Monday, October 26, 2009

TMTMQR: A Brief Review of Idiocy

This is the latest I've ever done a TMQR; this week's might be out by the time you read this. But last week's was so fucking awful that I can't let it go by without making very brief comments about a couple of its most offensive turdclumps.

New England's touchdown passes went to Randy Moss and Wes Welker on downs in which they were not covered by anyone -- they simply ran up the field, ignored by all Tennessee defenders.

Randy Moss and Wes Welker are both really good. They're hard to cover. There were no plays during this game during which they were "ignored by all Tennessee defenders." There were plenty of plays on which the coverage wasn't nearly good enough to stop them. That'll happen when you're dealing with, you know, two really good receivers and a really good quarterback. This is classic fucking Easterbrook. What a douche. At least he doesn't say this about offensive linemen anymore. That was classic fucking Easterbrook circa 2007: "ON EVERY PLAY OF [game X], THERE WERE AT LEAST FOUR OFFENSIVE LINEMEN SIMPLY STANDING AROUND DOING NOTHING!"

In cultural news, with the big-budget movie "2012" opening soon, Sony is avidly promoting how cool it would be if the entire Earth was destroyed. Why does a major corporation think this would be really cool?

And this is the first movie ever made featuring a situation like this! Surely this has never ever ever been done in Hollywood before! (Considered linking to the IMDB page for Armageddon or Deep Impact or The Day After Tomorrow or a hundred other movies- decided against it because I want to go to bed)

TMQ warned about the Mayan prophecies regarding December 2012 two years ago.

This is like commenting "FIRST" on a blog post. But less cool.

The fact that there is now a major motion picture on this theme grants me peace of mind, owing to this rule of thumb: Anything predicted by a major Hollywood movie is certain not to happen.

A law as immutable as cold coach = victory.

"One thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three, one thousand four, one thousand five, one thousand six." That's what TMQ counted as Ben Roethlisberger scanned the field before throwing an 8-yard touchdown pass to Heath Miller.

WHOA WHOA WHOA. That's some pretty hyperspecific time measurement there. Why don't we just say Roethlisberger had about a minute or so in the pocket before he threw.

Meanwhile the Broncos are 6-0, and while their schedule gets tougher as the season progresses, Denver is positioned for good things. Kyle Orton, constantly looked down upon as merely a "game manager" and not a true quarterback, is now 27-12 as a starter -- a lot better performance than many cannon-armed quarterbacks one could name. Surely Orton cannot throw a 60-yard pass while kneeling, as JaMarcus Russell famously did. All Orton does is win games.

Shittiest. Analysis. Ever. And I say that as a Bronco fan. Look, I'm perfectly happy with him and everything, but all Orton does is not throw interceptions (something he does- responsible for some of his teams' successes), hand the ball off well (something he does- responsible for a tiny bit of his teams' successes), and play for teams that have amazing defenses (has nothing to do with him at all- largely responsible for his teams' successes).

Fortune Favors the Bold! Game scoreless, Houston went for it on fourth-and-1 at the Cincinnati 13, despite a prominent fourth-and-1 failure the previous Sunday. The Texans scored a touchdown on the possession, and the aggressive call set the tone for Houston's win. Carolina and Pittsburgh won after going for it on fourth-and-short situations in which most NFL coaches would kick. TMQ even liked Detroit going for it on fourth-and-1 when trailing Green Bay by 14-0. Though the attempt failed, and the lowly Lions were pounded, aggressive tactics eventually will reverse Detroit's losing psychology.

So- going for it on 4th and short is awesome when it works. And it's awesome when it doesn't work, because it will totally have an unquantifiable and intangible effect sometime in the future. Awesome! Life is good when you have a vivid imagination.


Tonus said...


Adam said...

Fortune Favors the Bold! (Except when it doesn't.)