First of all, I guess everyone is saying this but I might as well too: rest in peace Stu Scott. I'd be lying if I said I thought he was the greatest, or if I tried to pretend like I never wrote anything mean about him on this blog. But when push comes to shove, he was an entertaining dude who made sports fun. That's all that really matters.
With that out of the way, let's get back to the important task of hating everything. I'll comment more about the Hall of Fame election next week, and how dumb it is that Piazza and Bagwell are still not and (and not even good bets to make it next year--watch the voters only put in Griffey and no one else).
For now, though, let's get back to sports gambling savant Bill Simmons, who has a well-refined manifesto that is perfectly internally consistent, and who is apt at spotting a Vegas line that is a point too high or too low. I lost track of his total numbers, but when we last left him a month ago, I had him at 59-61 plus some pushes. He claimed at the end of last week's wild card round picks that he finished the regular season at 101-93 (after subtracting out the perfect 58-0 score he gave himself for the time he was suspended). Something went awry in there, because at that time there were only four regular season weeks left for the NFL, and he has himself having picked roughly 75 games, or roughly 19 per week. I dunno. I'm not going to check his work, I'm just going to reiterate that he's a fucking dumbshit, and let him back that up as I analyze his wild card picks below. He did the never-entertaining "Things about both teams that could make you regret picking them" format, and I'm commenting just on his logic for the teams that ended up winning, because, come on, isn't it great that when he publishes a set of picks in that format he's spoon feeding us a well-developed line of idiotic thinking that, if he followed it while placing bets, could have him going 0-for on the week?
He went 1-3 against the spread and 2-2 straight up. THANKS FOR THE FREE MONEY, VEGAS!
PANTHERS (-6.5) over Cardinals
Why You Eventually Regretted Taking the Panthers: You laid nearly a touchdown with a lame division champ that went 64 days between wins.
The Pick: Panthers 23, Cardinals 7
Not bad. And it's all way, way, way downhill from here.
STEELERS (-3.5) over Ravens
Why You Eventually Regretted Taking the Ravens: You ignored the probability of Baltimore’s putrid secondary getting overpowered by the NFL’s most dangerous passing attack.
The Pick: Pittsburgh 37, Baltimore 24
Bengals (+4) over COLTS
Why You Eventually Regretted Taking the Colts: You forgot that the Colts were 2014’s Good Bad Team; they got destroyed three times in the last nine weeks.
The Pick: Cincinnati 23, Indianapolis 20
Why You Eventually Regretted Taking the Cowboys: Tony Romo. Jason Garrett. Tony Romo AND Jason Garrett.
The Pick: Cowboys 33, Lions 14