Monday, October 19, 2009

Uh Oh, Someone Taught an Idiot a Big Word

Those who are stupid enough to watch NFL Live at 1 in the morning for no good reason (read: me) know that Trent Dilfer is in a dead heat with Ron Jaworski for being the analyst who most obnoxiously overuses the word "football" as a qualifier/adjective. By which I mean that whenever he's discussing highlights, they're always about football players making football plays on football fields for their football teams in a football game, etc., rather than players making plays on the field for their team in a game. You know what I mean.

Well apparently some asshole at ESPN, knowing that Trent is a guy who likes to sound smart but in reality is too dumb to tie his own shoes, decided to teach Trent the word "dynamic." Now, I know what your next question is. And the answer is no. No, they did not teach him the word's meaning. Just the word itself- which sounds pretty long and smart when you say it. Go ahead, just say it now. Listen to all those syllables. You sound like someone giving a presentation at a big corporate meeting, with a big posterboard with some pie charts and bar graphs behind you on an easel! Dynamic pie charts and bar graphs.

So I'm sitting here, wasting my night listening to Trey Wingo try to be even more annoying than Stuart Scott, and in about 10 minutes of color commentary Trent has used "dynamic" approximately 750 times. Teams are dynamic. (They're dynamic football teams, in fact.) Players are dynamic. Schemes are dynamic. Game plans are dynamic. Audibles are dynamic. Hell, even some coaches and referees are dynamic. The way certain guys tackle or run routes or block is dynamic. He even referred to someone's explosiveness as dynamic. Is that possible? Can you have explosiveness which varies in nature and is capable of changing and progressing while taking on different forms? Anyways, thanks to this anonymous word-spreading asshole (or perhaps a "365 Cool Words!" daily calendar) and Trent, everyone and everything in the NFL is now dynamic. This blog and all its readers might as well be considered dynamic at this point. Nothing would make Trent happier.

7 comments:

Tonus said...

This sounds promising. Maybe people can suggest 'big' words to Trent and watch him misuse them in his analysis for ESPN. That might make those 1AM NFL Live shows entertaining.

I would suggest "asymptotic" to him.

Patrick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pnoles said...

That was a very solid making-fun-of-sports-journalism post on this making-fun-of-sports-journalism blog, by our leading making-fun-of-sports-journalism.....guy.

Jack M said...

Larry,

Great great job of making fun of that NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE analyst.

Larry said...

Speaking of Stu Scott...I saw him doing some NLF highlights during halftime of the Monday Night game or something. He started using some word (think it was 'bunk' or something like that). He obviously thought it was the new "swagger" because he kept using it. Without hesitation one of the white ex player dudes tried to use it and totally messed it up.

Anyways I thought the word was stupid and that's my story.

Jeff said...

I'm not sure if you caught this but in the week 2 game between the Jets and the Patriots, the announcer said the following:

"Boy I tell ya, Darrelle Revis is a FOOT-BALL player"

Now, it's annoying when announcers overuse "football", but usually it's just an additional adjective. Like "he's a dynamic football player". But it REALLY drives me nuts, when football is the entire adjective. Like that's the analysis. Anyway.

Alex said...

They're 'dynamic football players' as opposed to dull field hockey players.

The 'perts are just making sure we don't get lost.

Geez.