Thursday, March 5, 2009

OMG! Who Would U Want 2 B Ur New BFF?

Sportscenter continues its downward descent into retardery. I understand turning this kind of thing into a simple internet poll, but how insulting is it to make the lead story on a Thursday night edition of the nation's premier sports news program: "TO, A-Rod, or Manny- who would you want to be your teammate?" Because that's what happened tonight. Here's my answer to that, anonymous ESPN program director: who gives a shit? What is this, an "Us Weekly" poll? How about instead of asking dumb and meaningless questions like that, you instead just report the news (the relevant news) and show some fucking highlights. Now, I'm not saying that those three guys aren't all relevant stories right now. They are. But why must they all be packaged together, in an invitation to the masses to pick which of the three would make the best teammate? That's the worst possible way to present those stories. The absolute worst. Sportscenter is quickly becoming worse than chlamydia.

The sad part is, there are millions of cable viewers out there tonight who thought this was a totally relevant and fun way to look at the stories surrounding these three guys. These pinheads thrive off of comparing apples to oranges to bananas, particularly when there's absolutely no need to make the comparison in the first place. Fuck this country. I don't mind our politics, or wealth disparity, or any of that stuff a lot of people cite as reasons for disliking us. I just hate 90% of the people who live here. Jesus fucking Christ, people. Stop pandering to this shit. SAVE US, LE ANN SCHREIBER. Dear Lord.

Oh, and for what it's worth, if I had a vote, I'm going for Manny. He seems like a cool dude! TO and A-Rod are selfish, and more importantly they aren't "winners!" Yay for useless polls!

9 comments:

Jarrett said...

Manny would probably appreciate you more, not take you for granted. With A-Rod, it's like he wouldn't really need you. He'd probably sneak out after you fell asleep. But... with A-Rod, you'd get the financial security. I'd go with A-Rod.

Bengoodfella said...

Larry, so you did or did not like the poll question asked? In response to your semi-question, yes the polls on ESPN are exactly like an US Weekly poll. The similarities between how US Weekly covers celebrity events and how ESPN covers sports is striking.

Chris W said...

chlamydia's not that bad...

Anonymous said...

TO, A-Rod, Manny...fuck one, marry one, kill one. Go.

Larry B said...

Great game Anonymous. Perhaps the best time-killing game among friends of all time. I'm killing TO (too annoying), banging A-Rod (somewhat feminine), and marrying Manny (I think he's good crazy, not bad crazy).

pnoles said...

Jarrett, thumbs up for the Family Guy quote.

pnoles said...

Jarrett, thumbs up for the Family Guy quote.

Jack M said...

You'd marry a guy, Larry? GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

yournamehere said...

Who would you rather let circumcise your infant son? Jim Calhoun, Jeannine Edwards, or Johnny Bench?

Just as relevant as the ESPN question.