Is this the least worthwhile article in the history of sportswriting? Scientists say: maybe

Allow me to indulge my Simmons jealousy by making a definitive and undoubtedly comprehensive list of all the things that make ESPN's brand of writing/reporting patently fucking worthless:

1) style, style, style, style.... substance? nope, no substance, but plenty of style

2) manufacturing "drama" from irrelevant sound bites

3) pandering to mouth-breathing football fans

4) beating tired or trite stories to death

5) speculating about things that require absolutely no speculation or even thought

6) spending 90% of their time talking about things that are going to happen and 10% on things that already happened, when it should be the other way around (which is sort of a subset of item #2)

Well, now we have this. I'm not sure I've ever seen all six items simultaneously on display in such spectacular fashion. (Note that I'm not bitching about the New York-ness of it since it's from ESPNNewYork.com.) As Greggggggg would note, Rex Ryan is a fat loudmouth so if the Jets lose on Saturday that's why. Unless they win, in which case Tom Coughlin's red-faced screaming and shouting is to blame. Unless Ryan was wearing more cold-weather clothing than Coughlin, in which case all bets are off.

What I'm trying to say is that ESPN can eat a bag of moldy taints.