Thursday, September 10, 2009

Kidnapping? Check. Rape? Check. Wacky Rick Reillyesque Take On "Sports These Days!"? Check

http://www.ocregister.com/articles/world-won-most-2555260-never-one

Long story short, this fellow used the 19 year prolonged kidnapping and rape of a young girl named Jaycee Dugard as the conceptual basis for a column about how things "ain't what they done used to be in sports!"

Which of course badly missteps the boundaries of taste. But the writing, Jim! The writing!

Here's the cliff's notes.

How long before she fully digests the world she re-enters? How difficult to adjust to such cataclysmic change?

More than that, who's going to explain the fact that there's a President Obama?

You mean because he's black? Or because he has a funny name? Or because he isn't George H. W. Bush--the president who was in office when Jaycee was first kidnapped and raped at the inception of her 19 year torture and imprisonment?

Dugard's stepfather says she's going to need a lot of therapy — you think? — so perhaps she should take a respite before confronting the new realities.


Hint number one you should look for a new topic for your sports column--you find yourself discussing the amount of therapy rape victims will need in order to finally enjoy sports again.

•Michael Jordan did indeed win the big one, and five others.

•Yeah, this golfer really is named Tiger Woods.

•Stock car drivers now marry international models and are invited to the White House.

•Domed stadiums, like the ones in Houston and Minneapolis, are considered obsolete, or at least unfit for baseball.


Just totally what I think about when I think about sports in the last 20 years.

•Magic Johnson is a billionaire businessman, and most of us have forgotten just why he had to retire.


Heh.

Basically everything in this article is absurdly stupid, even beyond the ridiculous concept, but let's skip right to the last sentence, which really puts the perfect final horseshit touch on a horseshit column:

Congratulations, Jaycee. You left the yard.

13 comments:

dan-bob said...

This post needs the label "not full-blown AIDS yet".

Chris W said...

No lie: I was going to tag it "Magic Johnson has HIV but not AIDS" but thought that might be in poor taste. So I left it with a very tasteful "Magic Johnson" tag

Anonymous said...

This is priceless:

http://www.ocregister.com/articles/column-apologize-readers-2557723-register-most

Elliot said...

Thanks for this Chris. I don't normally type this, but this article truly made me LOL. The apology column is even better.

Anonymous said...

Deadspin called. It'd like its post back. Thanks.

Jack M said...

Deadspin lifts 80% of their stories from other sites and routinely posts things that TBL covered over 24 hours before. A Deadspin-fanboy criticizing another blog for posting on the same topic as a Deadspin post is hypocritical to say the least.

Chris W said...

Do you think Deadspin is the only website that posted this story? Fact of the matter is I found out about this on Shysterball.

Sorry you didn't enjoy this post, anonymous!

Anonymous said...

Deadspin also posted how this cumstain has a history of writing columns like this. He did it in 1991 after the release from 7 years of Hezbollah captivity of American professor Terry Anderson. What a piece of shit.

Chris W said...

All issues of taste aside, why the fuck does this guy think this is an interesting angle to write from? It would be a dumb article even if it weren't making a lighthearted joke about prolonged rape and torture.

Anonymous said...

Chris W nailed it! Leaving aside the unseemly context, why would he think that listing a bunch of things that happened in the sports world over the past 18 years would make for good reading? And why/how would an editor give that the green light?

Tonus said...

Looking back on 18 years of sports is one thing. Writing an article about how, shucks, this kid missed out on all these great sports stories WHILE SHE WAS HELD CAPTIVE BY A MANIACAL RAPIST FOR MOST OF HER LIFE is another thing. That this guy apparently can't see that is mind-boggling.

Iridescence said...

What an incredible douchebag this guy must be to think his comparison was appriopriate and amusing(?!) Unbelievable.

Anonymous said...

http://www.djmal.net/thaspot/members/viagrakaufend
[b]VIAGRA online BESTELLEN VIAGRA BILLIG BESTELLEN[/b]
http://www.serataanime.it/forum2/member.php?u=336
[b]FREE VIAGRA VIAGRA BILLIG BESTELLEN[/b]
VIAGRA BESTELLEN eur 0.85 Pro Pille >> Klicken Sie Hier << BESTELLEN BILLIG VIAGRA CIALIS VIAGRA potenzhilfe REZEPTFREI BESTELLEN VIAGRA
http://www.barroco.comyr.com/member.php?u=3
[b]VIAGRA Schweiz VIAGRA BILLIG BESTELLEN[/b]
[url=http://www.einvestorhelp.com/member.php?u=37776]VIAGRA potenzhilfe[/url] - VIAGRA preis
[b]VIAGRA Suisse BILLIG VIAGRA[/b]
[b]VIAGRA online kaufen VIAGRA PREISVERGLECH BILLIG[/b]
[url=http://www.zonatuning.com/members/viagrakaufend]VIAGRA alternativ[/url] - VIAGRA Austria
[b]erection VIAGRA BESTELLEN BILLIG VIAGRA[/b]
[b]VIAGRA bestellen BILLIG VIAGRA REZEPTFREI BESTELLEN[/b]
[b]VIAGRA® kaufen
VIAGRA Deutschland
VIAGRA online kaufen
VIAGRA on line
VIAGRA alternativ
VIAGRA rezeptfrei
VIAGRA Kaufen
VIAGRA Apotheke[/b]