Friday, October 3, 2008

The Worst Sentence I've Ever Read

Why I am visiting MLB.com lately to get playoff updates, I don't know. Maybe I like awful writing (which might explain my current job). Or maybe I'm cynical enough to deliberately visit it to get more material. I read this sentence, shook my head cartoonishly, read the sentence again, readjusted the prescription on the contacts I don't wear, and then started cussing.

Parse this, folks:

Still, for all the credit given to Ramirez for the Dodgers' turnaround this year -- and, of course, he homered again in this game, his MLB postseason record 26 and counting -- Torre has insisted that pitching won in October when he was leading the Yankees and it would be just as critical for the Dodgers.

I count six ideas jammed into one sentence, and I had to read 30 words till I found the subject and verb to even figure out what the hell was going on. Pronouns and punctuations are being abused with abandon. Shouldn't that be "26th" instead of "26"?

First reader to diagram that correctly, and email it to us gets a dollar in the mail. Put your address in the e-mail if you want the dollar. You can use PO Boxes. Employees of FJM and their subsidiaries are not eligible. And I said first reader, CHart: you're not eligible for this contest.

I'll really mail you a dollar.

PS. Go Cubs Go!
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11 comments:

  1. AnonymousOctober 3, 2008 at 9:17 AM

    I never knew Sarah Palin wrote for MLB.com!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousOctober 3, 2008 at 10:36 AM

    I counted two ideas: Manny Ramirez is good and Joe Torre likes pitching. Easy enough.

    ReplyDelete
  3. dan-bobOctober 3, 2008 at 11:02 AM

    kclock:

    lolz!

    CHart:

    :(


    cb:
    Ideas jumbled into this sentence:

    1. Manny has been given a lot of credit for the Dodgers' turnaround
    2. Manny has the postseason record for home runs.
    3. Torre was once manager of the Yankees and he had pitching then and it was important.
    4. Even though he's with the Dodgers, he maintains that pitching is important.
    5. The general public might be misled into thinking that Manny is the sole reason for the Dodgers' turnaround, when actually it's pitching.
    6. Torre is not misled like the general public; he is an expert manager.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AlexOctober 3, 2008 at 11:39 AM

    Danbob,

    Shouldn't you be working at 11:02 AM on a Friday?

    You know, teaching kids to diagram sentences, read David Foster Wallace, and generally be sad?

    Just saying.

    ReplyDelete
  5. CitizenXOctober 3, 2008 at 1:05 PM

    Not sure if this was why you left the comment, but David's wife found him a couple weeks ago.

    He hanged himself.

    He was a professor at my school.

    ReplyDelete
  6. dan-bobOctober 3, 2008 at 1:08 PM

    'gelo: don't worry. I am.

    X: Did you know him? Did you ever take one of his classes?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Chris WOctober 4, 2008 at 7:43 AM

    This is going to be the ugliest, saddest thing ever posted on this blog:

    Still(subordinating conj.), for(prep) all (adj) the (art.) credit (obj of prep.) given (active verb with understood subject) to (prep) Ramirez (obj. of prep) for(prep) the (art.) Dodgers' (adj.) turnaround (obj. of prep) this (demonstrative pronoun w/in adjectival phrase) year (noun component of compound adjectival phrase) --(interjective appositive) and (coordinating conj.), of course(interjection), he(subj. pronoun) homered (verb) again (adv.) in (prep) this (adv) game (obj of prep), (beginning of appositive) his (adj) MLB (adj) postseason (adj) record (adj) 26 (noun) and counting (adj. phrase) -- Torre (MAIN SUBJECT) has insisted (MAIN V...past participle) that (coordinating demonstrative pronoun) pitching (subject of secondary independent clause) won (Main V of secondary independent clause) in (adjectival preposition) October (object of prep) (beginning of adverbial clause--->) when (adv modifying "won") he (subj of adverbial clause) was leading (past imperfect) the (Art.) Yankees (direct object of adv. clause, end of adverbial clause) and (coordinating conjunction--should be a comma here) it (subject pronoun of tertiary independent clause....refers to "pitching") would be (subjunctive verb of tertiary independent clause) just(adv. mod. PA) as (comparative) critical (predicate adjective) for (prep) the (art) Dodgers(obj. of prep).

    ReplyDelete
  8. dan-bobOctober 5, 2008 at 11:46 AM

    Well done, sir!

    Where should I mail your dollar?

    ReplyDelete
  9. AngeloOctober 5, 2008 at 11:57 AM

    seems to be a case of mistaken identity- my comment, dan-bob, is "I'm not one of your six-year-olds"
    aka don't give me homework

    ReplyDelete
  10. Chris WOctober 5, 2008 at 2:19 PM

    I'm not a "reader" so i don't qualify.'

    I neither want nor deserve your dollar. I did it for the love of grammar

    ReplyDelete
  11. dan-bobOctober 5, 2008 at 2:27 PM

    'gelo: Whoops. My bad.

    CW: Whoops. You're right, you're an employee.

    /wipes egg from face. throws it at ah.

    ReplyDelete