Sunday, May 5, 2013

WE AHHHHH SPECIAL!

Big ups to dan-bob for putting up a post last week while I was indisposed.  I'll be back at it this week with a few posts, but tonight all I have is a quick throwaway from part one to Simmons's NBA trade value column (he still hasn't written part 3 yet--I guess it's not like sportswriting is his job or anything), regarding the Boston bombing.  To be clear, the bombing was a horrible tragedy and it makes me very angry.  I do not wish harm or suffering on anyone, except the kind of suffering that happens when a city's teams play shitty and make their fans sad.  So I really feel for Boston, and especially those directly affected by the bombing.  All that said: here's some ridiculous bullshit Bill wrote about it that I cannot let slide.


You can't break Boston. People have been trying for 350 years. 

Who?  Who are these HATERZ who have been trying to break Boston for 350 years?  Sure, people like King George and Hitler and bin Laden have been trying to break the whole United States.  But Boston specifically?  I hate to have to roll this out here, but I'm going to: Boston is not fucking special.  The Tsarnaev brothers were not like WE WILL ATTACK BOSTON BECAUSE OF WHAT BOSTON STANDS FOR, WHICH IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT THAN WHAT ANY OTHER CITY STANDS FOR.  They were probably more like WE WILL ATTACK BOSTON BECAUSE WE LIVE HERE AND IT'S CONVENIENT.  I am happy that the tragedy was not worse, I am happy the perpetrators are now dead/in custody, and I hope Boston rebuilds itself and feels better (just like what I would hope for any city anywhere in the world that suffered through a terrorist attack).  Fuck it, I will even sing Sweet Caroline at the ballpark (just like I would participate in any mass showing of support for any city that suffered a terrorist attack).  But can we please stop pretending that Boston is dealing with this any differently than any fucking city in the country would?  Please.  WE AHHHHHH DIFFERENT!  WE AHHHHH SPECIAL!  I absolutely support you, Boston, but no.  No you are not.

It's not happening. We will mourn the fallen, raise money for the victims and come back more defiant than ever. 

Yes, like the people of any city in the fucking country would do. 

For anyone who thinks the marathon has been ruined or irrevocably altered — 

Which is no one with a brain, because it's perfectly obvious that next year's marathon will be a huge event with massive participation and lots of moments of remembrance and all that good stuff.

you're wrong. 

HATERZ!

Too many people will do whatever it takes to rebuild that race, improve it, protect it, make it better than it was. 

Like the people of any city in the fucking country would do.

I bet more people run next year's race than ever before. 

Sure, agree.

It's our own little holiday, the most sacred of days. 

IT IS HAWLTAH TAWP DAY!  ONLY IN BEANTOWN DO MEN NOTICE THAT WOMEN START WEARING LESS CLOTHING WHEN THE WEATHER GETS WARM!

So when someone tries to blow that day up in the most evil way possible, you pull yourself back together, try to process the senselessness, slowly feel yourself getting pissed off, and then sing the national anthem at the top of your lungs and send a message to everyone else. 

Consider the message sent: just like every single other city in the goddamn country, Boston is not going to empty out and turn into a ghost town after a tragedy.  People will continue to live there and not much will change about their lives.  Quick, get them all medals and trophies for their amazing display of... whatever it is Bill thinks they're displaying.  

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ugh. He sharted even worse in his 30 questions column. Apparently nothing says more about the strength of your stupid fucking city than losing a playoff series in 5 games rather than 4.

Blase Bill said...

I totally agree that Anytown, USA would have the identical response. Simmons shows no insight in this section and it reads more like he wrote it because he felt it would be expected of him to comment. I sense no emotion or real feeling in the writing. The guy is big, big, big, fuck him.

Tim N said...

Jesus, it took me three tries to figure out "HAWLTAH TAWP".

Classic.

Adam said...

Yeah I remember when Bill wrote that column about how Boston was special because of the first warm day all the boobs would come out.

Just like every other city with a winter...

Anonymous said...

As someone who has a lot of Bostonian friends there were also a lot of these on social media. People posting things like "They messed with the wrong city!" As if this happened in St. Louis all the people of St. Louis (St. Louieans? St. Loutians?) would just give up and surrender St. Louis and never be happy again.