Monday, July 23, 2012

Attention: baseball commentators of America

I have heard several of you talk about Mike Trout during the past month.  In aggregate, about 20% of your talk time has been spent praising Trout's baseball ability while 80% of it has been spent talking about what a wonderful person he is.  He is humble.  His teammates love him.  He is mature beyond his years.  Did you mention he was humble?  Yes, yes you did, 250 fucking times already.  Here's something you need to hear: I don't give a flying fuck about what kind of person he is (as long as he's not a shameless dickhead like Ty Cobb or Barry Bonds or Joe West).  I know that many of you are stuffy boring white men in your 40s or 50s, who are appalled at all the brashness today's youngpeople exude.  What with their affinity for hippity hop music and the Twitter, it's a wonder the whole country hasn't literally gone to literal hell in a literal handbasket yet.  And I know that Trout has a twinkle in his eye as he tells you that the most important thing to him is winning rather than his own statistics.  Just fucking stuff a cork in it and tell me about what makes him a great player.  Tell me about his approach at the plate, or how he generates backspin, or the quality of the routes he takes to the ball when he's playing defense.  I'm begging yoU.  No more GEE GOLLY WHAT A NICE YOUNG MAN I'D LET HIM DATE MY DAUGHTER.  I'm about to kick the shit out of my TV.

Real post re Simmons coming later this week.  Like I said last week, I'm really lurching through summer here, what with all the time I'm spending outside and shit.  Teh blogzz will be more active come September.  Promise.

1 comment:

Adam said...

I'm guessing you are refering to Francona on Sunday Night Baseball?

I think he said he wanted to adopt Mike Trout.

Then proceeded to say how grindy he was becuase that triple was not a triple it was "just outrunning the throw". So... a triple then.