Tuesday, May 6, 2008

A Blow-up Doll in the Locker Room? Cancel the World Series!

Carol Slezak chimes in for the benefit of all things vagina.

White Sox blew it by allowing sexist shrine

Blew what? Monday's game? The season? Your own personal level of respect for the White Sox?

(One, and only one, of those three are correct.)

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen curses this city for failing to give the Sox organization proper respect, but he has no problem with the infantile and sexist "shrine" his players erected in their locker room.

What a double-standard! Ozzie wants the city to respect a baseball team, but has no moral problems with the players goofing around in the clubhouse by (sort-of) copying a gag from the movie Major League! 25 guys in their 20's and 30's trying to keep their spirits up by using sex-related humor? Forbidden! Why the hell is this turning into such a big deal?

Designed to help the team break out of its slump, the shrine featured two female blow-up dolls surrounded by ''strategically placed'' baseball bats and was accompanied by a sign that read, ''You've Got To Push,'' Canada's National Post reported.

OK yeah, this is immature, but come the fuck on. This shouldn't piss off anyone but the blow-up dolls.

''A few of the bats were doing naughty things,'' Sun-Times beat writer Joe Cowley wrote in his blog. Apparently one of the dolls was propped up by a bat in its rear end. Whether the lewdness was intentional or not, this was inappropriate. As were the blow-up dolls. Period.

Says Carol Slezak, Ultimate Goddess of Clubhouse Morality. Hear ye, hear ye! Thou shalt not place wooden batting instruments up the poopshoot of an inanimate object!

Neither Guillen, his players nor anyone else in the Sox organization had attempted to conceal the shrine from reporters before the Sox played the Blue Jays on Sunday at Toronto's Rogers Centre.

This is the only problem with the incident. Letting the idiot media get a hold of it so that they could make a big deal out of it. The team just lost 4 straight games to the Toronto Blue Jays. They scored 5 fucking runs. Let's talk about blow-up dolls, which are the real issue.

And on Monday, Guillen defended the display (which had since been taken down), rationalizing that the team treats female reporters respectfully, and besides, he has seen a lot worse during his big-league career. So what's the big deal, anyway?

These might be the most rational thoughts to ever emanate from Ozzie Guillen's mouth. Thank you Ozzie. Look Carol, they're a bunch of young guys. This shit is going to happen. You really think that the locker room of every sports team isn't chalk-full of sexist humor?

Apparently the sensitivity training classes Guillen attended after using a gay slur in 2006 did not include a segment on blow-up dolls.

Bud Selig, this is a problem! Why the hell didn't you make sure Ozzie Guillen got a lecture on blow-up dolls for calling Jay Mariotti a fag? What a load of malarkey....

Just so we're clear, had there been any female reporters working Sunday's game -- my understanding is there weren't -- the Sox could have found themselves in legal trouble as a result of the display.

And so would have begun the Canadian Version of the Supreme Court case of Women who can't take a joke v Chicago White Sox

It's also possible male reporters were offended by the display.

Possible....how? What thing with a penis would give a damn about that?

But this isn't about reporters' feelings.

Coulda fooled me thus far.

Reporters are conduits to the fans. What a team does behind closed doors is its own business. But once the locker room opens, the franchise is on public display. So, how do you like your team now, Sox fans?

I uh....I guess I'd be upset they just lost 4 straight games to the Toronto Blue Jays, a team no better than "meh" despite possibly having the best pitching in the American League. Now they're in 2nd place, and I'm displeased with them.

Do you think the players respect women? I'm not so sure about that.

FINE. Okay? FINE. The White Sox are currently in motherfucking last place in the "respecting women" standings. Dead last in the AL Central. They're 65 SJB (Sexist jokes back) of the Kansas City Royals. No one ever thinks they're going to win the World Series of Morality ever again. Now if we could just get back to the fact that Jesse Litsch made the White Sox look downright foolish on Saturday....

Can you imagine the Yankees or Red Sox building a similar shrine in their locker room, in full view of clubhouse visitors? Can you imagine Joe Girardi or Terry Francona allowing that to happen? I can't.

Why did you have to say "Yankees or Red Sox"? Why? Can't you say like "Diamondbacks or Mariners"? Is there some sort of standard for conduct that the Red Sox and Yankees set for the entire league? Are those teams known for their clean knock-knock jokes or something? Oh wait, no, I've got it. Yankees and Red Sox clubhouses have blow-up dolls of women that are wearing full-blown business suits and are getting a promotion from a nearby CEO blow-up doll (which may or may not be female). And whenever a player walks by the doll, he looks at it with earnest eyes and says....

"I respect you as my equal."

While Guillen has no problem with the shrine, he has definite issues with where the Sox rank in this two-team baseball city. His Sunday sermon proved that.

The manager's more concerned about the success of the organization than sex jokes! Fire him!

That's not to let the players off the hook. Who among them thought this was a good idea? How could the so-called team leaders -- Paul Konerko, Jim Thome, Mark Buehrle, Orlando Cabrera and Nick Swisher -- allow this this to happen?

They want the team to do well, so they're trying to lift the team's spirits? They're doing whatever they feel is necessary to turn the team around, Carol. If they think that'll get the positive waves going, let them do it. Who gives a shit?

To think there wasn't a single player man enough to stand up and say, ''This is wrong.''

That man is Alexei Ramirez. Unfortunately, he was not allowed to travel to Canada with the team.

There's also rumors that Scott Linebrink was complaining about it, but everyone just laughed him out of the clubhouse for being a pussy.

I'm sure the players' moms, wives, sisters and daughters are really proud of them. Way to go, guys.

I'm sure none of them give a shit. And I mean it.

And just so we're clear, the tired ''boys will be boys'' excuse no longer works.

Do you have a reason for that? Are you Supreme Arbiter for Human Morality Affairs? Seriously, who the fuck are you to say these things?

Side note: You loooooooooooove the "And just so we're clear" phrase. Keep repeating it! It makes you sound like you have some sort of justification for things you say! It's making you a stronger writer by the second!

But it starts at the top. I'm pretty sure Guillen was born without a sensitivity chip, but what about general manager Ken Williams and chairman Jerry Reinsdorf?

I think it's funny that Carol here (can't remember your last name by now, because you're a no-name writer who probably blames that on men being promoted over you) feels that GM Kenny Williams and owner Jerry Reinsdorf have "monitor clubhouse sex jokes" in their job description.

What about commissioner Bud Selig, who ordered Guillen's 2006 sensitivity training? Verbal or not, intended or not, the blow-up doll shrine said a mouthful about how the Sox organization views women. And I don't like what I heard.

You're only fooling yourself if you think Major League Baseball players on any other teams are any different towards women.

10 comments:

  1. I'll show her a mouthful

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  2. I think the biggest mistake that was made here, was to let it get out they had a blow up doll in the locker room. I bet Carol would have a heart attack if she heard the poll that said like 75% of athletes have cheated on their wives. I am not sure where I got that number, but I did read it somewhere.

    Regardless, she is fucking retarded (I don't mean to offend mentally/physically handicapped individuals by comparing her to them) if she thinks this is the worst that goes on in the locker room. I bet she is a real pain in the ass to be with at a bachelorette party.

    Here's why she wrote this article, and remember this is the type of shit we get from "journalists" that Buzz was speaking about. She wrote the article because she could not think of anything else to write about and this was easy.

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  3. This just in: Ozzie Guillen is a Neanderthal. This sort of thing sounds right up his alley (erm, no pun intended).

    Not the smartest thing to do from a PR standpoint, and I have to wonder why no one took a moment to realize that someone would make a big deal out of it. But hey, this is the guy you have managing your team. He believes in "small ball" and "blow up doll psychology."

    He will be fired one day for believing in the latter. He should've been fired long ago for believing in the former.

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  4. People need to lighten the fuck up.

    It's a baseball team, not the West Wing.

    "The blow up doll says a lot how the Sox organization views women."

    Because some young ball players screwed around with a blow up doll, the entire White Sox organization is sexist and loves to degrade actual, flesh-and-bones women.

    I think this is another thing they trach in J-school: How to make a big deal out of absolutely nothing.

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  5. What's interesting is that in her outrage that the club would embarrass fans with that sort of behavior, its only the reporting of the behavior that exposes fans to it. Its not like fans have locker room access. That said, having a baseball bat shoved up the ass of a blowup doll is pretty bad. I think its fair game to criticize the article since I didn't find it to be well written, but I agree with the actual sentiment behind it.

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  6. Sounds to me like she has a stick shoved up her ass to me.

    It's the same thing here with the media as when A Rod opted out of his contract with the Yankees. When A Rod opted out, Peter Gammons and the entire ESPN crew were freaking out saying what a classless move it was. She is doing the same thing, saying that she can't believe how classless the White Sox are and how this is a bad example for the fans. If these two events were so heinous then why the fuck did you report them? I realize they are news but everything that goes on in the locker room does not get reported. I don't know if Konerko whips Contreras with a towel after every win, so I don't need to know this either. ESPN acted like they HAD to report A Rod opting out of his contract when they very well could have sat on the story until that night's SportsCenter.

    I just think it is funny when the news reporters bitch and moan about events they themselves chose to report.

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  7. That was my initial reaction too, but in her defense it was already reported on by others. If the initial reports were as critical as her article is, then I don't see any need for her to weigh in. But if they just reported the scene without judgment (unlikely), I don't have a problem with her criticizing the team. I'm not going to search the other articles out to check, but I'm guessing she was just piling on, which only brings more attention to something that should be ignored.

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  8. Carol Slezak is sexist and demeans women.

    By implying that the way the "White Sox" treat a blowup doll has any correlation with the way the organization views women, she is UNEQUIVOCALLY equating women and blow up dolls.

    And I don't know about you guys, but I don't want a reporter who treats objects as women.

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  9. "chalk-full"? really?

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  10. @citizenx: Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man!

    Erm, carry on...

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