Friday, July 15, 2011

WRONG. (Have we used that title before?)

There is out of touch, then there's really out of touch, then there's plain batshit lunatic your-opinion-is-so-wrong-I-can't-quite-express-it out of touch. Look, I am as annoyed at the NFL as anyone, and I like soccer a lot, but.... no. No, no, no, and again, no. Shut your mouth, guy.

I'm not trying to take anything from American football. It was a great game once,

It's by far the most popular game in the US right now, regardless of subjective notions of great gameness or no longer great gameness.

before rule changes and technology turned it into an excuse to destroy amazing athletes for money.

Pretty much every rule change instituted in the last five years is aimed at reducing players' chances of getting hurt. As for technology- yeah, those damn helmets are the worst at keeping players safe, aren't they?

And still, I enjoy watching the Chicago Bears But it's a guilty pleasure, like watching prizefighting.

YEEEEEEEAH. Fire up the hyperbole machine.

And only the willfully evil

This means you, Roger Goodell. You dickhole.

or the willfully stupid


can afford to pretend that premeditated violence to the skull doesn't come with a cost.

It does. Concussion safety and long term brain damage are obviously massive issues (as they should be). I don't think anyone is "pretending" they aren't. Unless you think enjoying the game in spite of those dangers counts as "pretending," in which case you are an idiot.

So if the NFL goes on strike,

It's not on strike, it's an ownership lockout, and it's been happening for four months now.

it might bother some of us,

It will absolutely bother the shit out the vast majority of American sports fans.

but it wouldn't be all that bad.

To many, it would be the end of life as we know it.

We'd have more time to spend with our families.

God, gag me with a fucking pogo stick. This is so tragically Reilly-esque. HEY EVERYONE, YOU KNOW, SPORTS AREN'T REALLY ALL THAT IMPORTANT. Let's try to keep that in mind and live our lives a little bit better and fuller and- OH LOOK, A CHANCE TO GRANDSTAND ABOUT A SPORT THAT I LIKE THAT ISN'T MAINSTREAM!

We'd have more time to enjoy soccer.

Grandstanding complete. Just substitute "golf" for "soccer" and you've got yourself one of Rick's masterpieces.

And Fox and ESPN, which have increased their soccer broadcasting, will be ready.

And the millions of Americans who hate soccer and live and breath for the NFL will not be watching.

It seems that the beautiful game is ascendant everywhere in America except perhaps in the minds of some American sports journalists.

If "ascendant" in this context means "getting more popular," sure. If it means "on the verge of becoming as popular as the NFL," trrrrrrry again. Look, again, I like soccer. I wish it was more popular. But you can't just be righteously indignant about the dangers of football, talk about how soccer is more popular than it was ten years ago, and think you've made a cogent argument that no one should or will care if the NFL misses time this fall because everyone's ready to embrace soccer.


jacktotherack said...

You left out this gem...

"That's because American football — with the labor lockouts and the carnage and the helmets and those performance-enhancing drugs and that barbarian linebacker from Pittsburgh — is slowly dying."

Slowly dying huh? What fucking evidence is there of this? Do journalists even care if there is a shred of evidence to back up the main point of their article?

The players and owners are arguing BILLIONS of $$$$ in revenue. NFL TV deals dwarf all other sports. It is the mother-fucking Death Star of all American sports leagues. Other than Kass' on righteous indignity, what evidence does he have that the league is dying??????

Chris W said...


Remember every year in the history of American history when we were told "this is going to be the year soccer starts to breakthrough"?

I mean, shit...this isn't even the first time a women's World Cup team has had a shot at the title. And, with apologies to Hope Solo, I think, objectively speaking the last team had more of an "it" factor than this one (insofar as most people know the names of at least 2 members of that team long after the fact, and I don't think the average soccer fan knows more than one player on this current team currently). And yet, here we are...what? Like 10 years later and we're still talking about how "maybe NOW it can break through"

Chris W said...

To clarify:

It's clear that soccer is making great strides in the American Pop Conscience--and I think that's a great thing. I just think it's utterly silly the overreaction people get to the excitement an every-four-years competition can bring.

There's no doubt that the men making the quarterfinals in the World Cup helped increase soccer's "Q" rating. It just didn't "mean soccer has arrived." There's no doubt that the women winning the World Cup helped increase soccer's "Q" rating. It just didn't mean that soccer arrived.

The World Cup brings exposure and new fans, it's just silly to see journalists confusing this sort of passion during a rare event for something sustainable. Soccer is making strides, and that's a great thing, but it doesn't mean that the women appearing in the final on Sunday is going to mean anything more than that a bunch of people are going to be really excited on Sunday, many of them are going to be excited to watch the next WC 4 years from now, and that a handful of them might become lifelong soccer fans and develop an interest in following club soccer and the more minor international soccer events from now on.

I mean, shit. It's the same story every few years, and yet, journalists still can't seem to get it fucking straight.

Biggus Rickus said...

I'd rather watch golf than soccer. Does that mean I have to like Rick Reilly? Because I really don't want to.

Adam said...

Yes we should watch soccer because concussions and injuries don't happen there:

•Concussion rates are increasing in high school sports. The current rates per 100,000 player games or practices (athletic exposures) are as follows:1
◦60 for football
◦35 for girls’ soccer
◦30 for boys' lacrosse
◦20 for girls' lacrosse
◦17 for boys’ soccer
◦17 for wrestling
◦16 for girls’ basketball
◦11 for softball
◦10 for boys' basketball
◦10 for field hockey
◦5 for boys' and girls' volleyball
◦6 for baseball

Alex said...

You had me at "I like soccer..."

Anyone who believes concussions don't happen in soccer never played it.

It happens enough to warrant this sort of stuff: