post #3 about why bill simmons annoys the crap out of me

look, i don't hate the sports guy. first of all, he's a very good writer. his references and jokes are repetitive, but whose aren't? in general he keeps things pretty entertaining. and when i read his stuff most of the time it feels like something written by a buddy of mine, not a hoity toity self important holier-and-smarter-than-thou jackass. he can come off a little cocky but it's a down to earth cocky, not a "i have a sportswriting job so i'm smarter than you" cocky. hard to explain what i mean, but hopefully you can get the gist. furthermore, he writes a ton- something new by him usually appears about 3 times a week on espn.com. that's pretty good.

so then, you may be asking, why does he make his way onto firejaymariotti so often? the answer is simple: wasted potential. simmons manages to take all that good stuff i wrote about him in the last paragraph and totally and completely ruin it with blatant and annoying "bostonism". i cannot freaking stand it. i don't know how or if you can rate the popularity of sports columnists, but i think it's safe to say simmons (as of now, in 2007) is wildly popular across the entire country. yes, he grew up and started his career in boston. yes, he used to be "the boston sports guy." but you know what? he's not anymore. he took the word boston out. he's national now. don't get me wrong- that doesn't mean he shouldn't give the teams he knows and cares the most about a little special attention from time to time. but that's not what he does. in fact, except for during the MLB, NBA, and NFL playoffs, he for the most part completely and totally refuses to acknowledge the presence of teams not located in boston or new york. to me, that is wrong. the guy isn't a "hard" analyst, i know. but he consistently makes no effort whatsoever to learn or write about anything but the patriots, red sox, and celtics. and like i already said, this pisses me off because he's a pretty good writer who could be 50 times as interesting if he would just branch out more often. i know espn as a whole is responsible for this as well. but seriously... i'm done ranting. check out these excerpts from the chat he did on monday.

about halfway through, after tons of questions about the sopranos, all time great NBA teams, and (of course) the celtics, we have this poor guy:

Seth (Cleveland, OH): Will you be taking any baseball questions today? (Other then about the Red Sox?)

Bill Simmons: Fire away! I'm ready.

ok bill, you sound excited for this topic. let's see what you've got for us. tragically here are the next three fucking questions he takes:

Paul (dublin): Does the Julio Lugo era make you feel any differently about the Theo Epstein era in Boston? Is there anything more inexplicable than Epstein's ability to strike gold with minor signings AND screw up every major singing over the last few years?

Jeremy (NYC): Has Dice-K lived up to your expectations?

Matt (Medford, MA): All laughing and pointing aside, does the prospect of "2007 AL Wild Card: The New York Yankees" scare you in a playoff situation? The Yanks appear to be the only team right now that can smack around Beckett and Schilling, and have had at least 1 comeback against the Okajima/Pap combo.

right. great. so what happened here? did bill not read what seth from cleveland put in parentheses? i'd better stop using those things so much. was he being sarcastically enthusiastic when he said "fire away, i'm ready" while devilishly thinking to himself "screw you, no one cares about the indians or whoever the hell your team is?" is that it? i wish i knew. whatever it was, rest assured that with simmons' popularity, there were PLENTY of non red sox questions available. bill just either didn't know how to answer them, or more likely, didn't care. here's the next baseball related question, about 15 minutes later:

jon (vegas): so who is screening these questions? i am 0-4 today and feeling alot like JD Drew!!

and nothing again until

Tim (Scottsdale, AZ): It was a sad spectacle this weekend, seeing all the bandwagon Sox fans at the Diamondbacks game in their brand new hats and jerseys with the tags still on them. What are your thoughts on being the trendy team now?

finally, about 5 questions from the end, presumably just out of pity to the few people still submitting questions who don't care about the sox or yankees:

David (Milwaukee): Any thoughts on the Brewers this year? You've been to this city and we are ready for a playoff appearance. I think downtown may be unbelieveable come fall if the Crew is making their first playoff appearance in 25 years. Plus, Prince Fielder has to be the front-runner for NL MVP at this point.

Bill Simmons: They're not roping me in until Bernie Brewer starts jumping into the beer mug again.

thanks bill. so kind of you. there you have it brewers fans: don't count anyone in on your team's bandwagon until the mascot starts jumping into the beer mug again (whatever the hell that refers to).

like i've already said, it's not that simmons is terrible. he's a good storyteller and he makes his points pretty well most of the time. all i'm saying- is it too much to ask for him to actually do what many normal national columnists do, and write about sports on the national level? evidently so. tune in next week when i bitch and moan about his impending article about who the celtics should take with the 5th pick in the NBA draft, and how randy moss is doing in patriots training camp.

final side note: of the 118 questions/comments published in this chat, only 63.5 of them (54%) were about sports. (the other 46% were about the sopranos, misc. pop culture, and his podcast/the chat itself). of those 63.5, only 40 were about non-boston sports. that's 36% of the total if you're keeping track at home... man, that pisses me off. wasted potential.