Thursday, November 19, 2009

I Still Watch Sportscenter, for Some Reason

And in the span of about five minutes just now, I heard two things which undoubtedly made me and everyone else watching stupider.

In a "4 Downs" Q & A segment (because we can't just ask people questions... we need some kind of contrived setup or backdrop for the questions, which takes a sports theme), Craig James was asked the following:

Is this the year that the Heisman Trophy goes to the best player in the country, not just a hyped skill player on a highly ranked team?

A decent question. Craig, your thoughts?

Yes, I think so.

Awesome. Like who?

That's why I like Mark Ingram from Alabama.

What. The fuck. COME ON. I'm not saying Ingram isn't good- he's awesome. But Jesus, Craig- listen to the fucking question, OK? Does he not know that running back is a "skill position?" Does he not know Alabama is undefeated and ranked #2? Does he not know that Ingram is at least "hyped" at this point, if not maybe a tiny bit overhyped? Was he talking about a different Mark Ingram from Alabama? And just to make things even worse, village idiot Mark May then had to go and do something reasonable and talk about relatively unheralded Nebraska DL Ndamakong Suh. I hate "4 Downs," although it's better than the "Cold Hard 6 Pack of Coors Light Cold Hard Facts brought to you by Geico."

Maybe 120 seconds later, Tim Kirkjuan narrated a taped segment about baseball's free agent period. This wasn't a lightly-scripted in studio interview; this was a piece that was recorded well before the show, as Tim read off a script. That was presumably reviewed by a production editor before it was used. Hmmm, let's kick off the segment with an analogy. Tim?

At midnight tonight, baseball's equivalent to March Madness begins.

March Madness is an end of the year tournament, featuring games played on the court (the football court by football players) among teams which have had set rosters for the previous five months. Baseball's free agent signing period is a contract negotiation window, featuring absolutely no games played on the field but rather players bouncing around from team to team. Come on, Tim.

And sadly, as I type this, I'm still watching Sportscenter. Sigh. Currently up for debate: should LeBron tone down the ferocity of his dunks? AMERICA NEEDS TO KNOW.


Chris W said...

nacho nacho man

Adam said...

The next segment was probably something like "Better NFL Wide Receiver: Braylon Edwards or LeBron".

Biggus Rickus said...

Who's now? Brady Quinn vs. Gloria Gainer.

Anonymous said...

Did he mean Midnight Madness? Not great either, but at least they both (1) start at midnight (or at least MM used to) and (2) are the beginning of periods in which you try to make your teams better.

Nah, that makes too much sense for Timmy.

Chris W said...

I'm just hoping Craig James doesn't do something obnoxious like try to get a football coach fired for not playing his son enough and use the ESPN network as his personal platform for airing the specifics of his he-said/she-said case against this football coach (whoever said football coach may be)