First of all, I meant to include this in the initial post in this series but forgot. Check out the photo accompanying this piece, which presumably took up a full page in the print edition of Rolling Stone. Look at it. It's magnificent. HE'S SO EDGY. Nothing says "Authority on Sports" like an awkward dad wearing a douchey LA outfit about to throw a basketball at you.
This is your favorite "sports" columnist, America. Good job. You assholes.
In his columns, Simmons embodies the precise average of American maleness: He loves sports,
Once a year, he goes to Vegas with several friends —
He won't say whether or not he has a bookie in L.A., which means he likely does.
Simmons will always be associated with New England — he might love Tom Brady and Larry Bird as much as he loves his wife and two kids — but he's unsentimental about his roots.
He began his career as a lackey at the Boston Herald, the lesser of the city's two daily papers, "organizing Chinese-food orders" and covering high school teams.
Except for the addition of tall buildings, Boston hasn't changed since Paul Revere bought a horse.
"I didn't do myself any favors," he adds now. "I was probably too arrogant,
He wrote with a fan's dismay and delight, rejecting the idea of being objective (a Boston partisan, he openly despises the L.A. Lakers and any team from New York),
Simmons' early work had flaws — bitterness, cheap cracks about the manliness of female athletes, praise for the Counting Crows —
In 2000, when ESPN launched Page 2, a site that mixed sports, pop culture and humor, Simmons waited for his phone to ring. "That was probably the lowest I sunk, when ESPN didn't hire me for Page 2," he says.
I'd say the obvious "moral," if you're going to give the story of Simmons's success that much gravitas, is to appeal to stupid people. There's a lot of them and they're easy to please. His rise to power at ESPN is idiocracy in corporate media form. I'll give him this, though--he's probably less of a shithead than Mariotti.
I'll wrap this up later.