Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A New Low for "Irony"

To fucktarded members of the sports media, lots of things are ironic. Things that are coincidences are ironic. "Ironically, he played a really great game just one night after playing a really awful game!" Things that are interesting are ironic. "Ironically, this will be the first time he's played against his former team since they traded him to his new team for a bag of magic beans!" But tonight, as I listened to the Yankees/Red Sox game on WCBS radio while driving cross country via rental car (hey, YOU try finding something else to listen to on AM/FM radio in the middle of East Bumfuck County, Pennsylvania), I heard Yankees broadcaster John Sterling take "irony" to a whole new level.

Side note: hey Chris W, isn't the Yankees/Red Sox rivalry so rich and full of history?

Other side note: Sterling's broadcast partner is still Suzyn Waldman. I thought they fired her for crying on the air during a postgame show. OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS. OF ALL... OF ALL THE DRAMATIC NON-FIRINGS I'VE EVER SEEN.

Anyways, here's what happened during the game: bottom of the ninth. Yankees down a run. Guys on 1st and 3rd, one out. Batter hits a weak grounder back to the pitcher, whose only play is to first. Now there are guys on 2nd and 3rd with two outs. John, your analysis?

And the irony of the situation is that a single will now win the game.


The basic reality/facts of any given situation, as well as any cause/effect relationships you can identify in one, are now ironic. I was hungry this morning, so ironically, I ate breakfast. It was ironic that because Barack Obama won the Democratic primary race in 2008, he became the Democratic nominee for president. Ironically, getting into field goal range when you're down two with 0:01 left on the clock in the 4th quarter gives you a chance to win a game. (A FOOTBALL game on a FOOTBALL field, to be specific.) Thanks John.

Is there anything left that's not "ironic?"

[Note: I'm almost willing to imagine a scenario in which John was trying to indicate that before the productive out, a single would have only tied the game, but after, even though an out is a "bad" play, a single will now win the game. So in that sense the bad play had a good outcome. Which wouldn't really be ironic, in the context of baseball, but would be in the vague neighborhood of irony. Almost. I think it's about a billion times likelier, however, that he was just throwing the word around for the fuck of it. I dunno. If you want to defend him, go for it. I have my theory and I'm sticking to it.]


John Foley said...

Why would you listen to those two idiots? They are two of the worst broadcasters in business.

Biggus Rickus said...

I blame Alannis Morrisette. Boom! '90s joke! Throw in something about Monica Lewinsky and dot com startups and I'd have Jay Leno's opening monologue from July 7, 1998.

Tim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tim said...

I live in New York(met fan) I have many friends who are yankee fans so inevitably I end up listening to yankee broadcasts in the car. Shitting on either of these two is like beating a dead horse, they are just the absolute suck. There are periods of like 15-30 seconds of dead air where literally NOTHING is said like 15-20 times a game. Amazing they havent been fired just for that alone.

Tonus said...

Is John Sterling the gasbag who says irritating shit like "an A-Bomb, from A-Rod!!!"?

Because if you're listening to that retard call a game, you can be sure that before long he'll say something so stupid that you'll want to rant about it on a blog.

John Foley said...

Sterling used to be decent like 15 years ago. He was enthusiastic, had energy, and wasn't too over-the-top. Ever since the Yanks started winning he's become an embarrassing caricature. Every pitch call is super bombastic and melodramatic. Every player gets their own signature homerun call. Every foul ball gets a really long, slow description of where it's landing. It's really a solid D- from a broadcasting standpoint. Mind you, Sterling was never GREAT, but he didn't used to be awful.
Suzyn Waldman, on the other hand, has always been terrible.

Chris W said...

You know how this would be ironic? The thing he said? Okay, so let's imagine it's the bottom of the ninth of a tie game with a runner on first, and thus the team on defense is playing singles no doubles--i.e. guarding the lines in the infield and playing deep in the outfield.

Obviously a team would be playing singles no doubles for the specific reason that a single WILL NOT WIN THE GAME and that a double will.

That said a ball is scorched into the left center gap. The runner on first gets a good break off the ball but absolutely EATS it on the way to third. Just comes up sucking sand. There's no way he's making it to third, let alone home, but the centerfielder, playing deep, easily cuts it off before the batter can even make it to first. Not thinking, the centerfielder--only in this position because he is in singles-no-doubles mode--rushes a throw to third, remembering the cardinal rule of baseball is "never throw behind the runner" (remember, the runner has tripped mightily between first and second.

HOWEVER, the throw sails the third baseman and becomes lodged in the tarp. As the third baseman is going to retrieve the ball he trips, falls, and breaks his acl bone. (you heard me). While he is writhing in pain Joe Theisman-like, the runner from first dusts himself off and trots in for the score.

NOW, had they been playing regularly, the defense that is, there's no way the run would have scored. The hit would have easily gone for a double, but the epic fail by the runner on first midway between first and second would have prevented him from scoring. However, the hit being a double, the centerfielder would not have reached the ball until the runner had collected himself to make it to third.

HOWEVER trying to prevent a double, the defense gave up what can only be scored a single with a two base E9.

IRONICALLY, the single scored the winning run and a double would not have. The ironing is delicious.

Larry B said...

It would have been a single with an E8. Other than that, I think you've identified some ironies.

Chris W said...

Ironically, I made a typo :blush:

Anonymous said...

I fucking hate how people use "begs the question." It doesn't mean "asks the question" fucktards.