Friday, April 8, 2011

No hyperbole intended

but this might be the most breathtakingly stupid thing Bill Simmons has ever written. I'm serious, I really feel that way. I want to do a longer Simmons post about his whole NBA power rankings series that's out right now but it's been a rough week. So in anticipation of hopefully writing something over the weekend I give you this as an appetizer (re: Dwight Howard)

I can't give him my MVP vote for one simple reason: he leaves something on the table every night. Dwight Howard should be the league's most dominant player. Physically, there's nobody remotely like him. True story: I was watching SportsCenter the other night. My wife noticed Howard on TV and gasped, "Oh my God, who's that?" the same way you'd comment on the 12 year old in Little League who's six inches taller than everyone else and has the makings of a mustache already. When I told her it was Howard, she said, "Just looking at him, it seems like he should be the best player, right?" Exactly.

Wow. I just.... if you're like me, that leaves you speechless. That's indescribably horrendous. Hats of to you, Bill. Even though you only write four columns a year you still manage to bring the tardfuckery. In bulk.

More to come (I hope).


Anonymous said...

That's not even the worst thing he's claimed this week. His "a woman could play reasonably well in the NBA" takes the cake.

Ellroy said...

Also, it seems pretty clear that his wife wants to fuck Dwight Howard.

CHart said...

I think we can all agree Larry is just jealous of Simmons.

Chris W said...

Yeah who wouldn't want to be fat, lame and unfunny, and married with a child?

No one, that's who wouldn't!

Adam said...

I like the part where Bill says if LeBron could redo "The Decision" he would pick the Clippers.