ESPN brings out the Big Guns

I assume that I'm like most of America with and HDTV - you see what's on in HD, then if there's nothing good on, you watch something that looks amazing because it's in HD. Example - Sunrise Earth on Discovery's HD Theater. I would never wake up early enough to see the sun rise here at home, but you show me the sun rising over Machu Picchu, and I'm there. Sunday I fell victim to ABCHD's coverage of the ArenaBowl. A few years ago I watched the AFL on TNN because they had hilarious yokels call games, and more recently because it was on NBC when I woke up while at college. It makes for decent watching, I suppose, but where's the fucking defense? This year, I fell asleep while watching the San Jose/Philadelphia game and went to ESPN for the score and a column to make fun of. Big surprise - they just used the AP and then made up a stupid graphic to partner it with. So you don't have to click over to read what the AP said (basically, I should have stayed awake to watch the lack of defense,) here's the offending graphic:


A closer look at the "notable" leagues that gave Philadelphia championships:

World TeamTennis? Are you fucking kidding me? Multi Colored Courts, pro athletes that get drafted for a game, (and then back out because they realize that they have to play a game in St. Louis - good choice, Andy.) and get excited because they play music! But remain quiet at all other times.

The MISL? Let me tell you a little something about this league - I've held their MVP and championship trophy. It's nothing cool, just a good Facebook profile photo. The players think they're hot shit, when in fact, they play indoor soccer. Sure they get paid to play a game and sure they have much more skill at soccer than I do at anything, but it's FUCKING INDOOR SOCCER GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK, ESPN. Really. What other shit leagues will you pull out?

How about another league that ESPN has a giant TV stake in - Major League Lacrosse. Not to be confused with the NLL, (which should be easy to do, they're in the same stat shot) the MLL will be broadcast on ESPN2 until 2016. And only ESPN2. Until they need to run ESPNews because Brett Favre has sent a text message which some might construe as him thinking he might want to play another year, then it will move over to ESPN Classic/3.

While I don't really have anything against minor league hockey or indoor lacrosse, how does one go about bragging about those championships? You live in a city with an NHL team and you're going to celebrate that the minor league team won? No wonder those people threw batteries at J.D. Drew, the biggest accomplishment in sports are the shitty teams winning all the trophies.

Most seem to think Philadelphia hasn't won a pro sports title since the 76ers in 1983.

And most who read your adorable graphic will realize that they have not, in fact, won anything of value.