Oh no.
Oh fucking no.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
That's it, people. The season is canceled. Why would anyone want to pay attention to the NFL if Tom Brady isn't a part of it?
Seriously though- eat a big bag of poop, Patriots. As I'm about to explain, it's not that I'm happy Brady got hurt. But I sure am happy their team is going to be a lot worse than expected this year. And I don't see any problem with making that separation.
This is probably going to end up being a progressive post that I update as more and more ridiculous analysis of this injury rolls in, but let's get started with the first two nausea-inducing things I've heard since it all went down about 12 hours ago.
John Madden, during Sunday Night Football:
I'm sure the Patriots are devastated. But really, the whole league is probably devastated.
Listen, no one normal wants to see someone get hurt. (Well, except for me with Curt Schilling, and fortunately that happened. So I guess that proves that I was in the right. Anyways.) It's not like players from the other 31 teams are sitting around high-fiving each other. But really... devastated? As in, deeply affected? Extremely upset about? Maybe things have changed since you coached, John, but in this situation I'm fairly certain that at the absolute bare minimum, the other three teams in the AFC East are tactfully comfortable with the idea of Brady taking a season off.
Trent Dilfer, during ESPN's "The Blitz:"
This guy is one of the true heroes of the game.
At least he didn't say one of the true heroes of all time for the whole world, like Mother Teresa or John Elway or something. Still- excuse me while I step away for a minute to fill my kitchen sink with vomit.
Like I said, stay tuned. I'm sure the worst of this garbage is yet to come.
Call me abnormal if you wish, Larry, but as a Bills fan, this is absolutely thrilling. As far as I'm concerned, those bitches and their fans got what they deserved. For the first time in, oh, 15 years, the East will belong to the Bills. I couldn't be more giddy, either; suck it, New England.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first turned ESPN on I thought Brett Favre had been killed or something, until the name Brady was mentioned. Then I thought Brady was killed. It's awful that a pro football player can't play football for a while, but no one has died from knee surgery lately. Is Brady really so good that they will have trouble winning any games this season without him? That's what it sounded like listening to those ESPN guys talk. I always had the impression that Brady was an excellent physical speciman (strong, great arm), but he was incredibly brilliant and resourceful and a great technical QB. It cannot be as impossible to replace him as it sounded coming from those guys.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a Patriots fan, nor a fan of any team in the AFC East. I respect what Brady did on the field, but when I heard Dilfer say that I couldn't believe it. I hope the Patriots lose a bunch of games and I hope Trent Dilfer gains some perspective, but I doubt he will.
Larry, this is pure karma! Last year they ran the score up against every team they could and did not take the starters out until the very end of the game. The Patriots acted as if the whole world was against them when they were the ones that were caught cheating. They also concealed real injuries on the injury report and put Brady on there to be smart asses. The world has a way of evening itself out.
ReplyDeleteThey finally got what they deserved. I am going to say the whole league is celebrating today, especially if they are one of the teams the Patritos hung 40 points on last year. Quarterbacks get injured all the time and you have to prepare for it. The Patriots have not, so they put themselves in this situation. It makes me sick this leads all of the NFL coverage.
There were so many great games yesterday that should be focused on but instead ESPN chooses to have a "pity the media" party because the golden boy got hurt. Besides bad things always happen to the Super Bowl losers.
I remember when Vinny Testaverde hurt his leg and tens of thousands of people around the world immediately committed suicide as a result. Some of them had never even heard of the NFL! Now that is impact, people.
ReplyDeleteWhen Tom Brady has that affect on people, call me. Until then he's just another name on the injury list.
Send tips to the email address if you see any outragoues hyperbole re: Brady, please. I'd like to make this post pretty comprehensive by the end of the week.
ReplyDeleteCB- You're probably just in denial. The devastation will set in shortly.
ReplyDeleteCB, the devastation will hit you. I tried to drown myself in the shower this morning.
ReplyDeleteI like how there are tons of articles saying how the competitive balance has now shifted in the NFL because of this injury, as if the Patriots were locks to win the Super Bowl no matter what. Even though they had the best year ever last year and still did not win the Super Bowl.
My only fear is that if Brett Favre gets hurt then ESPN will completely quit showing highlights of football for the rest of the year. Actually, that may not be such a bad thing. They led off SportsCenter with 10 minutes of hyperbole about how the injury is going to affect the world.
Today at 1:34 EST, the exact time Tom Brady got injured, all fighting in the Middle East is going to stop in honor of this great man and the impact he has had on football. I just have to wonder if an injury to David Garrard would justify so much coverage.
I'm interested to see how Easterbrook pins this on either/both bad strategy that could have been avoided or Football gods.
ReplyDeleteTonus, I'm pretty sure you're just describing the plot of an M. Night Shamylan movie.
ReplyDeleteHOW DOES THIS AFFECT MY FANTASY TEAM
ReplyDeleteFANTASY FOOTBALL THAT IS
JUST SO YOU GUYS KNOW, I PLAY FANTASY FOOTBALL.
Jeff, are you kidding? Easterbrook already predicted it in his preview written last week:
ReplyDelete"Perfection denied;
Gods punish running up score.
The Flying Elvii."
So, aside from having to hear about the weekly comparisons between Aaron Rogers and Brett Favre, we will have to hear about how Brady's loss affects the Patriots. Every single week.
ReplyDeleteLooks like it'll be a fun NFL season.
haikus sukk
ReplyDeleteBilly Simmons has some thoughts on the matter. Even compares it to going to your wedding, only to learn your bride to be has been critically hurt or killed in an accident. And, at that point, sitting in the hospital, Bill's normal thought process is to begin talking himself into which bridesmaid will be his new wife.
ReplyDeleteA perfect and flawless analogy.