Tuesday, June 11, 2013

So in my last post


I called it "the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard" when Steve Wulf rhetorically asked if anyone else had rhetorically asked if the Yankees should disregard their 2000 and 2009 championships because Clemens and A-Rod played on those teams.  Well, Bill Simmons is not a man to let anyone else hold the title of "having said the stupidest fucking thing Larry B has ever heard" for long.  From a column published today about Duncan and the Spurs (which, by the way, is only the 50,000th "THE SPURS WERE NOT AND ARE NOT APPRECIATED FULLY" column written by anyone in the last 15 years, making it pretty clear that they are well appreciated):

The San Antonio Spurs picked Tim Duncan on June 25, 1997, about seven weeks before Matt Stone and Trey Parker launched their new animated series on Comedy Central. Sixteen years later, the Spurs and South Park are still chugging along like kindred spirits; in a goofy twist, Duncan's only fun nickname ("Timmaaaaaaaay") comes from that show. Both the Spurs and South Park generated so many classic moments over the years, they practically blend into each other now. They were lavished with critical acclaim while being overshadowed by more popular network shows (the Lakers and The Simpsons, respectively). Parker and Stone should have burned out years ago; Duncan should be washed up by now. Nope and nope. Every time they seemed ready to lose their relevance, they rallied back. You know, like right now.

And there you go.  THAT is now the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard.  Congratulations, Steve Wulf.  You're off the hook for now.

Both the Spurs and South Park generated so many classic moments over the years, they practically blend into each other now.

Both the Spurs and South Park generated so many classic moments over the years, they practically blend into each other now.

Both the Spurs and South Park generated so many classic moments over the years, they practically blend into each other now.

Remember, everyone: sports are not actually sports.  Sports are pop culture are sports.  

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Bill Simmons put up the ol' FJM bat signal with that one for sure. In other news, Tebow joined the Patriots. Tebow joining the Patriots is to Bill
Simmons what 9/11 was to the military-industrial complex.

Anonymous said...

I thought this was monumentally stupid as well, but in Simmons' defense I think what he was trying to say was that the south park moments from different seasons blend into each other and the spurs moments from different seasons blend into each other. still, stupid. stupid stupid.

tony harding said...

Did you see the part where he contradicts his own Ewing theory? Twice? You know, the theory that he has spent the last 12 years and probably 20,000 words inventing and tweaking and trying to pass off as real.

Although it was funny to watch him link to all of his terrible predictions over the past decade about the NBA. You know, since the "Sports Guy" knows jack shit about sports...

Anonymous said...

I fucking saw it -- I'm the guy who posted this a few months ago:


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Anonymous said...
The "Ewing Theory" is the craziest idea or concept that Simmons has ever come up with / ran with. It is a figment of his imagination. Ewing won a national championship at Georgetown and is one of the 50 best players in NBA history. Had it not been for MJ, he'd probably have won a title or two (certainly, this can be said for quite a few all-time greats), and the best players he ever played with are John Starks and Charles Oakley. All that aside, the actual theory that the Knicks somehow played better without him is utter nonsense and (as SG explains) comes from the '99 season when he went down in the Eastern Conference Finals. He got hurt in game 2 against the Pacers and the Knicks managed to win 3 of the next 4 and make it to the finals . . . where they were routed, 4 games to 1. To make this perfectly clear, one of (THE?) SG's biggest and most famous ideas (that his moronic friend "Dave" came up with) is based on the Knicks, losing Patrick Ewing, their franchise center and, somehow, willing themselves to go 4-5 in their next 9 games against the Pacers and Spurs. Ladies and gentlemen, The Ewing Theory!

February 19, 2013 at 6:11 AM


SG is the fucking worst

Larry B said...

Yes, he is the fucking worst, and you guys are all the fucking best. Unless some of you are women, in which case you women are the best, and also, this is the most interaction I've had with one of you in months, so thanks for stopping by.

SOB in TO said...

I take it that someone already owns "firebillsimmons.com" site names?

Tim N said...

Real writer: "I've got this incredibly tenuous connection between two items, how can I make a column out of it?"
Hours/days/weeks of research later: "Nothing, they can't be linked. Oh well, next idea."

BS' brain: "hot dogs, brady, south park, white flight, spurs, kobe..."

BS: "guess i'll go with spurs and south park"

SOB in TO said...

Can't wait for you to see the lead picture on ESPN right now and have your head explode:

"The first five games were fascinating, but we'll always remember what happens next. Bill Simmons »"