Thanks to the results of today's wholly satisfying game, you'll probably see a lot less Boston bashing from me during the next few weeks. I feel so incredibly relieved. It's like an enormous weight has been lifted from my frail, un-muscular shoulders. Don't get me wrong; I still hate those teams and their fans just as much as I did 24 hours ago. But the proverbial itch has been scratched. Knowing that pretty much everyone north or east of Hartford feels like a bag of shit right now really frees up my mind. That said, I will still continue to post about Bill Simmons with the same frequency I have been. Boston-centric articles by him are on an entirely different level of awful than those written by other journalists.
I was going to post about this before the game, but things are a little busy right now. (Incidentally, after this, you won't hear from me again until Wednesday at the earliest. So if someone else around here wants to step up for a couple days... yeah... otherwise, see you when I see you.) From Simmons' Super Bowl pick column:
Over the past few weeks, I have become mildly obsessed with how this moment came to be -- and by moment, I mean "the chance to go 19-0" -- partly because everyone is dissecting the Patriots these days, and it's frustrating to hear dumb points or half-assed thoughts about my favorite team,
What is it again that you do at ESPN, Bill? Oh that's right. About 50% of the time, you write about the Sawks/Patties/Celts in a fashion that's totally uninteresting to people that don't already like them. The other 50%, you offer practically nothing but "dumb points and half-assed thoughts" about other peoples' favorite teams. Did you really write that and think your non-Boston readers wouldn't mind?
Who else out there is brimming with excitement to see what Bill comes up with re: the Super Bowl? I'm terrified that he'll puss out and not even write anything. But assuming he does... don't bother emailing me and requesting that I make a post about it. I'll already be halfway finished.
So, a little bit of work-related shmoo and a little bit of glee-induced insomnia, but has anyone else been frantically punching reload over at the Worldwide Leader hoping Simmons' piece is somehow up already? I don't think I was ever this excited as a kid for Christmas morning or going to Disneyland as I am for Bill's big weepy Saddy McSadderson Welker-flavored crocodile tears.
ReplyDeleteI literally just clapped my hands in glee.
Schadenfreude Fever: catch it!
Where do you think this ranks on the Stomach Punch Scale?
HA HA HA HA!
ReplyDeleteI live outside of Boston and am a big Red Sox fan. The Patriots, well I'll admit I'm a bandwagon fan. I grew up outside of New Haven and my entire family are Giants fans. I'll admit that I think Patriots fans in general are pretty obnoxious. I'm not broken up at all about the Pats loss. I still can't believe they beat the Rams. Shouldn't the clock have stopped when the kick went through the uprights?
After the last Brady desperation heave missed, I blurted out "Fuck Bill Simmons!" Then I laughed heartily at how bad all the Pats fans around here are going to feel! Maybe I am a Giants fan after all?
I'm still keeping the Pats as my Madden team, though.
I wonder how long this page will remain available?
ReplyDeleteThis is so great. I hope there are riots that destroy the city of Boston
ReplyDeleteI think we'll have a break down of non-calls or calls that stole the game away from the Patriots. It's obvious that because the Patriots didn't win, someone is at fault.
ReplyDeleteRefs=Nazis
ReplyDeletePAtriots=Jews
wasn't that the analogy he made in that Indy article?
Great point, I had forgotten about that. I'm sure there's some kind of ultra-bizarre WWII movie that is perfectly analogous to yesterday's game. And the refs/Giants are the Nazis.
ReplyDeleteTonus: also they trademarked 19-0 for for no reason now too. Man this is great!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't going to read Simmons' Friday column, but now I think I will.
ReplyDelete...and it's up:
ReplyDeletehttp://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/080204
And the verdict is: the Giants stole it. Fourth paragraph in.
Actually the whole thing is kind of sad. It's like watching the expression on a kid's face as he realizes there is no Santa Claus.
Exact quote from Simmons' article (I read it when I said I would not):
ReplyDeleteYou bleed for your team, you follow them through thick and thin, you monitor every free-agent signing, you immerse yourself in draft day, you purchase the jerseys and caps, you plan your Sundays around the games ... and there's a little rainbow waiting at the end. You can't see it, but you know it's there. It's there. It has to be there. So you believe.
Of course, there's one catch: You might never get there."
They won three Super Bowls in four years. This self pity is horrible. All he knows he is half assed analysis anyway. Remember "Umbutu" and the fact this Pats team is so close is because they play Scrabble together and have one goal in mind? How do we expect him to analyze any team well when he bleeds for a team and still can't analyze their strengths/weaknesses correctly?
And yes, I realize that was a quote from his article a few years ago. You know he feels that way though. How bad is it that his new articles are so bad he has to use feelings he had in prior articles to properly articulate?
ReplyDeleteI like how he "started seeing" the lack of energy at halftime. I think everyone else saw they were getting their ass kicked in the first quarter. I don't remember the shot of Brady freaking out in his first Super Bowl, but I do recall Fox showing him skipping yesterday screaming in the pregame about four times...so he really has no point.
One more post, sorry...He was going to hang out with Tom Brady after the game? Is he a journalist or a fan club member? What is Peter King announced in his article that he and Brett Favre were going to sip pina coladas on the back porch after a game? Though they probably do, he at least has the integrity to not say it...actually he would. Regardless, this is why Simmons sucks. He is a fan club member posing as a journalist. He wants to be considered "cool" as opposed to writing a good, insightful article.
ReplyDeleteNothing says insufferable douche like "hanging out with Tom Brady after the game in his hotel room" was he just going to stare at "Stetson Boy" all night?
ReplyDeleteBen- Don't worry about writing lots of comments. They make me feel really important.
ReplyDeleteAlso, there's not a chance in fucking hell that even if Simmons managed to get into that party he was talking about, that he wouldn't be a total wallflower and be asked to leave after the 15 minutes or whatever his connection managed to negotiate for on his behalf. There's no way most athletes give him an ounce of respect.
But Larry, Bill said he had connections...
ReplyDeleteLiving in the Boston area, it is pretty amusing listening to the stunned fans who can't believe the Pats lost. One caller to the big sports station said the Giants had a secret weapon. "See how much stronger than the Patriots the Giants defense was? They had a secret weapon. Do you know anything about modern sports? They had their own secret undetectable anabolic steroids!" To their credit, the hosts blew the guy up, but that sums up the "denial" stage of Patriot fandom.
JUSTIN TUCK SHOULD HAVE BEEN MVP
ReplyDeleteThe taste of Patriot defeat is so delicious. I'm actually surprised by Bill Simmons' column. I thought he'd crawl into a hole and hide for two weeks.
ReplyDeleteWow, Patriot Nation really is in shock if they are calling into shows with crap like that. One thing that kills me is that everyone acts as if Tom Brady is the second coming of God as a QB, and I believe he is a great QB, but his success this year was based in part on the fact he rarely got touched when he dropped back to pass. If you give a QB all the time in the world, he can find open receivers all day, and that was Brady most of the year. This is very simple but when the OL is great, the QB looks great. I am not sure Brady even knows how to evade a pass rush other than to just step forward. He never had to scramble this year really or even extend a play due to pressure.
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ReplyDeleteWe def needed a post game Bruschi: "How does it feel to go 18-0 and then lose to a 5th seed team in the Superbowl and go down in history as one of the biggest chokers ever? AWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEE YYYYEEEAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!"
ReplyDeleteWas there anything greater when Alford just swallowed him up on that last drive, that's when everyone knew it was OVER.
ReplyDeleteTom didn't know how to react to the pressure, it kept coming, he hadn't seen it all year. Hopefully he is scarred.