Thursday, January 17, 2013

According to Rick Reilly, the person most hurt by Lance Armstrong's lies was Rick Reilly

I don't think Rick has a baseball HOF vote, but he should.  He gives any of those assholes a run for their money in terms of ability to make everything revolve around himself.

Among my emails Wednesday morning, 

The first time I clicked into this article, I clicked out after reading this far.  I begrudgingly went back when I realized I was overdue for writing a post.

out of the blue, was one from Lance Armstrong.


What do you think Reilly called Armstrong?  Hopefully something as cringe-worthy as "Riles."

I'm sorry.

All I can say for now but also the most heartfelt thing too. Two very important words.


And my first thought was ... "Two words? That's it?"

Armstrong, as has been documented in hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of places, is a legendary assfuck.  I'm so sorry that the personal apology he emailed you wasn't contrite enough for your tastes, but you should be thrilled you got one at all.  

Two words? For 14 years of defending a man? And in the end, being made to look like a chump?

/smallest violin

Wrote it, said it, tweeted it: "He's clean." Put it in columns, said it on radio, said it on TV. Staked my reputation on it.

Staked your what on it?  Oh, that?  Good news, no one noticed.

But here's the thing. When he says he's sorry now, how do we know he's not still lying? 

Oh my God, who cares?  He's another dirty competitor in the dirtiest sport on Earth.  Like 90% of all pro cyclists are on something.  You're a complete and total hack, a complete and total tool for athletes to use to push their agendas (as you're about to admit in this very column), and that's not their problem.  They might be terrible people but they don't owe you an apology.  They're not your friends.  They didn't steal anything from you.  Get the fuck over yourself and stick to writing stories about disabled children who get to play sports just like everyone else because gawrsh sports are just beautiful aren't they?

And I guess I should let it go, but I keep thinking how hard he used me. 

You're a 15 year old girl realizing the guy isn't going to call.  You're a fucking child.

Made me look like a sap. Made me carry his dirty water and I didn't even know it.

Because you're a bozo.

Look, I've been fooled before. I believed Mark McGwire was hitting those home runs all on his own natural gifts.  I believed Joe Paterno couldn't possibly cover up something so grisly as child molestation. 

Holy God, you are dumb as fucking rocks.

I bought Manti Te'o's girlfriend story. 

OK, that one, woosh, I'm not touching that one.

But those people never looked me square in the pupils and spit.


It's partially my fault. I let myself admire him. Let myself admire what he'd done with his life, admire the way he'd not only beaten his own cancer but was trying to help others beat it.


I didn't realize that behind those blues was a bully, 

Everyone realized that!  It's, like, the #1 most well known thing about his personality.

a coercer, a man who threatened people who once worked for and with him. The Andreus. Emma O'Reilly. Tyler Hamilton. Armstrong was strong-arming people in the morning, and filing lawsuits and op-ed pieces in the afternoon. We'd talk and his voice would get furious. And I'd believe him.

How do you have any money?  How have you not been scammed out of every single penny you own by deposed princes of Nigeria who ask for help getting millions into American banks? God you're gullible.  

I guess I should forgive him.

Fuck that.  What you should do first is 1) get off your fucking cross, 2) try to develop a perspective that doesn't place you at the center of the goddamn universe, and 3) stop being bad at your job.  Worry about forgiving Lance later.


Barry Melrose said...

I'm not sure but recollect that Reilly was signed to a lengthy, big money contract to write on the ESPN website. I'm not sure if he came from SI or ESPN The Magazine or where exactly but I never feel compelled to read him. Maybe it's the fact that his suit and balding pate makes him seem old fogeyish or the fact that his link is just below that of the king of the center of the universe voice but Reilly leaves me cold.
His column seems devoid of any originality and is hackery at its most mundane.

jacktotherack said...

This Reilly article should have been titled "My Resignation Letter" because all he preceeds to do is outline how fucking horrible he is at his job. Wonder if anyone at ESPN even noticed.

Tim N said...

Ahh, Emma O'Reilly - my third favorite Who song.

Snarf said...

I know you mention it in your post, but I think it deserves to be repeated. Reilly will literally take anything and make it about himself. He was the true victim in the Penn State scandal. Forget that he claims to have been duped ~10 years before any investigations were ocurring (I'm not going to speculate on what happened when or when Paterno knew about it, but the timeline for Reilly to claim he was 'fooled' doesn't add up).

What a fool I was.

In 1986, I spent a week in State College, Pa., researching a 10-page Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year piece on Joe Paterno.

1998: Sandusky asks a boy identified as Victim 6, now 24, to shower with him when he is 11, and Sandusky lathers soap on his back and bear-hugs him, according to the grand jury report. The boy tells his mother, who reports it to the university.

1998: University police investigate allegations of sexually inappropriate behavior involving Sandusky. No criminal charges are pursued.

It amazes me how in both of these cases, Rick is the one hit hardest. Forget the danage that's been done to Livestrong, the sport of cycling, etc... Rick Reilly was wronged. What an ass.

Alex said...

Apparently wins all sorts of writing awards or something?

God, I hate fucking awards and people who brag about winning shitty awards.