the time to find out. Poor Pete Ottone, forced to live vicariously through Jeff Pearlman!