Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Bill Simmons Went Through the Trouble to Write Something

Is he sure he couldn't just handle this with a podcast? He could get Klosterman AND Seth Meyers on it. And maybe Cousin Sal, the only person in the world worse at gambling on football than Bill himself.

When I was falling in love with football in the mid-'70s,

When I was busy only paying attention to the Patriots if they were undefeated, the Red Sox were out of contention, and the Celtics hadn't started their season yet,

my beloved Patriots

Careful Patriots! Make sure to always have interesting players- otherwise Bill will start ignoring you for not being compelling, like he did with the 2010 Red Sox who just happened to also not be in playoff contention.

played in the AFC East. There were 28 teams and six divisions by 1976, which meant one division in each league had just four teams instead of five. Teams earned a playoff spot by winning their division or grabbing the one wild-card slot, which eliminated the '77 Pats: they finished 9-5, one game behind division rivals Miami and Baltimore. Meanwhile, the AFC Central shook out like this:

Pittsburgh, 9-5
Cincinnati, 8-6
Houston, 8-6
Cleveland, 6-8

I remember bristling at the standings. Wait a second. We finished 9-5 and the Steelers finished 9-5. We were in a more difficult division

Already debunked over on KSK- the East had two 3-10 teams that year. BUT WE WAR TOUGHAH! SOUTHIE TOUGH!

with more teams.


But THEY made the playoffs???


Granted, I probably would have loved it had the Patriots not been stuck in the AFC East. The Dolphins kicked our butts through the '70s (the Griese/Shula Era) and '80s (when Dan Marino showed up), which was especially galling because Miami is located in Florida ... which, of course, is nowhere near Massachusetts.

Massachusetts, of course, being the very definition of "east." If you're not near it, you're not in the east. South Carolina? Out. Newfoundland? Nice try!

Buffalo eventually assumed control of the division, ripping off 124 wins from 1988 to 1999 -- let's take a break while the tortured Bills fans solemnly pour a 40 on the ground -- and just as they were fading, Peyton Manning's Colts jelled into a contender. My Pats finally caught a break before the 2002 season,

Fresh off of catching one of the greatest breaks in NFL playoff history in the famous tuck rule game (January 2002). Of course, the guys on the bad side of that break were the Raiders, and fuck the Raiders in the face, so I'm fine with it. I'm just saying.

when the league expanded and realigned to eight divisions (sending Indy to the AFC South).

Well that makes so much more geographical sense than having a team in Miami in the eastern division.

The playing field finally seemed fair: 32 teams, four teams per division. What could go wrong?

Classic Simmons. Are you ready for him to knock you over with a feather? The answer to his question: EVERYTHING.

Fast-forward to 2010: Have you checked out the NFC West lately?

By my calculations, San Francisco (I have them ranked 23rd), Seattle (25th), Arizona (27th) and St. Louis (30th) are four of the league's worst 10 teams.

I love the logic here. Bill's power rankings show that these are four of the ten worst teams in the league: therefore, they are four of the ten worst teams in the league. Put logically: A. Therefore, A. Larry B's magic computer machine shows that Bill Simmons is 54% more of a doucheknob than the average sportswriter. Therefore, we can objectively conclude that you get the idea.

So far, their only victories have come against one another.

At the time this was written, yes. Then the four teams in the division went 3-1 last Sunday against teams from other divisions. Lolz.

Seahawks (1-1): Won nine games total in 2008 and 2009, overpaid a college coach, gutted their team and somehow ended up with the league's fifth-highest payroll ($138.8 million). Throw in a general Washington sports malaise -- the Mariners might lose 100 games, the Zombie Sonics look like a title contender,

It's been two and a half years. I don't think the success of the Thunder is ruining many days in Seattle anymore. BUT BILL TOOK UP THAT CAUSE AND HE'LL BE DAMNED IF HE'S GOING TO GIVE IT UP. BUCKY FACKIN' DENT IS A CUNTNOZZLE AND I'LL NEVAH FOHGIVE HIM!

Kevin Durant flashed GOAT potential in Turkey, the Jake Locker Heisman Bandwagon careened off I-5 and flipped 35 times and the state's two biggest sports highlights of the past three years involved the WNBA and MLS -- and it's hard to imagine the Hawks winning more than six games.

They're now 2-1, and their fans were going batshit during their win against the Chargers on Sunday. A fanbase with nothing else to cheer for is MORE likely to get behind a mediocre NFL team, not less. Just ask Texans fans.

You can't overstate how devastating the Sonics/Durant double whammy has been for Seattle fans.

You do. All the time.

Rams (0-2): Losers of 15 straight NFC West games, 11 straight divisional home games and 44 of their past 50 games.

Winners against a half-decent Redskins team on Sunday.

Cardinals (1-1):

Beating the Raiders at home on a last second missed field goal is nothing to write home about, but 2-1 is 2-1. And this is the part where my hardnosed sidekick Mike Ditka says IN THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE YOU ARE WHAT KIND OF FOOTBALL TEAM YOUR FOOTBALL RECORD SAYS YOU ARE.

(Quick tangent: Kurt Warner's new TV career led to the funniest subplot of the 2010 season, when Cardinals fans subjected themselves to "Dancing With the Stars" and prayed that Warner would be the worst star -- that way, he'd get voted off first and might get talked into a comeback -- only Margaret Cho, David Hasselhoff and The Situation were

Too long, didn't read. Probably not in the top 50 funniest subplots of the 2010 season. #1 is Ocho Cinco and T.O. playing on the same team. #2 is everything Rex Ryan does. Nice of Bill to plug his boss's boss's show, though.

Niners (0-2):

OK, they're fucking terrible. Fine.

We may end up considering San Fran's 0-2 start an unfortunate hiccup. Then again, that scenario includes the Niners growing up into a real football team,

Oh God, now the football this/football that thing is happening in writing. You usually don't see that- it's mostly just Trent Dilfer and other dumbfucks on TV saying it out loud. It's spreading.

The 2010 NFC West could break the record for "fewest wins by a four-team division" (22 wins, previously held by the 2008 NFC West) and "lowest average wins per division team in NFL history" (5.5, also held by the NFC West).

I'm going to go way out on a limb with my math skills and say that if they break one of those records, they will break the other.

How pathetic would that be? Breaking your own record of historic incompetence?

More or less pathetic than breaking someone else's? Is that supposed to be obvious? Is there extra shame for breaking your own record? Does Mark Reynolds care? Sometimes rhetorical questions don't work when you're trying to make a non-obvious point?

Here's my question: Why create the potential of a 10-win team missing the playoffs just because we were obligated to include a sub-.500 team? The easiest solution: Any division champ that doesn't win eight games loses its guaranteed playoff spot. If you go 7-8-1, 7-7-2, 7-6-3, 6-6-4, whatever ... you're out.

Which has never happened. But OK.

I want eight victories. Minimum.

OK Dad. I'll be sure to help mom with the chores before I play video games.

Then again, you shouldn't sneak into the playoffs with eight wins just because you lucked out with a crappy division.

Nor should you get six free wins if you're the only good team in your crappy division when other teams in competitive divisions have to scrap for every single win. Bill often struggles with the idea that life isn't fair though, so I suppose it's no surprise he's on his soapbox about this.

A more radical (and fairer) solution: We shake things up starting in 2011 and create four eight-team divisions ...

AFC East: New England, New York, New York, Buffalo, Philly, Baltimore, Washington, Carolina.

AFC West: Oakland, San Francisco, San Diego, Seattle, Denver, Arizona, Kansas City, St. Louis.

NFC Central: Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Detroit, Cincinnati, Green Bay, Indianapolis, Chicago, Minnesota.

NFC South: Miami, Tampa Bay, Dallas, Houston, New Orleans, Tennessee, Atlanta, Jacksonville.


Geographically? Makes total sense. Finally. (Is there anything dumber than Baltimore being in the AFC Central but Miami being in the AFC East?)

I think I just answered that, Mr. Smarty Pants. Also, is Miami more central than Baltimore? Also, you know there's no AFC Central division, right?

For my revamped playoffs, the four division champs would earn byes for Round 1. Everything else would play out like it does now: 12 playoff teams, four rounds, winner takes all. And we'd never have to worry about a sub-.500 team getting 10-plus points at home in a first-round playoff game ever again.

That has never happened, but sure, I'm all for it never happening again.

(On second thought, it would be kinda fun to wager against Alex Smith or Derek Anderson in a playoff game.)

(Especially in a two-team teaser.)

(Forget I brought this up.)

You have spent much of the last four or five years showing all of America that you're fucking terrible at gambling on the NFL. Please don't end your only written column of the past six months with a "clever" gambling punchline. People picking winners would be better off flipping a coin than taking your advice.

To his credit, I looked at his week 3 picks and he cleaned up. Which, based on precedent, means he's due for a few 2-14ish weeks reeeeeeeeal soon.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Homage to the Hat

Just found out that HatGuy passed away Wednesday at age 61 after battling cancer.

(He did apparently wear the hat all the time.)

It's refreshing to see that, no matter your opinions on the quality of his work or thought, he put a lot of old-fashioned work into his prose. Seems as though he spent a lot of time doing what journalists should be doing - watching sports and crafting writing - instead of puffing himself up.

The comments on the article are some of the more considerate, articulate and grammatically sensible comments of any sports article I've seen. Considering the vitriol with which folks reacted after the downfall of Jay Mariotti a few weeks ago, it's good to see folks exercising some decency, and suggests that Mike's personality and writing earned him real respect.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Cognitive Dissonance: Bill Simmons Edition

From Simmons' recent revamping fantasy football column:

You're not gonna believe this, but when you play fantasy football, occasionally you might lose by three points. Keep it to yourself unless it's a one-of-a-kind defeat, like DeSean Jackson spiking a Monday night touchdown on the 1-yard line and costing every owner six points (and then they lose by five or less, which of course, happened to me, which is the only reason I remember that story). Or Westbrook turtling on the 1-yard line and costing someone a million-dollar Rich Guy league. (Yes, I know someone who lost a million dollars because of that play.)...Subjecting people to fantasy tales is like showing them Facebook photos. Yeah, they might be nodding, but they don't care. They don't.

Bill's most recent tweet:

This is me nodding.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Same Old Joe

Hello again Mr. Morgan. It sure is nice that you haven't given in to all the newfangled "sensible" ways of thinking about baseball. And it's especially nice that you remind everyone every week on Sunday Night Baseball. But.....

please, please, stop embarrassing yourself

Jeremy L (Philly): Hey Joe, I've been a big fan for a while. Could you please weigh in on the CC vs. King Felix for cy young debate?

Jeremy L (Philly) just asked a very innocent question and somehow just made Joe Morgan incredibly pissed off.

Joe Morgan: I think it's a joke to have that kind of debate.

I agree Joe....one of them has been significantly better than the other.

What Sabathia has done is be the best pitcher in the AL from opening day to this point.


I don't buy into the point that if Felix is pitching for someone else he'd have more wins.

Huh. You don't buy that. Interesting.

New York Yankees Runs Scored: 778, best in Major League Baseball
Seattle Mariners Runs Scored: 469, worst in Major League Baseball

Let me repeat. The Seattle Mariners have scored 469 runs. That's 37 less than the Pittsburgh Pirates. The Oakland Athletics, who batted fucking Kurt Suzuki and his .242/.305/.366 line 3rd all season until they realized that this didn't cut it, so they promoted Mark Ellis to the 3rd spot in the order, have outscored the Seattle Mariners by a whopping 121 runs.

And Felix Hernandez wouldn't win more games somewhere else? Somewhere where he wouldn't take the loss 7 times for giving up 3 ER or fewer? Somewhere where he wouldn't get a no-decision 10 times for giving up 3 ER or fewer? Because those places exist Joe. They're called anywhere but motherfucking Seattle.

They said that about Cliff Lee when he left Seattle, but he's lost more than he's won since he left Seattle.

Because he's pitching worse.

The name of the game is to win and he's won.

Yes, he has, with the help of mediocre offensive talents like Robinson Cano, Alex Rodriguez, and Mark Teixeira. Sabathia just puts 'em all on his hefty back and drags them kicking and screaming to the 'W'.

And if you're looking at a second guy, it has to be David Price.

Who has thrown 80% of the innings of either of them.

And now, ladies and gentleman, here is my favorite line of any JoeChat ever.

It's amazing to me that we have let computers define him rather than performance.

A) No one even knows who you're talking about anymore. This is like your eleventeenth ambiguous "he"/"him" reference in this response, and we've got a ways to go.
B) It's amazing to me that you're letting CC's offense define him rather than his pitching. Same with Felix.
C) What the fuck?

His job is to win the game, not just pitch 5-6 innings.

Twelveteenth. Also, this doesn't make any sense at all. Felix Hernandez has thrown
more innings than CC Sabathia, if you were trying to claim that Felix isn't winning or something because he doesn't pitch deep into games. This is worthless.

I don't think there should be a debate between Felix and Sabathia.

And we're back to being in agreement.

This might have been the end of Joe's response. It was the end of the comment box containing his reply. However, this one ticked Joe off so much that he had to post a second comment in the chat containing the following:

There are a lot of examples where a pitcher pitches great on a bad team and then he gets traded to another team and he loses. A month and a half ago, they were saying the Cliff Lee was going to win the Cy Young Award and no one else was close. He gets traded to Texas and he hasn't won games and Texas is a better team than Seattle.

"There are a lot of examples where X. To prove just how many there are, I'm going to give you the same example I just gave you one paragraph ago."

This actually reminded me of the ginger episode of South Park where Cartman kept trying to think of red-headed celebrities and only could come up with Ron Howard.

Mark (Minnesota): How do you like theTwins chances of making it to the World Series if they continue to play good baseball like they have been playing. Also with the return of Justin Morneau to the lineup hopefully in the near future will only make them stronger in the hitting category.

Mark, you are about to get the least informative answer in hist---no...that's an exaggeration. This is, in fact, a JoeChat.

Joe Morgan: There is something about the Twins that leaves me wondering.

Interesting...what is it?

I don't know what it is.

Of course you don't.

They seem to do everything they're supposed to do. They pitch well, hit well, play defense.

Sounds like a great team to me! So what's wrong?

But there is something about them that keeps me wondering about if they can go all the way.

Hmmm...you mentioned that they are effective at the three things that comprise pretty much 100% of Major League Baseball (if you count "play defense" as a compliment), so I really don't see what you could be talking about....

There's just something there that I have questions about.

And neither do you....you're just making words and avoiding saying anything specific about the Twins, because you don't know anything about the Twins.

I don't think they can beat the Yankees in a short series, especially if the Yankees have the home field.

Wow, there you go Mark. Joe doesn't think that a team that hits well, pitches well, and "plays defense" can beat the New York Yankees in a short series. (I like how he uses "short series" almost as if its evidence to his point, because it's far easier for a bad team to beat a good team in a short series as opposed to a long one).

Tito (Brooklyn) What do you think about the conflict between Rasmus and LaRussa? Who has been in the wrong?

Joe Morgan: Well, I'm not close enough to the scene to make that kind of determination.

Joe, if you're not close to the scene, I must be in another fucking solar system. But this is an easy question to answer. Tony LaRussa is a fuckhat. A serious fuckhat. If you are a manager and have one of the best young players in major league baseball hitting .276/.361/.512 and you bench him for any reason besides injury, you should be fired. Immediately.

I had a long talk with Tony before our Sunday night game. I've known him a long time. He wasn't holding any grudges against Rasmus. Tony felt like it was his job to help a young player gain experience and understanding of what was expected from him. After a couple of meetings, they both got on the same page, but what happened was it was reported later that he had asked for a trade and Tony said he didn't ask for a trade.

I don't have a problem with any of this. I just don't understand how Joe can have all of these discussions with Mr. LaRussa and make the standard disclaimer that he's "not close to the scene".

Steve (Blacksburg, VA): What's your theory on the Rangers? Think they can hang in the playoffs?

Steve, that was a mistake. You are foolish to think that Joe has any theories on the Rangers.

Joe Morgan: If they have homefield advantage, I think it will really help them.

As opposed to the Tampa Bay Rays, for whom home field advantage would have about the same effect as James Shields and Evan Longoria contracting Rocky Mountain spotted fever.

I don't see them with their starting pitching being able to be the dominant team that they've been in the West.

Your up-to-the-minute ERAs of the best four hitters-park-pitching-in starters of the Texas Rangers:


Joe seems to have these Rangers confused with those from 2004. Now, back to the chat!

But as I've always said and I continue to believe, any team that gets into the playoffs can win the championship. If you get hot in that short period of time, you have a chance of winning.

That was a very Ranger-y, Ranger-specific thing to Ranger. Rangers!

The playoffs is a very short season.

That sentence just makes me smile. I don't see any better way to go out. Until next time!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

You Know What's Funny? Hair.

Fanhouse, Jay Mariotti's (presumably) erstwhile employer, has a lot of shitty writers. Shouldn't be surprising considering they hired Mariotti, but I think this article really helps drive home the point.

Take Adrian Peterson All Day, Every Day Over Chris Johnson

That's some nice nickname shoehornin'.

When it comes to the debate over who is the NFL's best runner, Adrian Peterson cannot carry Chris Johnson's hair products.

Chris Johnson has a lot of hair. Alright. Solid joke. Also, article's title and premise + its first sentence = ????

There is no doubt Tennessee's entry has the more fashionable hair.

Right, the hair thing again.

Those luxurious dreadlocks made him the first back in NFL history to gain 2,000 yards rushing while carrying 2,000 yards of hair last year.

That's a lot of hair! More hair jokes. Actually, that may not be a joke- there are something like 100,000 hairs on a human head, so yeah, multiply by length in feet, divide by 3, etc.

They also helped turn Johnson into the trendy pick as the greatest football toter on earth. At least one expert couldn't agree more.

"I'm the best back in the league," Johnson said. "He is not. I don't thinks it's close."

No hair jokes in here, just a typo.

He, of course, is Peterson, who started the latest round of debate last week when he proclaimed Johnson is not "faster, stronger, anything" than him.

Now it's up to Clay Travis and I to settle this argument. My venerable picking opponent is going with the trendy pick, probably because he wishes he had dreadlocks like Johnson.

Four hair jokes/references- this one a total BURRRRRRRRN on a fellow writer.

I'm comfortable with my boringly traditional 'do. Though I must admit there's more to like about Johnson that his hair.


He went to East Carolina, and it's always good to see a Pirate prove that NFL superstars can be found beyond the big-conference constellations. Johnson might not have even been drafted if Titans owner Bud "Comb-over" Adams

Oh for the love of God.

did not have such a keen eye for outstanding hair.

Sweet jumproping Jesus.

Johnson has quickly established himself as one of the NFL's best backs. He's just not better than Peterson.

I would definitively prove it through statistics, but you know how stats are more misleading than political attack ads. In this case they say Johnson gained about 700 more yards than Peterson last season.

I'm too busy picking on the hair bullshit to bother with the substance of this article (to the extent that any exists), but FWIW, Peterson's YPC 2009/career: 4.4/4.9. Johnson: 5.6/5.3. And then you can talk about offensive lines and yadda yadda.

What they don't say is how Johnson benefited from having Vince Young at quarterback. The Titans never knew if Young would be Superman or Lois Lane, so they had to make Johnson the offensive focal point.

Meanwhile in Minneapolis, Brett Favre rolled in and sucked half the life out of Peterson's rampaging career. That run-pass balance made the Vikings a better team, but it sure didn't enhance Peterson's fantasy value.

Johnson only averaged about three touches per game more than Peterson in 2009. BUT WHAT ABOUT HIS HAIR???

Any fantasy geek can tell you that you should always pick a runner from a Jeff Fisher-coached team. They have produced 12 1,000-yard runners since 1996, which was before the Oilers even moved to Nashville.

Any fantasy geek can tell you to always pick a Broncos running back, except when they suck, and then you shouldn't.

The Titans could dig up Johnny Cash and he'd gain 1,000 yards in their offense.

Too soon!

That doesn't mean Johnson is merely a product of the system. He is merely its latest and greatest beneficiary.

A distinction without a difference, but whatever. Let's talk hair.

But imagine if Peterson and Johnson switched teams. Their stats would probably flip, then this debate would come down to a tale of the tape:

Size --

Insert hacky joke about Johnson being smaller than Peterson.

Speed --

Insert claim that Peterson is one of the 15 fastest guys in the NFL, which is probably not true.

Intangibles -- Peterson spends his free time studying game film and baking cookies for orphans. Johnson spends his free time at the hair salon.


I'd be more analytical, but I'm afraid any sober analysis might not favor my guy. Despite having more moves, power and running instinct than Johnson, the public is currently wowed by the vision of his dreadlocks blurring through a secondary.


I just wish Fisher were Minnesota's coach instead of Brad Childress, who does not have a comb-over


but does have a thing for Favre.

Who doesn't? Besides 98% of all sports fans I talk to.

In the season-opening loss to at New Orleans, the Vikings' coach all but forgot No. 28 existed in the second half.

" 'Hey, give it to me,' " Peterson told him. " 'Feed me.' I don't know if he really heard me. But there's a lot to learn from this game."

Like if the Vikings would rely on Peterson the way Tennessee relies on Johnson, he'd settle this argument once and for all.

Johnson or Peterson?

The Titan loses by a hair.

Heh heh heh. By a "hair."

But at least it's stylish hair


Jay Faces 7 Years in the Clink


Mariotti, known for his unsparing commentary of athletes on ESPN's "Around the Horn," faces seven counts in all in connection with the domestic disturbance call last month at the couple's condominium near the Venice-Santa Monica border, said Frank Mateljian, spokesman for the Los Angeles city attorney's office.
Charges include two counts of domestic violence with injury, two counts of domestic violence, one count of grand theft, one count of false imprisonment and one count of vandalism. Each of the counts carries a maximum of a year in jail, meaning he could face up to seven years behind bars.

Hopefully he won't get the same preferential treatment those razza-frazza mollycoddled pro athletes he hates so much get.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Snap Hyperbole with Don Banks

From Don Banks Snap Judgments column:

Indy entered the game 15-1 against division rival Houston from 2002 on; and until the Texans manned up and handled the Colts, they were going to forever seem like the expansion club that couldn't quite shed that label.

With the rate of turnover in the NFL, I don't really know how much, if at all, the Texans players care about this sort of thing. However, it's certainly a very happy day for Texans fans who have suffered through the lop-sided rivalry, so I'm all for giving this victory a little more prosey prose. However, Banks had to then go and make it all seem absurd and contrived with this needless histrionic description:

In a very real sense, this was Houston's Super Bowl.

In a very real sense, the Texans and their fans would not be satisfied finishing 1-15.
In a very real sense, the Texans and their fans would prefer to go 0-2 against the Colts and win the Super Bowl than go 2-0 and not win the Super Bowl.
In a very real sense, this was not Houston's Super Bowl.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Here's What I'm Burning On

Typing that headline made me realize I could probably generate a nice little side conversation, independent of the subject matter of this post, by publicly and proudly stating that I am a huge fan of Jim Rome. (Moreso of The Jungle than of JRIB.) I'm sure some of your jaws are on the floor, but it's true. While I can sort of see why he annoys some sports fans, he sure as hell doesn't annoy me. The guy rules. Unlike the vast majority of the writers/broadcasters we complain about here, he's 1) original, 2) entertaining, and most importantly 3) he doesn't take himself too seriously. Reasonable minds can differ about this- actually no, scratch that. They can't. If you don't think Jim Rome is awesome then you are wrong. Discuss in the comments if you must.

Anyways, here's what's grinding my gears tonight. Sorry this isn't a real post- I'll do something with Simmons or Easterbrook later this week.

First of all, during the 4th quarter of tonight's Boise State/VaTech game, some dipshit in the booth praised Boise (which had just taken a 33-30 lead) for being so "courageous." Oh, did I not identify the dipshit? Well since the game was nationally televised on ABC, I'm sure that even if you didn't watch you knew it was Musburger. What a fucking no-talent clown the guy is. Nothing in the realm of terrible announcing is worse than when broadcasters try to invent a story/angle that isn't there. No, Boise didn't come back from a 4th quarter deficit and win the game because they're really good at football and played slightly better than VaTech did- no, of course not. It was all about courage. And heart, and believing in yourself, and wanting it more, and leaving it all on the field. Motherfucking Musburger. You're atrocious, sir. Fire yourself.

Second of all, fuck ESPN (and all the national media outlets, really) for pandering to the mongoloid masses who think baseball is a dumb boring pussy sport for homosexuals and saturating the airwaves with football coverage while sweeping baseball coverage/highlights under the rug for the past four weeks. Yes, I understand that NCAAF and the NFL are more popular than MLB. No, I don't think that should mean that the first five stories on Sportscenter on Labor Day (Boise/VaTech, Dennis Dixon will start for the Steelers, Mark Ingram is still injured, Darrelle Revis decided to stop being an asshole and sign a contract, and yes, some fucking bullshit about Favre than I changed the channel on) should be exclusively about football.

Zero NFL regular season games have been played this year. NCAAF is barely underway. Meanwhile, the MLB season is 85% over and every division except the AL West and the NL Central has a great race going on. Fifteen teams are still in serious playoff contention. (Isn't it parity that fuels the NFL's popularity?) And ESPN treats it like the WNBA. Speaking of which, I just heard a promo for the WNBA finals, which start this weekend. Set your DVRs now! Anyways, this just frustrates the hell out of me.

I've made this same point about ESPN's constant worship of the Yankees and Red Sox- yes, they have to appeal the masses to an extent. If the masses want meaningless NFL content, they should get it, to an extent. But ESPN is also powerful enough to shape fans' leanings and interests. They're not just appealing to Yankees/Red Sox/"football only" fans- they're also making more of them by ignoring not the Yankees/not the Red Sox/MLB. It's pretty pathetic. But then again, as Chris W explained to me earlier tonight, there are plenty of people out there who just can't watch something unless it involves dudes hitting one another. (See: ESPN's ever-expanding MMA coverage.) So you're not going to reach those people with baseball coverage. After all, it's a dumb boring pussy sport for homosexuals. Hey, I enjoy NCAAF and the NFL a ton. I follow the NFL 95% as closely as I follow baseball, and NCAAF 80% as closely. I just don't fucking understand why Sportscenter starts scheduling its coverage as if baseball doesn't exist starting in mid-August. DURRRRRRRRR WHAT DID BRETT SAY TODAY? AND HOW ARE BEN'S TEAMMATES FEELING ABOUT HIM? I NEED CONSTANT UPDATES ON THIS, NO BASEBALL HILITES PLZ, JUST MORE REPORTS FROM ED WERDER AND RACHEL NICHOLS

/baseball fan elitism

I hope the NFL misses its 2011 season with a lockout. There, I said it.