Monday, October 5, 2009

MVP = MCPP (Most Consummately Professional Player)

Amidst a lot of pretty inoffensive analysis in this Scott Miller MLB season's end column (Mauer and Pujols for MVP, Grienke and Lincecum for Cy, Coughlan and Andrus for Rookie of the Year, etc.) we have this, his No. 10 NL MVP vote. As in, the guy in the NL who Scott thinks is 10th most worthy of being voted Most Valuable Player.

10. Juan Pierre, Dodgers. I know there are several others who could have slotted in here (see next paragraph), but this guy deserves an MVP vote for two reasons: 1. He was lights out during Manny Ramirez's suspension and the Dodgers would not have kept rolling without him. 2. He was the consummate pro in handling things as a fourth outfielder this year, adding to the Dodgers' overall picture instead of subtracting from it.

Oh wow. Holy moley. Scott Miller, you are a fucking stump. First, let me make sure I get this straight. The two measurements of MVPness Scott uses here are: 1) being "lights out" (read: OPSing .781) for a 50 game stretch and 2) being a "consummate[ly] pro[fessional]" 4th outfielder. That's awesome. Hey, let's just go ahead and hand anyone who plays kind of well for a couple of months and isn't an asshole about playing time an MVP. Under that standard, only one guy in the league doesn't get a vote: Gary Matthews Jr. Sounds great.

Also, let's look at the names included in the next paragraph Scott references, who didn't make his top ten and are ostensibly less worthy of MVP consideration than Juan "accepts the role his manager gives him and doesn't kill his team in the process" Pierre:

Matt Kemp
Mark Reynolds
Derek Lee
Adrian Gonzalez
Ryan Braun
Jayson Werth
Todd Helton

Each of these players was roughly 10,000 times more valuable in 2009 than Pierre was. Matt Kemp is like a version of Pierre who doesn't throw like a toddler and can hit for power. Mark Reynolds is a "three true outcomes" guy- Pierre is a two true outcomes (infield hit, out) guy. And so and so forth, with a joke crafted to each of these players. They were all better than Pierre this season. Lots better. Way, way, way better. Some of them like Helton and Lee are even known for their consummate professionalism! Look, I'm willing to bet each might have been more valuable than Pierre if you put their worst 50 game stretch up against Juan's Ruthian 50 game Manny replacement phase (He had 17 extra base hits!). Words cannot describe how fucking indefensible this is. Fuck you, Scott Miller. Fuck you and the Bill Plaschke-esque idea you rode in on.


Tonus said...

Dusty Baker says that Juan Pierre could hit second for him any time.

Chris W said...

Infield hit isn't a true outcome, jackweed

Jack M said...

He was the consummate pro in handling things as a fourth outfielder this year, adding to the Dodgers' overall picture instead of subtracting from it.

He might not have brought a whole lot to the table, but you do have to admit that he didn't break the table. MVP this man.

Larry B said...

Juan Pierre is so fast he turns infield hits into a true outcome, dickbreath.

Rich said...

Shame Jamie Moyer threw that hissy fit after being moved to the BP. He could've been the NL Cy Young.

Oh well.

Juan Pierre is so fast he can steal second from the on deck circle.

dan-bob said...

Milton Bradley also did not get a vote.

Dubs said...

Pierre isn't even the 10th most valuable Dodger, let alone in the whole league.

Bengoodfella said...

Somebody make shit like this stop being written. Please...

I don't know if Juan Pierre is even the most valuable 4th outfielder in the major leagues, let alone the most valuable player in the league.

WV: humbl

Bengoodfella said...

I meant to type the 10th most valuable 4th OF in the major leagues.

Elliot said...

Where does Eckstein fall in all this?

Oh, right, we're talking about professionalism, not grit.

Alex said...

At this point, why not Juan for his professionalism? I mean, they gave a fucking Nobel Peace prize to a guy who had been in office two weeks when the deadline passed.

Fuck me.

And fuck you to people who defend this incomprehensible decision.

We make up all sorts of bull shit reasons now to give something to someone we really, really like. No concrete accomplishment? Fuck it. You're my kinda guy!

Man, the head spins.