Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Last post in FireJay history?

Experts say: MAYBE.  Not that I would ever actually follow through on my promise to shut down the blog if the Celtics make the NBA Finals.  That was a lie the second I wrote it, and I'd like to extend a great big fuck you to the rest of the Eastern Conference for allowing that outcome to happen.  WAIT IS THAT A JINX I DON'T KNOW GO HEAT WOOOOOOOOO.  Just saying, could be the last post in the blog's history because you never know when the sun is going to supernova or when an idiot 19 year old manning a radar station in North Dakota mistakes a flock of birds for a bunch of nukes and the whole planet gets blown to smithereens.

Anyways, this is really more of a quick check in than a full post, so I'll start by saying that I'm really enjoying ESPN's cross promotion of Prometheus.  I will never get sick of Stephen A. Smith (who is back on the Four Letter in several roles after several years away because ... ... ... ???????) asking me to check out the Prometheus trailer.  Never.  I hope they are still running that promo well after the movie is out of theaters.

A few more highlights from the now two week old Simmons column I've been picking at:

The Staples staff hustled everyone out, turned the arena over, burned some sage to get rid of Donald Sterling's aura, 

Sterling is one of the few subjects who can actually draw decent jokes out of Bill.  Here's to him continuing his racist, maniacal ways.  ("Him" being Sterling, not Bill.)

then reopened the doors for Game 4 of the Lakers-OKC series. I skipped this one because of an event for my son's preschool, because I couldn't stomach being around Laker fans for a second straight night, and because I couldn't afford to get divorced. 


That's why Saturday was encouraging. Westbrook played an absolutely breathtaking game, but when the time came for Oklahoma City to plunge that final dagger into the Lakers' season (and, quite possibly, the entire Kobe era),

Alex, I'll take "Wishful Thinking From a Complete Idiot" for $800.  And "Played Out Jeopardy! References" for A JILLION DOLLARS

The morning started off with an off-putting vibe because of the aformentioned bike race, which spawned a Carmageddon-like panic because it shut down so many of the morning's traffic routes. Kings fans were urged to show up three hours early and to even — gulp — take the subway to be safe. Personally, I would rather drive my car through the bike race and pancake some of the cyclists than take the L.A. subway. Fortunately, my special L.A. Live parking pass enabled my daughter and me to circumvent the traffic, park, grab brunch AND watch the first wave of cyclists fly by toward the finish line.

I've been obliterating this point beyond recognizance lately, but again... this is a guy who has a lot of followers who tell you they love him because he's some kind of representative of the everyday fan.

This ended up being one of my favorite father-daughter moments in a while.


Everyone thought the Kings would roll over Phoenix like they did the previous three games, so when things started shifting the other way — a sketchy call against the Kings, a Coyotes power play goal, Smith out-playing Quick — the crowd panicked and eventually checked out altogether. You couldn't blame them; they were bitterly disappointed. As the third period limped along with the Kings trailing by two, my daughter vainly tried to get a few "Let's Go Kings" chants going, then turned around and yelled in frustration, "What's the matter with everybody?" At that point, I knew we'd be driving home with her in tears and me repeatedly explaining to her that the Kings had three more chances to make the finals (which is exactly how it played out). Little kid sports fans are the best. 

/Larry B throws coffee table out apartment window

I almost feel like a blasphemer saying this, but has anyone else noticed how frequently Magary has been writing about his WILD ADVENTURES IN FATHERDOM on Deadspin lately?  It's been bothering the fuck out of me, I won't like.  Come on Drew.  Don't fall into the holy shit I used to be a wacky bachelor but now I have kids and they amaze me every day trap.

The Spurs never flinched, chopping the lead to 15 and eliciting the first of many panicked Clippers timeouts. Watching the Spurs and their bench reacting to that moment (totally locked in, totally expecting the Clippers to cave), you could just tell where the game was going. I even tweeted about it.

That's how you know how smart I am!

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