here we go again...

Ugh, I guess it's time to make fun of Page 2's Jemele Hill again. Sure, criticizing Hill is like playing 1-on-1 hoops against a quadriplegic, but someone has to put those cocky cripples in their place. When Hill isn't writing pop culture laden puff pieces supported by no statistics or facts, she's writing about how black athletes get no respect. In Jemele's world, everyone is racist: the media, fans, sportswriters, owners, the IRS, and corporations. Now Jemele wants to know why everybody doesn't want to crucify Rick Ankiel after how Barry Bonds has been treated.

Race should be injected into a conversation judiciously and sometimes, slowly. So before I explain how the coverage and reaction to Rick Ankiel's alleged misdeeds represent racial bias at its worst, I need to first disclose a few things.

I don't support Barry Bonds. I believe he took steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs. Nevertheless, he deserves to be in the Hall of Fame and any talk of placing asterisks next to his accomplishments is just flat-out silly.

Although Bonds never tested positive for steroids, I don't just think he took steroids. I know he did, and so does Jemele. Or she should, at least. A grown man in his 30s does not rapidly grow several shoe and hat sizes unelss he

1.) Has acromegaly, a rare genetic condition that made Andre the Giant, well, a giant. It also prohibits atheletic conditioning, makes you taller, and takes your life at a very young age.

2.) Takes a shitload of steroids.

I'm gonna go with option #2 here. Call me crazy, but before you imply that Bonds has been treated differently despite the fact that we "only think" he took steroids, we need to realize that both men took growth supplements commonly used in sports doping.

But if there was any question about whether Bonds was treated differently because he is African-American, it was answered last week with Ankiel, a feel-good story that looks to be a tall tale.

Actually, nothing about race was answered here. At all. Ankiel's story is a week old. We have no idea how he will be treated down the road by fans or the media. Accusations about Bonds have been around for years.

A double standard the size of Bonds' head is being exercised with Ankiel, whose involvement with a human growth hormone scandal is being rationalized by some fans and members of the media.

And some fans and members of the media have rationalized Bonds' steroid use. What's your point?

I get that Bonds is far more talented and accomplished than Ankiel, and therefore creates far more media coverage. I also get that, to some degree, this is a popularity contest, since public perception is that Ankiel is considered more likable than Bonds. But what I don't get is the spin being put on Ankiel's alleged HGH use.

So Jemele understands the reasons that Bonds has been accused and slandered so harshly? She's right: he's unlikable, hated even. He also holds one of the most revered records in American sports, and is a shoo-in for the Hall of Fame. What about Ankiel? The only record he owns is highest OPS by a former pitcher who got injured and wandered around the Minors only to come back and be a productive member of a big league team. Not quite as historic as most Home Runs ever. Plus Ankiel seems like a pretty cool guy. So when Jemele said that any questions about race involving Bonds were answered, she was lying.

I don't get how people, with a straight face, can make Ankiel's use of HGH seem heroic, but treat Bonds like a war criminal. I've been as tough on Bonds as anyone, but at least I'm consistent. I don't support Bonds and certainly not what seems to me to be a fraudulent comeback by Ankiel.

Who said that Ankiel was being heroic? I'm not denying her claim, I'm just genuinely curious where she is getting this from. According to Jemele, "some people" think Ankiel is "justified" in "heroically taking HGH." How about a quote? Or an article? Or anything at all besided hearsay? Is that too much to ask for?*

But if you are one of those people who swears that race has nothing to do with the Bonds backlash, the treatment of Ankiel is an enormous setback to your argument.

Hmmmmmm. But I though Ankiel was a likeable guy who isn't one of the greatest baseball players of all time? Surely that has to come into play here.

let's look at this like it's a scientific study. We have three variables: Likeability, Historical Importance, and Race. The results of said study are how the player is treated by fans and the media.

With Bonds, we have:

Likeability: Essentially None.
Historical Importance: One of the Greatest Players of All Time
Race: Black (although he listens to Celine Deion, so who knows really?)
Result of study: Almost universally loathed as an athlete due to steroids

Now Ankiel:

Likeability: Most people seem to think he's a pretty cool dude.
Historical Importance: Pretty darn good in 150 ABs this season. A failure as a pitcher
Race: White (although he hits the ball pretty darn hard, so who knows really?)
Result of study: People are sucking him off left and right even though he took HGH (let's give Jemele the benefit of the doubt here)

You can't change all three variables and then be like "AHA, IT'S BECAUSE BONDS IS BLACK. DAMN WHITEY ALWAYS TRYING TO BRING THE BROTHAS DOWN WHILE LETTING THE CRACKAS GET AWAY WITH MURDER."

That would be just be bad Journalism.

Consider the evidence: Bonds was connected to BALCO. Ankiel is connected to Signature, a disreputable pharmacy under investigation for illegally distributing performance-enhancing drugs to a bevy of professional athletes.

We get it. They both took unnatural substances.

The New York Daily News reported Ankiel received eight shipments of HGH in 2004 -- a year before Major League Baseball put it on its banned substances list. This supposedly exonerates Ankiel from any wrongdoing. Bonds also took HGH and steroids before they were banned by MLB, but you can bet Ankiel won't be booed at ballparks or have syringes thrown at him.

ANKIEL. ISN'T. NEARING. THE. MOST. REVERED. SPORTS. RECORD. IN. AMERICA.

If you can't believe Bonds didn't "knowingly" take performance-enhancing drugs, why would you ever believe Ankiel stopped taking a banned substance that MLB can't test for or that taking HGH had nothing to do with his miraculous major league comeback?

This sentence is terrible. Seriously, read it again. ---- Can't --- didn't ---- knowingly --- can't --- nothing -- miraculous comeback? That's like a septuple negative. I think that she's really asking "if you can't believe that Bonds didn't not take drugs on purpose, only to not not have broken the home run record, can't you not believe that Ankiel isn't amazing for not retreating back from late retirement thanks to HGH, only to have not become a not-that-great homerun hitter?" The answer is of course yes. Duh Jemele, you stupid bint.

Ankiel's explanation is as shaky as Idaho Senator Larry Craig's, and certainly no better than what Bonds offered.

Wow, Jemele, I'm proud of you. You didn't make an awkward, unfunny pop culture reference until almost halfway through your column. Baby steps, sure, but we're getting there.

Ankiel claimed he was prescribed HGH to recover faster from his reconstructive elbow surgery. Shockingly, I've heard sports talk radio hosts and others in the media sanction this excuse and they've even gone so far as to say Ankiel's use of HGH was necessary to maintain his health. Tell me we're not naive enough to believe athletes are taking HGH just for the health benefits. They're not going to risk their reputation, careers and freedom for a beefed-up version of Neosporin.

Neosporin heals infections. HGH promotes muscle and ligament growth. Get your medical references right.

They take HGH because while it assists with injuries, it also makes them stronger and more potent, and therefore better at their sport.

There is no proof that HGH, or even steroids, makes hitters better. Stronger, sure. Faster, maybe. But there is so much that goes into hitting. Making a logical jump like that is nothing short of foolish.

If Ankiel's possession of HGH was above board, why did he have it shipped to him at a separate facility, which coincidentally also is under investigation for illegally
supplying HGH and steroids?

Probably because he knew he would get in trouble for using HGH here. I'm not making excuses for Ankiel. But the whole point of your column was to show how Americans are racist, not if Ankiel was being honest here.

Commissioner Bud Selig had no problem insinuating Bonds' guilt through passive-aggressive behavior during the home run chase, but he hasn't said a word about Ankiel, Troy Glaus or Jay Gibbons -- the other players who have been implicated in this HGH scandal. The commissioner just wants to "talk" to Ankiel, Glaus and Gibbons at some point about HGH. I'm sure Jason Giambi will serve the coffee.

Ho ho ho ho. Good one. When did Selig say anything about Bonds' steroid use in connection with the home run record? Here's a clue: he didn't.

If you struggle to understand why busloads of black people show up outside a courthouse with "Free Vick" signs and T-shirts, the free pass Ankiel has received should explain it.

I personally think Vick may have been punished more than he should have been, but let's be honest here. Vick killed dogs, Ankiel took HGH.

It's not that African-Americans fail to recognize when someone black has done something wrong. It's that white athletes are usually given the benefit of the doubt when they're associated with trouble -- even when common sense and evidence dictate otherwise -- and African-Americans feel if they don't provide some semblance of fairness with their athletes, no one else will.

We get it Jemele. You're black. You're a woman. And you write for ESPN. And now all the sudden you speak for the entire black population of the united states, because you know that all black people everywhere live their lives wondering if they can get fair treatment in life, when one black athlete isn't treated exactly the same as a white athlete. Jemele is so out of touch that she still uses "african american," even though that terminology has been passe for years.

Yet many of them can't do the same when it comes to white athletes who look just as guilty as Bonds and Vick.

Roger Clemens' late-career spike and body changes are just as suspicious as Bonds, and Clemens' name surfaced in Jose Canseco's book. But any mention of that is considered sacrilege.

Says who?

Pete Rose committed the worst sin a professional athlete can and some fans still want him back in baseball, and the Hall of Fame. But Bonds' records should be wiped clean?

Some fans. Some fans. Some fans. Some sports fans also think the Patriots are Classy, Barry Bonds should be universally adored, and that the Red Sox are nothing like the Yankees in their free agent acquisitions.

Not a soul has called for Glaus, who the Daily News said received several shipments of testosterone and nandrolone, to return his World Series MVP. No one is saying the nine home runs and 29 RBIs Ankiel has hit since being called up from the minors last month shouldn't count. Some fans already have decided that deception and dishonesty shouldn't get in the way of their heart-warming story.

There you go. No racism in your point. It's a heartwarming story. Bonds' story is not heart warming.

But now that golden boy Ankiel has been caught, something tells me people will be much more eager to talk sensibly about performance-enhancing drugs. They certainly weren't willing to talk about it when Bonds' king-sized head was on the chopping block.

I have two words for Jemele Hill: Shawn Merriman. Her whole point is essentially disproved by looking at Merriman. He's more hated than Ankiel, thanks to that retarded "lights out" shit. He's a more prominent name than Ankiel. He's also a 2 time probowler who may be headed for the NFL Hall Of Fame. Oh, and he's a little blacker than Ankiel. And the media and most fans don't give a shit that he used steroids.

Go back to writing "Oh no, you didn't, GIRLFRIEND" columns to Danica Patrick and interviewing the Men's Curling team in the back of a '77 pinto. There's plenty of racism in American sports, but you couldn't make a decent, relevant point about it if your life depended on it.

*yes, yes it is too much to ask for.