Thursday, March 10, 2011

Irony alert

We have a new definition for irony- "unfortunate, but moderately anticipated." Take it away, Jon Paul Morosi (MORE LIKE MORONSI) and sound byte artist Ryan Howard:

The Philadelphia Phillies are supposed to win the World Series. They have the Roys. They have Cliff. They have Cole. They just have to stay healthy.

Well here we are, still a week shy of St. Patrick’s Day, talking about how the Phillies can’t seem to stay healthy.

Ironic, don’t you think?

“I would guess so,” slugger Ryan Howard said with a rueful smile.

I would guess not. Both of you: get fucked.

Also fuck the Phillies and their fffffans in the fffffffface. What? Having a team where nearly every single major contributor (C, 1B, 2B, SS, 3B, LF, CF, SP, SP, SP, CL) is over 30 (really the only exception is Cole Hamels) ISN'T always such a great idea? Color me shocked! Of course, it's worth noting that Jimmy Rollins, Ryan Howard, and Brad Lidge don't suck because they're over 30. They suck because they fucking suck and were terribly overrated to begin with.

Enjoy your 84 win season, Philadelphia.

13 comments:

Jack M said...

You do have to admit that it'd be ironic as shit if the team name was "The Philadelphia Guys Who Literally [and I mean that in the literal sense] Never Get Hurt."

Anonymous said...

Eh, I'll take the over on those 84 wins.

Chris W said...

I have constructed an ironic scenario for how having some players on a baseball team get hurt could possibly be ironic:

Aware that the only way they can win the NL East this year is to stay healthy all season long, the Phillies choose to forgo spring training in order to avoid the possibility of needless injuries. However, at spring training the other 31 teams get together and decide to change the rules of the season so that the team with the most injuries during spring training is declared World Champion. The World Series will not be played this year. The vote passes 16-15, with the Philies not being allowed to vote in absentia. Had the vote ended in a tie the rule change would not have gone into effect.

IRONY!

Anonymous said...

This may be the worst use of the word ironic ever. I mean, this isn't even coincidental, let alone ironic.

Chris W said...

How ironic that a guy whose job depends on the clarity of the English language is systematically helping to destroy said clarity!

Also: rain on your wedding day

Anonymous said...

What a rube. I think that is the most egregious misuse of irony that I have witnessed. Perhaps Simmons has, but I do not recall it.

Elliot said...

Ryan Howard is supposed to hit 50+ HRs, he just has to not strike out as much. And yet he continues to strike out a lot. #Unirony

Anonymous said...

What happened to this blog?

Chris W said...

AIDS

Anonymous said...

CancerAIDS, or just regular AIDS? Cause I think CancerAIDS can be transmitted via reading blogs.

Chris W said...

Draw your own conclusions

Anonymous said...

There are two types of people in the world: People that point out the misuse of the word irony AND people that aren't incredibly fucking annoying to be around.

Chris W said...

How ironic that in pointing something annoying out to other people because it is a pet peeve of theirs that they are actually annoying other people who find it to be a pet peeve of theirs!

My hed(pe) is spinning