Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Fuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I wish I could have liveblogged this entire game.

Scene: Tigers/Twins, Bottom of the 10th, Tigers lead 5-4. One out. Runners on first and third. Your hitter is Matt Tolbert. Yes, that's right, a player as bad as Matt Tolbert is going to decide the fate of the single biggest game of regular season baseball. Chip Caray and "Color Guy" have the call.

Pitch 1: Rodney throws a hard breaking ball down. Tolbert waves at it with his bat about 2 feet over where the ball crosses the plate with all the velocity of an old Asian woman driving on the expressway.

Pitch 2: Called fastball strike at the knees.

Pitch 3: Tolbert hits a weak bouncer up the middle. Within inches of Polanco's glove and a likely game-ending double-play (despite Tolbert's speed), the ball sneaks past the infield up the middle for a hit.

Color Guy: "What an at-bat by Tolbert!"

That's the formula for hitting success folks. It's simpler than we thought.

Step 1: Swing at awful pitch
Step 2: Take called strike
Step 3: Weakly hit bouncer
Step 4: ....
Step 5: Win!

__________________________________________________

And to conclude the game:

Chip Caray: You have to tip your cap to the Jim Leyland and the Detroit Tigers. They could not hold a 7 game lead at the beginning of September.

Gee there Chip, that sure was a thoughtful thing to say! You gotta hand it to the Chicago Cubs. They did not come close to living up to their talent this year.

16 comments:

Andy said...

I cursed at my television when Span sac bunted in the 9th. I congratulated Ron Gardenhire on "coaching his way out of the fucking playoffs." Glad to be proved wrong, because I hate the Tigers.

Paul Arrand Rodgers said...

"Could this be the last regular season ninth inning in Metrodome history?"

Jack M said...

Paul Arrand Rodgers,

I think when that quote was said, it answered the question of: what is the sound of 10 million people doing the face-palm simultaneously?

Bengoodfella said...

Who can forget Chip Carey calling a fly ball a base hit?

Both Skip and Harry Carey would have rolled over in their graves if they had heard that game being called.

Elliot said...

Thank goodness we get TBS for the rest of the divisional series and the NLCS. Can someone let me know when the Dane Cook ads start so I can gouge my ears out with an ice pick?

Anonymous said...

"Color Guy?" It was Ron Darling, generally regarded as one of (the) best guys in the business (and rightfully so) you meathead.


Yikes. Can we get some meta-meta analysis? Bad sports criticism, criticism?

Jack M said...

Generally regarded by who? The same people who thought John Madden was still the best when he retired?

Larry B said...

Darling is atrocious, Anonymous. He single-handedly made the 2007 NL playoffs way less exciting than they should have been for this Rockies fan. Caray is dumb but at least he has some energy. (Darling... was in the booth in 2007, yes? I'm pretty sure.)

Tonus said...

Chip also wanted to send shout outs to the 2007 & 2008 Mets, 2004 Yankees, and 1982, 1986, and 1995 Angels.

Chip should look into a career that requires him not to speak.

pnoles said...

Anonymous:

I don't care who it was. That comment was unspeakably idiotic. If you think swinging at a bad pitch, taking a strike, and then hitting a weak bouncer merits the comment "What an at-bat by Tolbert!", then you need to find a different blog.

Martin said...

For some reason, the national media think Darling is good. Darling is fucking terrible. I'd never heard him before this game, and thought for some reason Boomer Esiason was doing color commentary. Low voice, arrogance about how the game should be played, lack of insight into baseball...it coulda been.

He also said with 1 out in the 3rd that 40 pitches was a nice pitch count, and that 15 balls to 25 strikes was a "good" ratio. 40 pitches with 1 out is about a 100 for 5 1/3 innings. Not nice at all, and it's only a 3 to 5 ratio for balls and strikes. Middling, not good.

Anonymous said...

Eh, I think the national media is right on this one and the 3 of you are crazy. But that's me.

Martin said...

Yeah, teh national media likes Joe Fucking Morgan too, and he's worse then Darling.

Chris W said...

"I think the national media is right on this one"

Link please.

pnoles said...

nh cw

Adam said...

Chip Caray said "I think this year might be Jim Leyland's best job as a manager."

I think Chip forgot about 1997 when he won the World Series with the Marlins or 2006 when the Tigers won 95 games and went to the World Series.

Also Jim Leyland, great job leading your team to first place for 136 games then coughing it up at the end.