Dodgers' Honorary Batboy Sprouts Chest Hair, Supports Manny's Case for MVP

This article is old. Close to a month old. I can't believe we didn't see it before. Some dude must have shut our radar thingy off or something. Good ol' Gerry Fraley, this one's all you.

Juan Pierre hit a home run.

For that reason alone, Dodgers left fielder Manny Ramirez merits strong consideration in the National League MVP race.

There is absolutely no way the best lawyer in the universe can reconcile these two things as cause and effect.

Pierre was hitting in the happy spot — ahead of Ramirez — when he homered on Monday at Pittsburgh. Pierre had gone 1,070 at-bats without a homer.

And this is somehow Manny's doing, right? Newsflash: Juan Pierre has about .00134 times the power of Marco Scutaro. Pitchers are always giving him things to hit because he has almost zero chance of hitting the baseball out of the park. They don't care whether Manny Ramirez or Alfredo Amezaga is hitting behind him.

Ramirez makes everyone in the Dodgers' lineup better, even the lighter-than-light-hitting, toothpick-swinging Pierre.

You know what, I think that out of nowhere, I'm going to credit Ryan Ludwick's breakout season to how awesome a hitter Albert Pujols is.

No player has won an MVP Award in a season in which he was traded.

There is a very, VERY good reason for this.

St. Louis first baseman Albert Pujols would be a conventional choice for the award. He goes into tonight's game at Cincinnati ranking no lower than seventh in any of the Triple Crown categories in the N.L., in addition to leading slugging percentage and being second in on-base percentage.

God I wish he was the conventional choice. There's a decent chance that Pujols won't win. But you're right. He has been the best player in the National League this season. The player who has provided the most value. The Most Valuable Pla-

Player of the year for Pujols? Sure. But not MVP.

Gah-whaaaaaaaa???

Pujols was unable to keep the bullpen-poor Cardinals from sinking in the N.L. Central.

2001 Barry Bonds couldn't have done that.

Let's just say that when Pujols doesn't win the award, Jason Isringhausen and Ron Villone are going to find something extra special on their front porches, courtesy of good ol' number five.

In less than two months since being obtained from Boston, Ramirez has had the opposite effect on the Dodgers.

He.....made their bullpen better? Gerry....Gerry you just can't say that!

Los Angeles goes into tonight's game against Pittsburgh with a 25-18 record since Ramirez joined the club.

That's .581, for the non-math whizzes in the world.

That includes a 12-2 mark in September.

A month in which games count the same as they do in August.

By the way, that leaves them at 13-16 in August. Why didn't Manny's awesome presence instantly supercharge these guys?

Dodgers general manager Ned Colletti should get general manager of the year honors, too.

No. No. HELL NO. He spent $118.5M and Andy LaRoche to go 6 games over .500. All the Ramirez trade did was undo all the crap he'd already done to the team.

Jeff Kent - $9M
Andruw Jones - $14.1M in signing bonus and salary
Nomar Garciaparra - $7.5M
Juan Pierre - $8M

Ladies and gentlemen, the most expensive bench in history!

Oh yeah, and for some reason he traded for Angel Berroa, who might be the worst player ever, and whom Coletti will have to pay $500,000 just to show him the door before next season. MOTHERFUCKING GM OF THE YEAR.

He managed to acquire an MVP-level player for some inconsequential prospects and without taking on any salary obligation.

Isn't it fun to call prospects inconsequential before we know if they'll pan out or not? Damn, that Clay Buchholz sure is inconsequential.....

Oh yeah. Dog shit. It was dog shit on Isringhausen and Villone's porches. Yeah. Real mature, Albert.