Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Wow, that's racist! Well not racist, but man, it's pretty fucking dumb

I subscribe to the NFL RedZone channel. It's amazing. Everything about it rules. No commercials. Only exciting plays. The opportunity to feel like I'm watching six games at once- sort of like being in a crowded sports bar on a Sunday afternoon, without all the douchetard Cowboys, Steelers, and Patriots fans there whooping it up and making everyone around them stupider by osmosis.

Another great part of it is host/quasi commentator Scott Hanson. Scott rules. He narrates, runs down some of the exciting stories from the day, occasionally does play-by-play for whatever game is on, often provides color commentary or fantasy football advice, and is always quick-witted and sharp. He talks for six hours straight which is pretty impressive in and of itself; the fact that he does it well is even more incredible. Which is why it really surprised me (as well as pissed me off) when he said this about a Peyton Hillis TD run last Sunday:

And there's Peyton Hillis, reminding us of Mike Alstott.

Here are the ways in which Hillis should remind us of Alstott: they're both white. Here are the ways in which Hillis should not remind us of Alstott: the position each played, their running styles, the situations in which their team used them, and just generally what they looked like while playing football (ON A FOOTBALL FIELD AS PART OF A FOOTBALL TEAM IN THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE).

Hanson is far from the only moron sportscaster making this kind of claim. It's just frustrating that he had to join their ranks since he's such a badass otherwise. But really, come on. Let's try to look past race and look at ability when comparing players who play (roughly) the same position. Does Seneca Wallace remind you of Byron Leftwich? Does Kirk Hinrich remind you of John Stockton? Does every Asian baseball player remind you of a young Ichiro? Then you're stupid. Go throw yourself out of a moving ferris wheel.

Just show some awareness, people. It's OK to admit that not every white guy who carries the ball is Mike Alstott, and not every white guy who catches passes is Brandon Stokley.


Jonathan Mathis said...

Hi Larry,
I really admire this site (perhaps not the Mariotti bashing) lol. I am an aspiring sports writer. I am currently majoring in journalism to become a national sports columnist. I recently stopped writing because critics are always bashing my work religiously. Tell your team that I said keep up the brilliant work. The truth is, a majority of writers publish bullshit. I plan on promoting this site on Facebook.
You are welcomed to contact me at Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/jonathan.mathis2.

Jack M said...

Thank zombie Jesus that Larry has never heard of Danny Woodhead.

Adam said...

I predict that Danny Woodhead will become the David Eckstein of football. He's about 5'7, looks like a 13yr old with ADHD, and oh yeah, he's white. Plus the Patriots THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO GET THE BEST OUT OF GUYS ON THEIR ROSTER IN THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.

You know who else reminds me of Mike Alstott: Toby Gerhart.

Chris W said...

You know who reminds me of Mike Alstott?

Zombie Mike Alstott

Anonymous said...

So, wait...Matt Jones did or did not remind you of Brandon Stokely??

Elliot said...

Is Larry now the white, male version of Jemele Hill?

your favourite sun said...

One that will always stick with me is when some announcer--sadly can't remember which one--claimed that Tim Dwight didn't succeed in Atlanta as much as he should have because he didn't play more like Ed McCaffrey. Because all 5'8" receivers who were track stars in college should try to fit the mold of a 6'5" route-runner? He also claimed that its what Dan Reeves wanted Dwight to be, which doesn't seem right if Reeves was having him return punts and average 21 yards per catch...

Maybe he should have been more like Ricky Proehl.

First Name Last Initial said...

Red Zone Rules.

Not racist.

You're a whiny pussy.