Sunday, March 22, 2009

AP Writer Thinks He's the Next James Joyce

Sometimes I'm just cruising around teh interwebs, not intending for find material for FireJay, when I stumble onto garbage like this (from the AP rundown of the Missouri/Marquette game today):

For four unbelievable minutes early, Kim English turned the basketball court in Boise into his own private Idaho.

During two excruciating free throws late, it was his personal little pressure cooker.

Jesus Christ, did Bill Plaschke tell him to write like that? Hey, asshole: just tell us what happened during the game. Don't try to be all fucking fancy and clever. There's a reason you're working the AP sports beat. It's because you're not good enough to get a better gig. If I want to hear a poetic and flowery take on the game, which I don't/won't, I'll tune in to "Around the Horn" tomorrow.

Oh, and "My Own Private Idaho" sucked.


Jarrett said...

Equally as horrible, of not worse:

When the stakes were highest, Kim English was perfect at the line.

Lazar Hayward stepped over it.

These might have seemed like two different actions to you. But to one gifted AP writer, it's his once last chance at salvation from the doldrums of being stuck in BOISE FUCKING IDAHO FOR THE REST OF HIS GODDAMNED LIFE.

Facebones said...

So for four unbelievable minutes, Kim English turned the basketball court into a movie about gay prostitutes? I missed that on Sportscenter.