Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Presenting a voicemail from Chris W

I did a post like this way back in 2007, and it was hilarious (to me and Chris anyways), and I'm going to do it again because it's late and I want to bury Dan's excellent Ray Lewis post before any other blithering idiots manage to try to ruin it via the comments. Note to the guy who brought up the Duke lacrosse scandal: I hate Duke and I hate dickwad lacrosse players (which is to say I hate lacrosse players), and even I can admit that those kids weren't guilty of anything other than being racist dickwad Duke lacrosse players. "[Person] is as guilty as those Duke lacrosse players" should only be said with the ironic implication that [person] has clearly done nothing wrong. Otherwise whoever said it sounds like a certified tardass.

So anyways let's all bask in the glow of Chris's revelation about Colin Cowherd's revelation about Cleveland Cavaliers fans. Think of this as a raw, nasty, fetal post. This is the random DNA of thought that eventually sometimes maybe becomes an actual finished and polished post if whichever writer has an experience like this ends up being unlazy enough to take the time to type it all out coherently. Since Chris left me this about a week ago and never did so I'm going to tell you what was going on in his brain instead.

LB. Hey, ohhhhh my God. Uh, I just heard the greatest Colin segment that's ever been. Uh, I don't know how much you listen to Colin and if you don't listen to him at all you, uh, (indecipherable). So. ANYWAY. IF you've been listening to him, you'd know that he's been, like, harping on this Cleveland Cavs thing, that Cleveland fans, you know, pretend they're upset about The Decision but really they're just upset that they lost LeBron and that LeBron went to Miami.

Uh, first of all, obviously a flawed premise, it's not like every single team that's lost a free agent ever... hasn't thrown a shit fit, although to be fair, Cleveland fans booed Jim Thome when he came back to Cleveland even though he didn't do anything besides sign a free agent deal. REGARDLESS... this was fucking amazing.

Uh, he hit the end of his show, and then he came up with a new argument about why Cleveland fans are pussies. And. I don't disagree on principle, but regardless, this is phenomenal. He said this as if he'd just discovered cancer. He said this. He said "Hey, wait a minute, didn't the Cleveland Cavs once sign a big free agent? Didn't they once sign LARRY NANCE? So they were ok with stealing away from other teams, but they're not, they're not ok with LeBron being stolen away?"

And he said that he, like, like this was the most profound discovery in the history of man. Like he just discovered fire or something. That he had discovered THE LOOPHOLE or the uh the FATAL FLAW in the Cleveland Cavs fandom, that they once signed a free agent who, frankly I'm not the biggest fan of the NBA, but I've never heard of Larry Nance. I have to assume that was like 20 or 30 years ago, or if it was 10 years ago, it wasn't anyone anybody's been crying about. Anyways it... it blew my mind. I just couldn't.... I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. Anyways I hope you enjoy that. Take it easy.

I did, and I am.


Chris W said...

Thanks for transcribing all the "uh's"

Chris W said...

BTW I actually said "(indecipherable)". Literally. I said, phonetically, "open parenthesis indecipherable close parenthesis." Retrospectively, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I was pretty hungover

Chris W said...

I also verbally misspelled Larry Nance somehow.

Daniel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Daniel said...

What makes his comment even more irrelevant/clownshoes is that Larry Nance was traded to Cleveland midseason for a bunch of players including Kevin Johnson and a draft pick that turned into Dan Majerle.

I didn't listen to the radio show, but even if it wasn't Larry Nance that he mentioned, I'm sure he was still factually wrong.