This Week in Terrible Headline Puns
Really? Was "Doubting Thomas" not clever enough for CBS Sports? Or am I missing some deviously clever punneration?
Saturday, November 6, 2010
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A blog dedicated to venting frustration about dumb members of the sports media via angry commentary. No, we're not the first guys to do this kind of thing. Still, Jay Mariotti and several other prominent members of the national sports media need to lose their jobs. We want to facilitate that process any way we can. Feel free to direct any pressing questions or comments to any or all of us at firejaymariotti@gmail.com.
FireJay's Greatest Hits
- - Why was Moneyball Written? Among Other Reasons, THIS (by Larry B)
- - Who Are These Guys Again? The Colorado Mountains? Is That a Real Team? (by PNoles)
- - It Isn't Broke, But They're Fixing It for the Money (by Dan-Bob)
- - The Meaning of the Term "Meta" (by Chris W)
- - Fat Turds I Hate Not Named Jay Mariotti (by Jarrett)
- - Jemele Hill Flat Out Sucks at Writing (by Jack M)
Other Angry Diatribes
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2010
(124)
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November
(16)
- Actual Proof That Boise State Doesn't Belong as a ...
- Boise State Loses! But They're Still Awesome!!!
- FMTMQR: The more things change, the more they stay...
- This Bothers Me Immensely
- Jemele Hill Plays the Race Card, Logical Disjuncti...
- Phil Rogers is the Worst Baseball Writer in America
- It isn't broke, but they're fixing it for the mone...
- Snap Cognitive Dissonance With Don Banks
- Hey, You Know, It's OK, Not Like They Need the Mon...
- WMTMQR: From a TMQ Column That's Hot Off the Presses
- GAH. Please Don't Do That
- Spot the Straw Man
- Woo-fucking-hoo!
- This Week in Terrible Headline Puns
- Sometimes rhetoric is just lying
- TNTMQR: Oh God Now I'm More Than a Week Behind
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▼
November
(16)
Topics of Discussion
- bill simmons (185)
- WRONG (106)
- gregg easterbrook (86)
- i hate boston's sports teams (73)
- terrible analysis (73)
- articles that didn't need to be written (72)
- jay mariotti (72)
- crap about the yankees (50)
- statistical ignorance (47)
- Barroids (45)
- just let me out of the ESPNiverse already (45)
- unfunny jokes (43)
- terrible announcing (41)
- nba playoffs (40)
- i will now go set bill simmons on fire (39)
- screw you espn (39)
- anecdotal bullshit (37)
- general laziness on the part of FireJay bloggers (36)
- college football (35)
- hall of fame (33)
- people who dont understand how sports teams operate (32)
- rick reilly (31)
- hoping some dude gets fired for being an asshole. (28)
- puff pieces (28)
- chicago cubs (26)
- mike celizic (26)
- why does this guy have a job? (25)
- booooooring (24)
- complete and total idiocy on every level (24)
- something that doesn't suck (24)
- tmqr (24)
- white sox (24)
- dumb (23)
- dumb ideas (23)
- jeff pearlman (23)
- lunchpail alert (23)
- making no sense (23)
- playing the game the way it was meant to be played (23)
- Jemele Hill is a stupid bint (22)
- joe morgan (22)
- blogosphere (21)
- gene wojciechowski (21)
- hate hate hate hate hate (21)
- jon heyman (20)
- mailbag columns (20)
- hockey (19)
- managers don't do that much (19)
- pardon the idiocy (19)
- racism (19)
- reader participation friday (19)
- stupid shit...which I hate (19)
- you get paid for this? (19)
- All-Star Game (18)
- articles about the NATIONAL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL LEAGUE (18)
- die in a fire (18)
- fuck you (18)
- hyperbolic crap (18)
- post (18)
- posts that are too long (18)
- Derek Jeter (17)
- crying over spilled milk (17)
- david eckstein (17)
- peter king (17)
- Moral Indignation (16)
- unnecessary literary allusions (16)
- writers that dont understand baseball (16)
- zzzzzzzzzzzz (16)
- .really fucking pisses me off (15)
- a thousand times WRONG (15)
- articles about the NATIONAL BASKETBALL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION (15)
- baseball tonight (15)
- god I hate baseball writers more than anything in the world (15)
- irony (15)
- repeating oneself (15)
- small people (15)
- stuff that makes me laugh (15)
- what? (15)
- writers who are not as smart as they think they are (15)
- writing that contradicts itself (15)
- Scott Miller (14)
- bad predictions (14)
- hypocrisy (14)
- i guess we need a brett favre label now (14)
- mind bogglingly stupid articles (14)
- ozzie guillen (14)
- posts that end with an angry and critical one liner (14)
- steroids (14)
- Mariotti is a tabloid journalist (13)
- general laziness on the part of actual writers (13)
- hey look at me and how awesome i am (13)
- jayson stark (13)
- jerry crasnick (13)
- jonah keri (13)
- mindless idiocy (13)
- alex rodriguez (12)
- bad journalism (12)
- espn 8 the ocho (12)
- grit (12)
- meaningless nfl bullshit (12)
- more hyperbole than you can shake a stick at (12)
- nba draft (12)
- possessing the properties of the insane (12)
- $%*# the heck? (11)
- Notre Dame (11)
- basketball (11)
- failure to understand basic things about sports (11)
- failure to understand how things work (11)
- i hate boston's sports teams so to speak (11)
- july 2nd 2006 (11)
- kiss my ass hall of fame voters (11)
- terrible similes and metaphors (11)
- the patriots had their chance and they blew it (11)
- Bud Selig (10)
- Deadspin (10)
- Good Old Fashioned Cockfights (10)
- Suck-Suck-A-Cawkkkkkkk TMQ (10)
- bad puns (10)
- bizarre societal ramblings not by cw (10)
- dayn perry (10)
- fire jay mariotti (10)
- gambling (10)
- i hate chuck klosterman almost as much as i hate bill simmons (10)
- john kruk (10)
- lazy posts (10)
- olympics (10)
- rick reilly gives me the douchechills (10)
- shut up (10)
- Skip Bayless (9)
- barf (9)
- bizarre skits written by pnoles (9)
- clogging up the basepaths (9)
- dumb fans (9)
- dumb lists (9)
- espn.com news services (9)
- gregg doyel (9)
- hype hype hype hype hype (9)
- i hear jeter has a lot of hits (9)
- lebron james (9)
- lou piniella (9)
- mlb on fox (9)
- nfl on fox (9)
- sentimental garbage (9)
- typical FireJayMariotti Jeff Pearlman-Bashing (9)
- way to get rid of tim mccarver (9)
- why the fuck did this need to be written? A: it did not (also: we are devo) (9)
- Captain Obvious and so on (8)
- Garlic Bread (8)
- angels (8)
- cleanup on aisle common sense (8)
- dont expect stats like this every post (8)
- east coast bias (8)
- ed hardiman (8)
- hockey i think (8)
- is it baseball season yet? (8)
- nfl action action action (8)
- overratedness (8)
- terrible similies and metaphors (8)
- yankees (8)
- Blue Jays (7)
- articles that were so dumb that I had to take 30 minutes out of my life to post about them even though I didn't really feel like it (7)
- bizarre societal ramblings by cw (7)
- dodgers (7)
- drama (7)
- five labels seen together too often (7)
- just a regular old post on a regular old day (7)
- michael ventre (7)
- mvp award (7)
- pirates (7)
- ridiculous references (7)
- the ironing is delicious (7)
- the use of statistics in baseball (7)
- things that induce vomit (7)
- this is retarded- not literally retarded but still pretty retarded (7)
- twitter (7)
- ugly people (7)
- A-Rod (6)
- Cincinnati Reds (6)
- Dr. Z (6)
- FireJay comments are always eloquent and well thought out (6)
- Pat Forde (6)
- Torii Hunter (6)
- True Yankees (6)
- awful awful plays on words (6)
- barbaro (6)
- bcs nonsense (6)
- blatant homerism (6)
- blog on blog action action action (6)
- fat baseball players (6)
- fat people (6)
- fat shits (6)
- god I hate brett favre and ESPN's treatment of him more than anything in the world (6)
- god don't you just HATE that AROD?????? (6)
- i hate both the spurs and lakers (6)
- i said i fucking hate boston's sports teams (6)
- michael wilbon (6)
- minnesota twins (6)
- nfl draft (6)
- not understanding facts about the world (6)
- phillies (6)
- posts that i wrote about four days too late (6)
- punchlines that write themselves (6)
- really enjoying the idiots who talk about baseball on xm (6)
- ridiculous bullshit (6)
- scoop jackson (6)
- shut up shut up shut up SHUT THE FUCK UP IMMEDIATELY (6)
- so ironic it isn't; so unironic it is (6)
- terry frei (6)
- the fucking NFL and how I fucking hate it (6)
- this man blows goats (6)
- tigers (6)
- tony konheiser is an obnoxious old coot (6)
- white people (6)
- writers who sadly resemble peter king (6)
- alright let's see you put on a glove and turn a double play mister stat nerd (5)
- bad writing (5)
- beijing olympics (5)
- can't wait for the heat to finish off the celtics so simmons can throw a nice pity party for himself (5)
- contrary to popular belief football is a team game (5)
- effeminate baseball players (5)
- funny stuff (5)
- go away and stop bothering people (5)
- golf (5)
- guys who shouldn't be on tv (5)
- hall of VERY GOOD lol (5)
- hawk harrelson (5)
- hey tiki barber enjoy not playing in the super bowl next weekend (5)
- i promise i will have a real post up sometime tomorrow night (5)
- liveblogging is for complete zeroes like me (5)
- manny ramirez (5)
- mets (5)
- money and sports (5)
- murray chass (5)
- odes to ignorance (5)
- please stop trying to be funny (5)
- remember the B stands for Basketball (5)
- richard justice (5)
- stop writing (5)
- stupid shit that should have been written but should have been written better (5)
- tampa bay rays (5)
- the iPad did not do anything for Grantland (5)
- the wrongest thing that has ever been said about baseball (5)
- this is outrageous (5)
- useless information (5)
- wallace matthews (5)
- what the fuck was the point of that? (5)
- woody paige (5)
- world series (5)
- $$$ cash legal tender (4)
- 3rd basemen (4)
- Appreciating a Good Wine (4)
- FWAP (4)
- HOT STOVE SEASON IS HERE (4)
- I hate David Stern (4)
- I hope my understanding of libel laws does not let me down (4)
- Richard Griffin (4)
- Rick Morrissey (4)
- Simmons (4)
- advocating losing sports games (4)
- alfonso soriano (4)
- and thats the story of how this worthless blog began (4)
- another ravens related post (4)
- are you sure this happened? (4)
- articles that credit people who allegedly don't get enough credit (4)
- articles that dont contain what their author says they will (4)
- bandied about (4)
- bitchfests (4)
- cacophonies of chemistry (4)
- chatting with dipshits (4)
- chris berman (4)
- cliches (4)
- daryl reaugh (4)
- deadspin is terrible (4)
- dennis dodd (4)
- dirty work (4)
- dodgers fans (4)
- don banks (4)
- dusty baker (4)
- election 2008 YOU decide (4)
- evidently donovan mcnabb is not as good as tony romo or john kitna (4)
- forrrrr theeeee lakers (4)
- fuck you lebron- i don't care (4)
- get fired (4)
- god I hate the NFL draft more than anything else in the world. (4)
- human interest stories blow (4)
- i understand that bad sportswriting does not take a vacation just because i do (4)
- idiotic sports superstitions (4)
- it is probably unfair to generalize that all cubs fans are boorish drunkards but i don't care (4)
- jemele hill'ing (4)
- jimmy rollins (4)
- joe buck (4)
- john donovan (4)
- ken griffey junior (4)
- kerry collins continues to suck despite what idiots like peter king say (4)
- kill yourself (4)
- larry bailey in three years (4)
- leading the league in mvpness (4)
- logic: friend or foe? (4)
- milton bradley (4)
- movie recommendations (4)
- murray chass professional blogger (4)
- naming players doesn't constitute analysis (4)
- next will be a picture of former QB Detmer with the headline "Ty Fidelity" (4)
- not doing any research (4)
- not racism but come on (4)
- paul daughtery (4)
- please please please let the celtics finish 9th in the East next season (4)
- pop culture (4)
- posts that end (4)
- posts that kind of end with an angry and critical one liner (4)
- something that sort of sucks (4)
- sour grapes (4)
- speaking of douche chills (4)
- speculative crap (4)
- the asshole leading the assholes (4)
- the bitter taste of irony (4)
- the chicago cubune (4)
- things jemele hill might say (4)
- tom brady (4)
- tragic oversimplificaiton (4)
- yes i know making fat jokes about john kruk isnt really breaking new ground (4)
- $2 sweater in a briar patch (3)
- Bernie Miklasz (3)
- David Ortiz sure is clutch (3)
- Griffbag (3)
- How long is an NFL season again? (3)
- I could do this all day (3)
- Joe Buck is worse than any of the other public figures mentioned in this blog (3)
- Joe Torre (3)
- Just shut up Will Leitch (3)
- Larry Dobrow (3)
- Phil Rogers (3)
- The Hockey News (3)
- Ty Willingham (3)
- Will Leitch (3)
- absolutely infuriating (3)
- albert pujols (3)
- america's scrodbasket (3)
- anti-puff pieces (3)
- awful blogger is awful lazy (3)
- being insane (3)
- bert blyleven (3)
- bill plaschke (3)
- bulls (3)
- cognitive dissonance (3)
- controversy (3)
- conventional wisdom (3)
- damien cox (3)
- dan-bob feels like starting shit (3)
- double standards (3)
- find the split infinitive in this post (3)
- follow ups that we only do when they make us look good (3)
- food (3)
- food metaphors (3)
- frank deford (3)
- free lunches get links (3)
- fuck MLB and fuck baseball fans and fuck everything (3)
- general failure (3)
- horse racing (3)
- howard bryant (3)
- i would rather have hepatitis than read more of his garbage (3)
- i would trade willy taveras for danny almonte right now straight up (3)
- if you are upset about sports it must mean you don't care about Haiti (3)
- joe posnanski (3)
- joechat (3)
- johan santana (3)
- jose canseco (3)
- karl ravech (3)
- ken rosenthal (3)
- larry b is a bitter old man (3)
- literally. (3)
- living in fantasyland (3)
- low hanging fruit (3)
- matt cassel (3)
- michael barrett (3)
- money well spent (3)
- movies (3)
- nascarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (3)
- no really I CAN'T FUCKING STAND boston's sports teams (3)
- old fuddyduddies (3)
- people who hit home runs are selfish assholes (3)
- please quit your job (3)
- poor attempts at humor (3)
- posts that are lacking humor (moreso than all the other posts which aren't very funny either) (3)
- predictions (3)
- pretension (3)
- profootballtalk is a wasteland (3)
- punditry (3)
- rockies (3)
- roger clemens (3)
- sammy sosa (3)
- semi-anonymous commentor will complain about this post (3)
- shortstops (3)
- so awkward (3)
- soccer (3)
- someone should beat jon heyman with a k-rod (3)
- speaking of front runners (3)
- statistics taken out of context (3)
- straw man arguments (3)
- stuff no one cares about anymore (3)
- tebowmania (3)
- tell me something i didnt already know (3)
- terrible blogging (3)
- tests/quizzes (3)
- the 2000 nba draft was awful (3)
- the banality of stupidity (3)
- the manning sisters (3)
- the media is not paid to know anything about the florida marlins (3)
- trent dilfer sniffs glue (3)
- very obscure theological references (3)
- whambulance (3)
- what? rob dibble has hotdogs for brains (3)
- why are scouts' names never mentioned in articles? (3)
- world CUP fever (3)
- wow....just...wow (3)
- writers who are factually wrong not just opinionally wrong (3)
- writing about your dead dog does not make your interesting or deep (3)
- writing malfunctions (3)
- yawn (3)
- you've got to be kidding me (3)
- "vertical integration machine" is the douchiest business lingo thing I have ever heard (2)
- 6 for 24 lol1111 (2)
- Andrew Perloff (2)
- Andruw Jones (2)
- Barry Petchesky (2)
- BronsonBall (2)
- Charlie Weis (2)
- College GameDay (2)
- FJM special presentation (2)
- Jemele Hill (2)
- Joe from Green Bay (2)
- John Clayton (2)
- John Heyman (2)
- Just shut up Jeff Pearlman please. If you hate sports so much quit writing about them (2)
- Ken Tremendous (2)
- Kerry J. Byrne (2)
- Kevin Hench (2)
- Michael Vick (2)
- Moral indigestion (2)
- RIVALRY OF THE DECADE AS IF THAT MEANS SOMETHING (2)
- Refuting Myths (2)
- Roger Baddell (2)
- Roger Goodell somehow makes me miss Paul Tagliabue (2)
- Scott Burnside (2)
- Sean Salisbury (2)
- Shit I forgot that I have a sports paper due tomorrow; Ok. I'm just going to set my alarm for 8 am; sleep off this buzz; bang it all out before 10 a.m. (2)
- Sports Fan Entitlement (2)
- Stan McNeal (2)
- The FJM Hall of Shame (2)
- Things People Have Already Written (2)
- Tom Verducci (2)
- WHO SAYS NO (2)
- What higher power do TV evangelists worship (2)
- a criminally one-sided story (2)
- a guy just as dumb as his former colleague Jay Mariotti (2)
- a ravens related post not by jack m (2)
- actual specificity mistaken for pseudo specificity (2)
- actually this post would have been more relevant two months ago when they started all that mock draft bullshit (2)
- ad hominem attacks are fun (2)
- all rise for the dishonorable judge clark (2)
- almost too bad to post about (2)
- an unfunny and unwitty label (2)
- aol fanhouse just increased their traffic as well as their level of douche (2)
- asemen (2)
- ashton kutcher-related bullshit (2)
- athletes past their prime attempting to keep a grasp on some form of celebrity (2)
- athletes say the darndest things (2)
- awful (2)
- bbwa can suck my fucking dick (2)
- being an ungrateful bastard (chris w edition) (2)
- billy beane (2)
- biting the hand that feeds us (2)
- bizarre biblical references not by cw (2)
- blah (2)
- boring (2)
- bowls (2)
- brewers (2)
- burritos (2)
- carol slezak (2)
- changing the laws that bind the universe (2)
- chanting "u-s-a" repeatedly (2)
- cleveland indians (2)
- cold hard football inaccuracies (2)
- colin cowherd (2)
- color guy (2)
- coming out of blogtirement (2)
- complete and total confusion of stereotypes (2)
- complete inability to understand the definition of words like affordable (2)
- conspiracy theories are for idiots (2)
- craig biggio (2)
- crocuses and rebirth (2)
- csi: miami (2)
- curt schilling (2)
- da bears (2)
- dan shaughnessy (2)
- dan uggla (2)
- danny knobler (2)
- darrin jackson (2)
- dempster? more like dumpster (2)
- dick jokes (2)
- did you hear they're closing yankee stadium (2)
- die in a fire brett favre specifically (2)
- dj gallo (2)
- does not understand the economics of the situation (2)
- dont ever give your phone number to peter king (2)
- dr. z is at it again (2)
- drivel (2)
- duh (2)
- fall (2)
- fjm templates (2)
- flip flop (2)
- fuckingwhoppingly interesting things (2)
- gene shalit (2)
- general outrage (2)
- god forbid chamberlain ever does something thats actually newsworthy then where will we be (2)
- greggjokes (2)
- hatred for favre non-news fading already (2)
- hindsight is 20/20 (2)
- hooray (2)
- how did that get past the editor? (2)
- hustle (2)
- hyperbolas and other conic sections (2)
- hypocrite warning (2)
- i am ashamed at myself (2)
- i hate the people who are in charge of sports (2)
- i now hate the steelers as much as the cowboys or patriots (2)
- i wish i knew steve carrel in real life (2)
- i'm on a lazy/shitty post roll am i not (2)
- i'm so sick of this kind of shit (2)
- ian o'connor (2)
- imaginary facts (2)
- injuries incurred whilst jumping on and off bandwagons (2)
- inordinate amounts of anecdotal bullshit (2)
- it's not 1996 anymore (2)
- ivan maisel (2)
- jeff francoeur (2)
- jeter month (2)
- jim caple (2)
- joba chamberlain (2)
- joe flacco (2)
- john grigg (2)
- jon miller (2)
- justin morneau (2)
- kevin you're such a disease you're what the french call "les incompetent" (2)
- living in the past (2)
- local yokels (2)
- march madness (2)
- mark teixeira (2)
- marlins (2)
- meaningless information (2)
- michael schur (2)
- mlb network (2)
- natural disasters (2)
- nfl lockout (2)
- nick swisher (2)
- npr (2)
- page 2 needs better editors (2)
- parity (2)
- penn state (2)
- pnoles where u at where u at where u at (2)
- posts containing the word "malarkey" (2)
- posts that end with a rhetorical question (2)
- posts written while drinking beer and watching jersey shore (2)
- pro bowl (2)
- race baiting (2)
- ranty rant rant (2)
- ray lewis (2)
- ray rotto (2)
- reason: use it (2)
- rednecks (2)
- responsible journalism (2)
- rick sutcliffe (2)
- roman modrowski (2)
- royals (2)
- ryan braun (2)
- ryan howard (2)
- sabermetrics (2)
- sanctimonious crap (2)
- scooters (2)
- scott boras (2)
- scott rolen (2)
- sean deveney (2)
- shameless homerism (2)
- shaq (2)
- shock (2)
- simply clueless (2)
- slippery slopes are for dopes (2)
- some sort of disclaimer against underage drinking (2)
- somebody was paid cash money to be this dumb (2)
- someone who actually care about the all-star game (2)
- sports that aren't football are apparently for homosexuals or so i've been told (2)
- stephen a. smith needs to stick to writing the stephen a smith my blog (2)
- steve phillips (2)
- stupid baseball players (2)
- stupid buzzwords (2)
- team of destiny (2)
- teehee (2)
- the big lebowski (2)
- the rules apply to everyone but me [exclamation point] (2)
- the worst thing that has ever been written about sports (2)
- things that are blown out of proportion (2)
- this article really didn't SAY anything (2)
- tiger woods (2)
- tim kurkjian (2)
- tom gorzelanny (2)
- tony la russa (2)
- total request live with carson palmer (2)
- tracy ringolsby (2)
- two-fer (2)
- unsolicited advice which happens to suck (2)
- vacation (2)
- vorp (2)
- wait you mean eckstein isn't clutch? (2)
- wait....Fred Lewis ISN'T famous? (2)
- warp (2)
- we don't have a jeff passan tag (2)
- we have too many labels (2)
- weird shakespearean crap (2)
- what a bad pun (2)
- what a self serving post on my part (2)
- who is screening these letters? (2)
- who knew you could embed spreadsheets (2)
- why not double check your numbers? (2)
- worst article I've ever read (2)
- yes goddammit it IS baseball season (2)
- you do have to admit deadspin was more tolerable with Leitch at the helm (2)
- youtube (2)
- . (1)
- 1-888-BETS-OFF (1)
- AFL fever catch it (1)
- Aaron Harang (1)
- Antebellum justice is the best way to settle hockey games (1)
- Bill James (1)
- Bonanza (1)
- Burying posts I disagree with (1)
- CAPITAL LETTERS (1)
- CHRISTMAS AND THANKSGIVING MUST REMAIN SEPARATE (1)
- Chris W's love affair with Bill James (1)
- Dave Heuschkel (1)
- Death Threats (1)
- Diamondbacks (1)
- Dick Kaegel (1)
- Edward Fraser (1)
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4 comments:
When Florida International gets off to a rough start, they can do "Losing Isiah".
"Dubious Thomas" is what happens when someone's attempt at being really really really clever falls flat on its fucking face. I guess it was still too soon to make a bad pun based on the Anucha Sanders suit.
I can't wait for Inquisitive George, Casper the Amiable Ghost, Sid Barbarous and Johnny Putrid to show up in ESPN heads soon.
With you on these. They make no sense/aren't funny/interesting/lack originality/suck donkey balls etc....but they show up all the time.
NOT PUNTACULAR?
FAKE PUN(T)?
PUNishing A;LSKDJF?
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